No Love Involved Caregiver
Hi, this is Al. I am new to Mayo Discussions. 9/11/18
The challenges of caring for a family member when there is NO LOVE operating, just task mechanics, which are doable.
I am a CGr for my father-in-law who had a stroke June 2014. He moved in with us [his daughter] June 2015. I had no relationship with him except hello’s and handshakes on holidays. My wife of 21 years has revealed her stories of his diminished fathering, leaving her mother and marrying moms best friend. There he raised a second family, disconnected from her and my brother-in-law.
There was no relationship or love between us. Yet I became his F/T CGr in our home. I have professional experience with Alzheimer’s and dementia’s.
He does not self-report on his functioning, which he can, I believe. He has lived such a life of secrecy that I believe that even reporting on his functioning is not part of his human software. Just my view, bias.
It has been quite a drain, strain, with a lot of mental combat for me over 3 + years now. I know about Thought Stopping, using distraction, etc. as coping strategies. I get no help from his daughter or her brother. The daughter from the second marriage, and hubby, have driven here + / – 10 hours 2, maybe 3, time so that we could take a vacation. The chronic nature of the day to day routine, without any encouragement and/or support sucks. Yes I have episodic bouts with anger.
Wha Wha Wha yeah yeah yeah ……
I could use a buddy or 12. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Believing I will get some feedback.