I am 38 years old and work as a nurse. I am bipolar with mixed episodes. It is so hard going through these episodes. I put my family through an awful time with the depression and irritability. I feel like everything inside me is racing. I feel as though I am on speed. But I also feel like I don't want to live anymore. I feel sad because I hurt the one's I love most when I am in an episode. Everything inside me is screaming JUST HELP, SOME ONE JUST HELP ME. I have been through this before 3 years ago and had psychosis with it. My sis who is a psych nurse says it is me being selfish when I want my life to end. I just wonder is there anyone else that feels this way. And what helped you.