Can I learn to think before speaking?

Posted by J101 @jfmaniac, Sep 12, 2023

My wife and I are almost at a big anniversary and I have managed to mess it up by, when somebody asked what our plans were, saying oh it will probably just be another day. Not at all what I meant to say but that's how my brain works unfortunately.

There was an event we went to a few days ago, we had our dogs with us. I was talking to someone there, my wife was asking me to please take one of the dogs, I did not hear her, so it automatically became a very tense situation, I told her I was talking to someone and didn't hear her. I completely realize I became upset over nothing, when this happens I have a very hard time thinking before speaking. I know it's easy just say "Oh, next time I'm going to think before I speak" the brain has to be on the same page too.

I have been her caregiver for years and for a while she has been feeling like a burden, again, because of things I've said or reactions I have shown.

All of this has led to some dark and very self destructive thoughts on bother of our ends.

We do attend and have been attending marriage counseling for quite some time now. I'm just worried if I can get this under control it will be the end of our relationship.

thank you

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I must be unusually blessed. I have several health and skeletal issues that have drained me of strength and energy, and the ability to do a lot of my ordinary house chores. We are 80 years old, and are more in love than when we married. My wonderful companion/husband is the epitome of patience! He has never even once complained about my days in bed, or lack of energy to work. Not even a hint.


After 40 yrs of marriage (my second) my husband’s patience and personality changed after he returned home from out of town, during coved, triple bypass heart surgery. For the first time he spoke to me in a way that shocked me and things have gone downhill since..... I did an internet search and discovered that both men and women were asking about the change in their spouses temperament since they had this type of surgery and it can be a cause. So sad, but I try and recall the previous years of togetherness... as I have said, we will always love each other but presently don’t like each other.


Be kind to yourself. It's okay to make a mistake,I'm not sure it was. I've. Been married 57 years humor is good we joke that many times we don't speak the same language. We have not done yanything for anniversary many times. It's okay. Agree to disagree helps too.


Absolutely, it's a skill that can be developed with practice. Start by pausing briefly before responding, allowing yourself time to consider your words. Practice active listening, which involves fully concentrating, understanding, and then responding thoughtfully. Reflect on conversations afterward, noting moments where you could have responded more deliberately. Over time, this mindfulness will become more natural, helping you think before speaking.


The only way I got that was w abilify. I have had for years been over reacting to everything. Once I got on the Abilify, I was able to deal. I hope this helps. I have bipolar 2 and a mood disorder. Not saying you do, just wanted to give the info.

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