Daughter with unmedicated schizophrenia

Posted by razorclams @razorclams, Nov 28, 2019

Hello,
Our 30 year old daughter is in our local behavioral heath unit this Thanksgiving. She has given up all hope and tells everyone that she wants to die. She (we) just found out that she is one month pregnant. She wants to kill the fetus. We are Catholic.
I as a Father feel totally helpless to help her. She was in the hospital involuntarily, and will go to mental heath court on Tuesday. The judge can then release her or not. We live in Washington State. I know that there is much out of our control. Our daughter is intelligent, creative, and realizes her future with her illness. That’s one reason that she rejects all treatment. She feels hopeless and worthless. A burden on everyone.
Our heart is breaking, literally breaking. Thank you for caring. Joe

Oh, @razorclams, my heart goes out to you. What a difficult place for any parent to be. There is nothing I can say except to let the medical professionals do their work and be as supportive as you can be with their help and with God's help. Do you have other family members/friends nearby to support you? I hope so. Depression is such a difficult and frightening thing to experience. It is difficult for your daughter as well as for you.

Please post again and let us know how you and your daughter are doing. Praying for you.

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Welcome, @razorclams. It must've been hard to write your message about your daughter giving up all hope. You are not alone. I'd like to bring @jshdma and @dianrib, who are also familiar with caring for a family member with schizophrenia.

Razorclams did you know that family members can call the Lifeline Chat at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline? Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) at any time to get help and information. Read more here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/

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@hopeful33250

Oh, @razorclams, my heart goes out to you. What a difficult place for any parent to be. There is nothing I can say except to let the medical professionals do their work and be as supportive as you can be with their help and with God's help. Do you have other family members/friends nearby to support you? I hope so. Depression is such a difficult and frightening thing to experience. It is difficult for your daughter as well as for you.

Please post again and let us know how you and your daughter are doing. Praying for you.

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Thank you Teresa

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@razorclams . I am also a parent of an adult who is struggling with suicidal issues. From personal experience, I can encourage you to listen carefully to her, give her support for healing, and talk with a trauma counselor for help for yourself, as it's vital for your own self-care. Colleen posted a number for the lifeline chat suicide prevention crisis line. I have found that is helpful.

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@georgette12

@razorclams . I am also a parent of an adult who is struggling with suicidal issues. From personal experience, I can encourage you to listen carefully to her, give her support for healing, and talk with a trauma counselor for help for yourself, as it's vital for your own self-care. Colleen posted a number for the lifeline chat suicide prevention crisis line. I have found that is helpful.

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Thank you georgette

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What is so hard is the guilt I feel for not doing enough to help her. Our daughter is so beautiful, inside and out. She is in a dark dark place that I don’t know how to touch. I feel helpless in helping her right now, powerless really.

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@razorclams

What is so hard is the guilt I feel for not doing enough to help her. Our daughter is so beautiful, inside and out. She is in a dark dark place that I don’t know how to touch. I feel helpless in helping her right now, powerless really.

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@razorclams, I know that guilt feeling first hand. I try to turn guilt into action, but it is challenging when so much is beyond your control. Like Teresa said, she is with professionals who are trained to care for people in this situation. Your love and care for her helped her to seek help. Even if she is refusing medication, she is getting help. She is not alone.
You are not alone either. I don't know the right things to say or tools to help you, but I'm here to listen. Reach out to the chat line 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They are trained to help.

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@razorclams . What helped me and still helps me with my son, is what my grief counselor keeps telling me. Our adult children have free will, ultimately, and other than giving our love and support, there is nothing we can really do. After a certain point, after we can do no more, we parents have to respect the decisions our children make. For me, I found that I might as well provide respect for his decisions alongside support because if I try to force my own will, then my son does not even accept my support.

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That’s fundamentally time Georgette. My wife of 35 years will micro manage her and it just eats my daughter to where she feels like a major failure. I wish that it didn’t happen but it does, either by her own insecurities or lack of self esteem. When I bring it up she is very defensive. It’s a tough place to be it. She says I don’t support my wife concerning my daughter but I feel we hang up on her. We only need to support her.

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Dear all, and to the original poster. I was referred here by one of the moderators as I had posted on another forum concerning medicine. I have had paranoid schizophrenia for over 25 years. I was also raised Catholic. I have much to say on the topic, but first I would like to offer my sincere sympathy and express what I believe works the best for me. First, she absolutely needs to express her thoughts and possible delusions with a professional. This is vital! I held back my delusions for most of my life because of fear of judgment and hell. I also thought people could read my mind and that anything I said or wrote would come true. In addition, and most importantly, I feared judgment and retribution from what I thought was a vengeful and judging God. Growing up in the Catholic church, despite all the good that it has done, can cause some people predisposed with our condition to have pathological guilt. I had this. On November 29, 2019, after dealing with pathological and debilitating guilt for 37 years, I finally was given the gift of forgiveness of myself. I am of the opinion that without self-forgiveness, healing is not possible. I have had 5 hospital stays and three suicide attempts and I hope that soon she will be provided with both anti-psychotic medication and antidepressants. I have tried most of them but a good doctor will know what could work the best. I hope that I can help and will gladly answer any questions that you have.

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@jameshoward . Thank you for sharing. I seem to have utterly failed at self-forgiveness. I am interested in anything that might help me on this path. I, too, was raised catholic but I don't think that is why I can't forgive myself.

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@georgette12

@jameshoward . Thank you for sharing. I seem to have utterly failed at self-forgiveness. I am interested in anything that might help me on this path. I, too, was raised catholic but I don't think that is why I can't forgive myself.

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Hi Georgette, I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Since you are interested in the goal of self-forgiveness I can share a bit about what helped me. The guilt and shame had overwhelmed me to the point that my life had become totally unmanageable. It took me 37 years to achieve this goal but I worked hard at it. 3 12-step groups helped me too. Sharing with others and being honest has been crucial. Start small but be honest with everyone, especially yourself. If you feel bad, say you feel bad. Nobody will stop loving you because you feel bad. There is a lot more but maybe a goal for another forum. Above all, do not give up. Work at it as it is worth it. It will change your life.

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👩‍⚕️ Keep on keeping on.

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@jameshoward – thanks for joining this discussion on schizophrenia and for sharing the importance you've found of expressing delusions to a professional and also dealing with guilt and coming to self-forgiveness.

I'd also like for you to meet @gingerw.

A few others in this discussion have talked about someone close to them who has a diagnosis of schizophrenia. It would be great to get an update, and I believe your responses would be helpful to all who've been part of this conversation on schizophrenia.

@jshdma – how is your brother?

@razorclams – how is your daughter doing lately?

@dianrib – you talked about a family member who has schizophrenia and also about a grandson you were concerned about who was having mental health symptoms. Does he also have a schizophrenia diagnosis?

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