Burnout from caring for my wonderful mom 82 Stage 4 Colon cancer

Yes you can say no! But in my experience, those folks gave me a break so I could do things I needed to do. Sounds like that is not the case for you.

I'm wondering if you feel you need to be present with these other people? With our family members who were on hospice, (brother, son, mother and father-in-law,) we welcomed those visits so we weren't the only ones providing care. It lifted a burden a little. We also found the chaplains were very helpful to the patients , so being a compassionate ear, who was not us. Bathing is hard work. . . And help doing that helped us to focus on other things like meals etc.
Hoping you find the balance you need and a way to care for yourself in the midst.

Hi. Yes, we did turn down any extra curricular things while taking care of Mom. The hospice nurse was easily accessible if we needed her. The main thing was what Mom wanted and to keep a calm , less chaotic atmosphere for her. In our situation she stayed very well oriented to time, place , people, etc. It was family teamwork and emotional support for each other that made a difference. The goal was to keep her comfortable. That also meant giving her the prescribed medications as well. She passed peacefully on her favorite couch.

It sounds to me like you're doing a great job. Hope you're getting enough help and rest. Ernie

@crattyscarpino - You don't have to accept any help you don't want unless it is part of an agreement with hospice. I suggest talking with someone who knows your info and what her doctor wants her to have.

Being a caregiver is an exhausting job. I was a twenty-four-hour caregiver for my husband earlier this year, even with hospice, and I was exhausted. And you are correct; it's never enough. There is always something that needs doing. No one knocks on your door asking if they can shop for you or do your dirty laundry.

I'm not sure what bothers you the most. Is it the endless, thankless non-stop jobs that need doing or the interruptions that happen from your mother?

Your mother should have all of the stimulation that she can get as long as she likes them.

My biggest question is if your anxiety will be more so when all the things that you mentioned take up even more of your time.

Have you given a thought to another caretaker for your mom during the day so that you can work? Or maybe a hospice hospital would be better?

I have been my husband's caregiver for 10 years with different health issues. He now has Parkinson's and dementia. A week ago he was taken to the ER with a ruptured appendix and a gangrenous infection. He was moved from the hospital to a care facility. I am now seeing how many roles I have been playing. It is amazing to see how many caregivers he has now. This makes gives me a better understanding of why I've been so tired and feeling like there is no end. My husband's daughter has been my biggest support and is 100% for his continued care at the care facility. She and many others insist I can't continue caring for all his needs, which are greater as time goes by. I am now trying very hard to make peace with it. I feel conflicted with the idea of not having him home. The cherished home we both worked for to make it our sanctuary. We miss each other immensely. He wants to return home not fully understanding how hard it is for myself as his caregiver. We live in a small house and having caregivers 24/7 with all the medical equipment he needs would be overwhelming and his health condition is getting worse. Today I brought lunch to share with him. We visited, talked about breaking news. I brought his laundry and organized it in his closet. Then it was time for me to leave. He then got sad and said "this is the hardest part". I understand, it is for me also.

I did that for 3 years, is Overwhelming as I didnt have much help.. Think Positive, Be Posituve, Take one day at time, make the best of it, Breathe deeply and exhale when is little more stressful. Remember , she is so happy, thankful that YOU are there in the PROCESS , she is not alone…. Think all this when start becoming overwhelming, truthly helps . I made with Christmas ornaments ahead of time with her finger prints and made birthday plates with her fingers as me worked and great personal gifts for each grandchild , or any sivilings ; that is fun activity, also I made teddy bears with her recording voice and wishes to each brother and sister when my Father was well in his senses and able to speak…and made story book with his stories memories songs jokes phrases and family tree, we have so much fun together in those 3 years , that the anxiety and stress was little lower and become enthusiastic, fun … giving me sense of joy in my heart and feeling special to be there . Hope it helps and being Creative was my challenge , Being Patience was my challenge , doing it with Love was so EASY with a JOYFUL HEART, give me everything to start my next day . ♥️

What a wonderful person you are and a great wife. Sometimes it takes greater courage to focus on the needs for another, like the good care in the facility he is getting. What courage and strength you are showing. Sending hugs

Westsouth, how creative and warm-hearted you sound. Thank you for sharing.

@crattyscarpino, how are you doing? Help isn't help if it is a burden. Have you been able to find a balance of accepting the hospice support that truly supports BOTH you and your mother?