Bipolar Rage. Can't stop. Everyone's mad at me.

Posted by bpforlife @bpforlife, Nov 12, 2023

I have been kicked out of (dismissed from) 4 medical practices in past two years. Two were last week. My psychiatrist yelled at me, something he has only done once before. He was trying to help me obtain good medical care and I ruined it since I have been banned from seeing the doctor he referred me to. I feel really bad, but don't know how to stop doing this. I am already on 4 different psychiatric meds. He says this is behavioral and that I can control it, but I don't know how.
I cannot repair what happened and feel afraid because I have to see several more medical doctors for my physical health issues. I don’t know how to prevent another rage episode. I did not start out angry, but when the medical office staff and/or doctors said and did something to jeopardize my health, I snapped.

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@jakedduck1

@bpforlife
I don’t claim to know anything about bipolar, however, someone wrote that their neurologist said 100 mg of B-6 helped with the rage sometimes caused by the seizure drug Keppra, which is also prescribed for bi-polar. Are taking it?
I was wondering if the B-6 might also help the rage your enduring. even if not caused by Keppra. Might be worth asking your doctor about it.
Good luck,
Jake

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Hi Jake,
I do not take Keppra, however, I will five the B-6 a try. Thank you for the suggestion.
Best,
Jennifer

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@naturegirl5

@bpforlife Your description of what has been happening is indeed sad and so disappointing. I’d like to think that all of the medical providers we see will be patient, listen to us, and will help us find the best solution. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen for many reasons including the fact that the medical providers are human. We react, they react, and it all escalates from there.

I have a suggestion. My suggestion has worked for me many times that I have worried about something that might or might not happen and so I’m feeling very anxious. I am proactive. I’m going to use a medical appointment as an example for being proactive. Let’s imagine an appointment with your psychiatrist. At the very beginning of the appointment, you will say « I want to share something about myself. I am very reactive and sometimes I get very angry. I know you are here to help me. I’m telling you this to get this out in the open because it will help me feel more calm during our appointment ».

I made up the words you could say but hopefully you get the idea. I’m thinking you are worried that you will be filled with rage before you have a chance to tell your doctor what’s going on with you. If you put it all out there at the beginning of your appointment your doctor won’t be caught so off-guard. You don’t have to tell the doctor about your childhood trauma. Make your proactive statement short and also let the doctor know you are working with a therapist who has been helping you.

If was a doctor and someone was proactive with me like I described I would try my best to listen and help.

I have used this method many, many times. I’ve used it with doctors, at work, and in my personal relationships. It works for me. I hope it could work for you.

What do you think about my suggestions?

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Hi Helen,
Thank you for your suggestion. I will try that. The problem is, though, that I often feel like I am ok, no sign of rage. Then the doctor or other person catches me off guard and does or says something that sends me from 0 to 1000 to a microsecond. Because I do not know when the rage will surface, I would have to always be proactive. Most appointments go ok. I have probably been to more than 100 appointments in the past two years. Four of them got me kicked out and for all 4 I did not see it coming.
Jennifer

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@dfb

No healthcare provider should ever yell at a patient!

If the patient is dangerous then the provider should take the necessary steps to protect everyone involved, including the patient.

A medical provider who can not control their own emotions is far more dangerous than the wounded souls they are supposed to help.

First they told me I was depressed but I accomplished too much to be depressed.

So they diagnosed me with bipolar disorder.

Then I was “energetically suicidal” so they shocked my brain and gave me more drugs and labeled me “treatment resistant”.

For fifteen years I watched everything and everyone be stripped from my life.

When I finally snapped they put me in prison.

When I took control of my own life and told them what I wanted they dismissed me.

Four months latter I take no medication have started a new company, am trying to reconnect and make amends to my ex-wife and children

and I am some kind of miracle.

No, I can read!

Apparently none of the countless number of providers I trusted can.

I made the tragic mistake of not educating myself on what was going on with me.

The tragedy visited on my wife and children could all have been avoided with a simple Google search.

The tragedy that was the last fifteen years of my life would never had to happened if even one person, most of all me, had the humility to just say “I don’t know, maybe I will look this up”

I no longer accept what any provider tells me. I do my own research and then “I” decide.

If I am going to suffer at least I will know who to blame.

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

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I am so sorry you lost your family and have been through so much. I agree that doing research and educating oneself is invaluable and critical. Like you, I distrust most doctors and people in general, but I have found a few who have my back. I sincerely hope that you find peace as well.
Best,
Jennifer

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@jakedduck1

@bpforlife
What medications are you taking?
Jake

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Lithium, Lamotrigine, Quetiapine, Ativan

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@poweredby9

Dear BPForLife,

I am 62.

I had been mentally ill for more than five decades as the result of the traumatic influence of my mom and dad.

My dad beat me brutally as a child and a teen. He beat anger into me. That is what he taught me.

Half of my birth family died from suicide. In my recently published book, "Tools of Transformation", I share: My mom hung herself in the basement of our house; my baby brother found her and committed suicide some years after that; and my older brother overdosed on barbiturates and heroin.

At the age of 30, to save my life, I checked myself into an inpatient psychiatric unit.

I took lithium for much of the next three decades. Although that medicine masked some of my worst symptoms, my true healing, the development of stable and strong emotional regulation, in-place of a volatile "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" personality, is what freed me from the prison of mental illness.

I believe, on the most profound level, that any mental illness is reparable, no matter how grave. That is the underlying message of "Tools of Transformation," and the second book in my transformational series, "Secrets of Sleep."

In my yet-to-be-published book, "The Root Cause and Fix of Every Illness," I generalize some of the principles in the first two books in my series.

Most Sincerely,
Joe Lerner

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Hi Joe I am trying to get your book on kindle from Amazon… just installed the kindle app…. but not able to open it. Any suggestions? So appreciate all you shared. Very inspiring. Thank you!

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@deborahinmaine

Hi Joe I am trying to get your book on kindle from Amazon… just installed the kindle app…. but not able to open it. Any suggestions? So appreciate all you shared. Very inspiring. Thank you!

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I sent this to the wrong person…sorry. I find it confusing when wanting to reply.

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@marye2

Is there a setting where you could get your medications balanced? It sounds like your "rage" might be beyond your control? My husband has some issues with dementia, and while it is not the same, I wonder if staying hydrated, avoiding sugar and substitutes and revamping your diet to non-processed would help. A daily habit of taking walks might also help reduce stress-rage. Eliminate frustration by keeping things simple, setting a schedule and writing down tasks to be done as well as other coping skills. I think when one is in the midst of this it can be difficult to make a plan, but Habits can work through.

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That is good advice. Thank you.

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Ugh, I have anger problems as well. Mine are triggered when I’m talked to in a disrespectful or condescending manner.
It’s my complex PTSD kicking in from childhood trauma.
I understand how difficult it is to control! I get tunnel vision and become completely disregulated.
I don’t think I can be of much help other than to be supportive. I do know that after the fact I go on a long walk with my dog and it really does help to calm me down.
Sometimes I write a nasty letter to that person, and then tear it up. It’s important to come out of that mindset as quickly as you can, or it will snowball.

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