Conflicts between a mother and her 32-year old son who moved back home

Posted by marilyn1942 @marilyn1942, Jan 11, 2017

My son was very happy being married to the woman of his dreams for 5+ years. She started to see other men and women. He moved back home and occasionally is impossible to live with. Sometimes he can be nice and other times he screams profanity at me. I don’t charge him rent and I buy all of the food. I asked him to stay at his girlfriend’s apartment and to take his 2 dogs with him. I can’t take his abuse.

:0( Such a rough path you’ve been on. You must be an incredibly strong person to be still standing! I have experienced some of the same tragedies, my dad also died at age 45, my mother died at 31, when I was 7. My sister took her own life in 2000. My youngest daughter died 2 years ago of colon cancer, and my older daughter, as I’ve said earlier, is disabled. Two of my friends died in the last 2 years. I too had PTSD, depression etc but I had a great counselor who helped me through all of my past, using EMDR with regular counseling. You might want to check EMDR out, it was a lifesaver for me. I wish I had grandchildren, but that’s not in the cards for me unless I ‘adopt’ some kids who need a grandma! I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports me 100% of the time, and friends who really care. There are always blessings mixed in with the challenges of life! God bless you!

@safetyshield

marilyn1942 I am sorry for the problems that you are having. I can relate to leaving my state of birth and moving to where my parents live. I miss the people that I lived near and just the area itself. But I have found new friends and ways to spend my time. My mother passed away recently and she really hated to leave her home to live closer to her son and his kids. I think for as long as she was away she was always sad and missed her old home. I am glad you and your son are getting counseling to work out the issues that are important to you. Change can be good or really traumatic either was it is what we do right. Keep in touch

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marilyn1942 one of the more detailed way that I was able to cope with my move was to connect with a group of people that have the same hobbies as me. Fortunately a friend of mine back home knew of such a group and gave me a name and I have been part of this gaming group for 13 years now and have met many new people. Also on facebook I have connected with old friends who live in my state and throughout the US. I connect with them daily. It isn’t the same as being with them, But it helps. Contacts your neighborhood church or religious organizations may get you started. I realize from you comment about feeling discouragement when you leave the activiites; Is the activities that you have left classes? Can you tell me more of what type of the activites that you have been apart of in AZ. There are activities that I have done to keep me busy or not feeling so alone or depressed. These were not feeling alone activities and when I got home I would feel OK but not as satisfied as being with people with the same interest or people that I can call friends. Well this rant of mine was just food for though and to let you know that you are heard. Keep in contact.

Oh my dear Nancy. Your tragedies are far worse than mine. I nearly fell over when I read about your sister taking her own life. Other people have told me stories about family members taking their own life. This will be the first time that I have ever seen a counselor. I should have seen one when my husband passed away 8 years ago. He was such a great person and was very healthy (we thought) until 3 days before he died. He had a massive heart attack and they could not save him. Shortly before we passed, he smiled at me and told me to give him all of my kisses. I said, “absolutely.” His eyes were so blue and beautiful. Then he told me to go home. I told him I was staying with him because the computers indicated that he was improving. He closed his eyes and died. I remember the doctor removing his wedding ring and that is all that I remember.

@safetyshield

marilyn1942 I am sorry for the problems that you are having. I can relate to leaving my state of birth and moving to where my parents live. I miss the people that I lived near and just the area itself. But I have found new friends and ways to spend my time. My mother passed away recently and she really hated to leave her home to live closer to her son and his kids. I think for as long as she was away she was always sad and missed her old home. I am glad you and your son are getting counseling to work out the issues that are important to you. Change can be good or really traumatic either was it is what we do right. Keep in touch

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You are such a nice person. I apologize for the delay in my response. Friends from PA have been calling today and I am delighted. I was a runner. I ran and completed a marathon. My time was horrible but I finished. I also loved cycling. I did complete a 25 mile trip. I never attempted to run another marathon. Once was enough. Here in my community I work out on occasion but not nearly as often as I should. Since my husband passed, it isn’t much fun getting involved in physical activities. The next time that I open the community web, I will copy the activities and send them to you. Dancing with the Stars will be performing here on 1/20. I can’t wait. Thank you for your kindness. Everyone has been so responsive and I feel better. I am getting a little tired so let’s talk tomorrow.

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@nancyfitts

:0( Such a rough path you’ve been on. You must be an incredibly strong person to be still standing! I have experienced some of the same tragedies, my dad also died at age 45, my mother died at 31, when I was 7. My sister took her own life in 2000. My youngest daughter died 2 years ago of colon cancer, and my older daughter, as I’ve said earlier, is disabled. Two of my friends died in the last 2 years. I too had PTSD, depression etc but I had a great counselor who helped me through all of my past, using EMDR with regular counseling. You might want to check EMDR out, it was a lifesaver for me. I wish I had grandchildren, but that’s not in the cards for me unless I ‘adopt’ some kids who need a grandma! I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports me 100% of the time, and friends who really care. There are always blessings mixed in with the challenges of life! God bless you!

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Hi Nancy,
You’re the strong one here I can’t imagine how you’ve gotten through all that you’ve been through. I guess we have to keep on going no matter what. Please take care of yourself.

Leslie

Such a heartbreaking story Marilyn. That must have been so difficult seeing your husband die, but at least he died a peaceful death. I think about the people in my life that have killed themselves and most of them used a firearm to do it with including my brother. I was very close to him and he was a very handsome young man with a great personality. Anyway for the longest time I couldn’t get over the idea that he had used a shotgun to kill himself with and what he must have looked like. I don’t think about that very much anymore it’s to depressing and negative. I try to think the good thoughts.

Leslie

@marilyn1942

I am homesick. I miss the people and the area very much. My sister and brother-in-law are in their 80’s and my sister will not fly. My son has friends who have offered to help. First, I have to fly back East and find a new home which should not be difficult. There are tons of new construction developments that I love. Thank you. I can’t wait for my next trip back and hopefully, I will find a great home. This home is beautiful but too far from the people that I love.

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I am hoping for the best for you but no matter what you do please keep in touch

@marilyn1942

Oh my dear Nancy. Your tragedies are far worse than mine. I nearly fell over when I read about your sister taking her own life. Other people have told me stories about family members taking their own life. This will be the first time that I have ever seen a counselor. I should have seen one when my husband passed away 8 years ago. He was such a great person and was very healthy (we thought) until 3 days before he died. He had a massive heart attack and they could not save him. Shortly before we passed, he smiled at me and told me to give him all of my kisses. I said, “absolutely.” His eyes were so blue and beautiful. Then he told me to go home. I told him I was staying with him because the computers indicated that he was improving. He closed his eyes and died. I remember the doctor removing his wedding ring and that is all that I remember.

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I am sorry for your loss but keep strong. Do not think to much on what you should of done but now on your present and future

@marilyn1942

I am homesick. I miss the people and the area very much. My sister and brother-in-law are in their 80’s and my sister will not fly. My son has friends who have offered to help. First, I have to fly back East and find a new home which should not be difficult. There are tons of new construction developments that I love. Thank you. I can’t wait for my next trip back and hopefully, I will find a great home. This home is beautiful but too far from the people that I love.

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I should not complain about a family issue. I have read several of the discussion posting and there are tons of people who are really physically and emotionally suffering. I have not commented on any of the posts because I am not sure it is appropriate. OMG, I hope the doctors find out what is causing your current problem and that you get well. I will stay in touch. You too ok?

@lesbatts

Good luck to you Marilyn I think that you are making a wise choice.

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I have not been online for a few days because I was not feeling well but I am getting better. As an update, I would like to report that my son has been doing all of the laundry and cooking plus he prepares vitamin C drinks for me several times a day. His female friend stopped over on Saturday. As usual, she is not super friendly and my son’s attitude toward me changed immediately. He is not hostile but our normal relationship as a family changes. It becomes cold. I just walk away.

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@kanaazpereira

Hello @marilyn1942, and Welcome to Connect,

Thank you for sharing your story; you must be feeling so frustrated, and sad with this interaction.
@lesbatts has given some great advice and suggestions; I also wonder if your son feels vulnerable, or ‘powerless’ about his situation, and is reacting by lashing out in anger so as to feel in control of things?
Sometimes, verbally recognizing the cause of low self esteem, or acknowledging how hard this may be for him too, can make a difference.
What you shouldn’t do is assume blame for his problems or shortcomings; you have to take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of your family.

@marilyn1942, have you thought of getting your son to see a counselor? A neutral mediator, sometimes, may be able to reduce tensions and anxieties and, hopefully provide a solution that neither party may have thought of.

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Your comments and suggestions are very wise. I love your responses. Thank you.

@marilyn1942

I am homesick. I miss the people and the area very much. My sister and brother-in-law are in their 80’s and my sister will not fly. My son has friends who have offered to help. First, I have to fly back East and find a new home which should not be difficult. There are tons of new construction developments that I love. Thank you. I can’t wait for my next trip back and hopefully, I will find a great home. This home is beautiful but too far from the people that I love.

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marilyn1942 that is the beauty of this sight. If you have something or thought that you want to add to a discussion than please do it. You sound like a thoughtful person so I am sure that what you would have to say is important both for you to say and others to hear. When in daught dive in and say what you want to say. I am also sure others would like to read what you have to say, In order to relate to you their stories to yours. So I am looking forward to hearing from you in the future

@lesbatts

Good luck to you Marilyn I think that you are making a wise choice.

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I am sorry about your relationship with your son but I am glad that you are proactive in your own health concerns

@lesbatts

Good luck to you Marilyn I think that you are making a wise choice.

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How are you doing? I am healthy except for an occasional minor health problems which are easily treatable. You have major problems. Tell me what is going on with you.

@lesbatts

Such a heartbreaking story Marilyn. That must have been so difficult seeing your husband die, but at least he died a peaceful death. I think about the people in my life that have killed themselves and most of them used a firearm to do it with including my brother. I was very close to him and he was a very handsome young man with a great personality. Anyway for the longest time I couldn’t get over the idea that he had used a shotgun to kill himself with and what he must have looked like. I don’t think about that very much anymore it’s to depressing and negative. I try to think the good thoughts.

Leslie

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to It was difficult seeing him die. I held him until he took his last breath. He kept asking me for a drink of water. You have experienced far worse. Why, why have so many people killed themselves? Especially your brother. Those people had the whole world ahead of them. Had any of those people confided in you? I am sorry and I should not be discussing this. It is depressing and negative. I want you to know that my prayers and friendship are with you. Where do you live?

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