Caring for a depressed teenager

I’m sorry to read of your struggles in trying to help your son. It became apparent that our teenage daughter was suffering with depression last April, although looking back, I now realize it started much earlier. I’ve learned that it is often difficult for husbands to know how to be supportive, so don’t feel alone with that. You are a wonderful mom, searching for answers for your child.
Have you visited a naturopathic doctor? I took our daughter to a wonderful naturopathic doctor who drew a blood sample to test for food sensitivities. The result was that she is extremely intolerant to eggs, which I had been making for her most mornings and giving her protein bars for lunch which contained eggs. She also suggested some supplements which help her body make the neroutransmitters she was missing. All within the same week, our daughter quit eating eggs, started taking many supplements, and started taking Prozac. She will also take CBD oil if she is having a rough day. I don’t know which of the things is helping her most. It is probably a combination of all four with lots of prayer added. She also sees a counselor once a week. She went from having suicidal thoughts almost daily but now feeling so much better. I hope this will help you.

I feel like I just read my daughters story. She is now 19uears old and graduated high school with the help of DBT 2x week, having an I.e.p. And her father as the assistant principal. She too was an A student and at the end of with grade had a breakdown and has never been the same. In 6th grade with puberty she bagan feeling self conscious and having panic attacks. She spent many days in the counselors office while they tried to help regulate her emotions. We put her in a small private school for 7&8 grade and things got worse. The school was for kids with learning differences (mostly boys with add) and offered small class size with offering a college prep education which was highly competitive. Well the stress and anxiety increases due to academics, comparing in and out and the immaturity and meanness of the small click of girls and parent engineering. My daughter was bullied without teacher intervention and kept it a secret until the end when she was left out of an invite to a batmiz which she felt rejected and shamed and didn’t get out of bed for 2 days. This happened two weeks before the end of school. We were helpless and with the lack of quality local mental health I took her to Mayo Clinic’s Caimp program where she met several other kids with similar struggles and didn’t feel so all alone. She has never been the same and is very fragile. She did manage to complete HS in public school with a lot of scaffolding. I feel for you and your son. It’s a very lonely and helpless place to be. Wish I could help. My daughter also has suicide ideation and explains it’s not that she wants to die it’s that she just can’t live in this world. She is very impulsive when she is emotionally disregulated and is capable of anything. I can tell you all of this has brought me a lot closer to god.

@donzigirl1, @teresacharlton and @macie1

I would like to welcome you all to Mayo Connect. I appreciate your sharing your stories of your teenagers and their depression. Parenting teens are difficult at best, but if you add in a problem with depression, parenting requires great more diligence. I applaud you all for your caring as well as your hard work in finding appropriate help for your teenager. You have made a difference!

As you have each shared the importance of counseling meds and trying different treatments what is the most important advice you would give to other parents who find themselves parenting a depressed teen?

My 15-year-old grandson has experienced severe depression and anxiety since he was very young. He was hospitalized twice and was in an IOP program when he was 8. He is now a freshman in high school and has hardly attended at all, he sits in his room in the dark. He is now in an alternative program, but still doesn't attend or do the online work even though he doesn't need to be there until the afternoon. He is polite, respectful, but resists help. He is currently on Welbutrin and Vyvanse (for possible ADD) but doesn't stay on meds. regularly although he generally says he does want to continue them. He will not participate in any form of counseling or therapy, and when he did attend appointments in the past he was pleasant but uncooperative and made no progress.

We don't know what to do and are terrified of suicide, although he claims not to be thinking about it. His psychiatrist recommends another IOP or hospitalization, but he refuses to even think about it. We have a family history of autism, but while he exhibits some symptoms the neuropsych who did an eval does not think that's what is happening. His most recent evaluation also shows a plummeting WISC score, which the doctor dismissed as invalid (because he doesn't sleep and has no attention or desire to do well).

Ideas? Resources? My heart aches for him every moment, he is so miserable, and I don't know what will happen when he hits 18 and has minimal progress toward a diploma. In his current state he has no ability to complete a program for a GED without external support--he'll end up stuck in his bedroom here with no ability to gain independence, which would increase anyone's depression.

My almost 15 year old daughter has anxiety and depression with SI/SH. She has severe school avoidance. School seems to one of her biggest triggers because it is loud, too many people, bright fluorescent lights. Not to mention she feels she has had an academic digression. We are starting online school soon. She will not go on the camera or speak through the microphone for virtual learning. There are many online schools maybe he could try a different one. Some even allow online school with a couple of hours inside a school for a class or two. Otherwise, I’ve tried to focus on what is going right… she still wants to attend school. She has recently started DBT therapy and I am hopeful that will her move in the right direction.
I question what role Covid 19 has affected her? When schools shut down and teachers had to scramble to arrange school virtually, my daughter would have been in transition for middle school, from 5th -6th grade. She did get covid as well. Could this be a long haulers in a teen?

There are know easy answers because Doctors are still learning about the brain. What helped me is learning that in many cases its a spiritual attack, I prayed, read the Bible listen to (only) gospel music which made me feel good inside. I now understand greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. It helped me. I pray these young ones find their way out of the trap. Because in many ways that's what it is when you cannot live, laugh, love, have joy, and peace in your heart.
I hope I did not affend you.❤️

I never fall asleep without worrying about my son, who is now 25 and living with his mother (my X). His behavior changed during Middle school. I really felt like he was being bullied but he never would admit it. He never wanted to do any sports activity. I was splitting my focus with his older sister. She also was hesitant to try some activities. It took her friends to get her into more things. Now she's a dare devil. I, myself was a loner as a kid. My father was sent to work on a farm at age twelve. He had no ability to teach me anything or pass down man stuff.
I haven't ever been able to forgive myself for my failure with my son. I often wondered if Family therapy would have helped. You might try going to a park or someplace out of the house and have family talk sessions. If possible, find an activity do do with his dad.