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TammyB
@tammyb

Posts: 10
Joined: May 27, 2012

bipolar

Posted by @tammyb, May 27, 2012

I am 38 years old and work as a nurse. I am bipolar with mixed episodes. It is so hard going through these episodes. I put my family through an awful time with the depression and irritability. I feel like everything inside me is racing. I feel as though I am on speed. But I also feel like I don’t want to live anymore. I feel sad because I hurt the one’s I love most when I am in an episode. Everything inside me is screaming JUST HELP, SOME ONE JUST HELP ME. I have been through this before 3 years ago and had psychosis with it. My sis who is a psych nurse says it is me being selfish when I want my life to end. I just wonder is there anyone else that feels this way. And what helped you.

Liked by Roxie43

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piglit
@piglit

Posts: 1651
Joined: Jan 04, 2012
Posted by @piglit, May 27, 2012

Hi TammyB and welcome. I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I think that when we feel depressed that we do get irritable it’s frustrating to feel this way. I no the racing feeling that you get inside. It to me can also be associated with anxiety a feeling of panic occuring, It may be a good idea to go and see your dr as this has occured before and have a chat about things. You are working as a nurse which is good if your’e working it also means that you are functional. I have suffered with anxiety from a very young age and depression a little later. I know that it concerns you as to the effect that this has on your family , realize that their reactions are out of concern and caring for you. My dear if at anytime you do feel the need to talk to someone or feel unsafe please just pick up the phone and dial 911. We have a great support group here and I am here if you need me anytime and you will find that their are other members that are only too willing to help as well Take care Piglit

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TammyB
@tammyb

Posts: 10
Joined: May 27, 2012
Posted by @tammyb, May 28, 2012

Thank you for your kindness. It is always nice to find someone who has some comprehension of what it is like to live with mental illness. My mother suffered all her life but would never get help. She drug her 8 children through her living nightmare with her. She and my dad eventually divorced. My brother and I are the only ones she talkes to of her 8 children. I try to be a support for her but right now I am soooo far out in left field myself. I can’t help anyone. I am afraid of the time I spend with family and friends because I never know if I am going to say something to hurt one of them. Life is so difficult without having to put up with your loved ones hurting you. I would prefer to live in my own silent abyss by myself. The only thing is I have an 11 year old daughter and husband so how do you justify leaving people who depend on you and love you.

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piglit
@piglit

Posts: 1651
Joined: Jan 04, 2012
Posted by @piglit, May 28, 2012

Hi Tammy. It is hard at times my dear, expecially when your’e not dealing with things yourself which we all go through at times. You have to think of yourself in many ways and your husband and daughter. They love you as you do them and they are naturally concerned when you are not feeling well. I.m sorry for the family issues that you have had to deal with, it makes it harder sometimes when there is conflict within the family unit. I am a great believer in staying as positive as I can and taking fairy steps one at a time. You know when we have a down time we just have to slow down a bit, try and rest, relax if you can. I find going for walks good. A warm drink before bed. Lavender cream/oil also can help to relax you. Slow deep breathing also can help with the anxiety feelings. Just use the tools that work best for you.my dear. i too hope that the right combination of meds can be worked out for you soon.Your family will be okay sweetie, try not to worry.It’s good to keep expressing the way you feel. If you feel you can’t talkto family you could organzie to maybe speak to a consellor. I am here as other members of our support group and we will help and care for you as much as we can. At lot of us know how you are feeling as we live it ourselves and we fully understand . That’s what makes our group so special; , were all here for each other so we never really feel alone. It’s comforting and you will feel it too. Take care my dear Piglit Always here if you need me


TammyB
@tammyb

Posts: 10
Joined: May 27, 2012
Posted by @tammyb, May 28, 2012

Thank you for the kind words. I know this time in my life will get better. I just get impatient. I work with hospice pt’s and I do not like to go through periods where I am trying to keep my own head straight. I just want to take care of them in their time of need. I am a firm believer that we all go through things for a reason in life and that this episode will have some positive outcome at the end. I believe very much in GOD and know He is on my side. If you pray, please remember me in your prayers. I find there is great power in prayer. You just have to be patient.


piglit
@piglit

Posts: 1651
Joined: Jan 04, 2012
Posted by @piglit, May 28, 2012

Hi Tammy I can relate to you with your work. I’m an aged care worker and I work with people that have high care needs . I too feel the same way if I’m feeling down too. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I believe that my faith has kept me going through all the challenges that I have faced over many years. Take care my dear and yes you do just have to be patient, it just takes time and you will be okay. Try to stay strong. Talk soon Piglit


Roxie43
@roxie43

Posts: 1744
Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Posted by @roxie43, May 28, 2012

Dear Tammy,
I feel like you often. Please don’t give up. We have to have faith that our lives will get better. You have a lot to be proud of so when you feel like giving in just remind yourself of what you have accomplished.
Hugs,
Rox

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TammyB
@tammyb

Posts: 10
Joined: May 27, 2012
Posted by @tammyb, May 28, 2012

Thank you Roxie for the words of encouragement. Just please keep me in your prayers. In know I need the Lord to get me through this and that He will in due time. Happy Memorial Day!!!!

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Roxie43
@roxie43

Posts: 1744
Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Posted by @roxie43, May 29, 2012

Tammy the lord and your amazing strength will get you through dark time’s.
Hugs,
Rox


pknoxhardin
@pknoxhardin

Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 21, 2012
Posted by @pknoxhardin, Jun 22, 2012

Dear Tammy,
I feel like this when my mania cranks up. I have been dealing with my disorder for 25 years. Justl last week I went to my first support group. And had a huge weight lifted form my chest. Hang in there! I will tell you honestly that the difference for me has been consistently taking my meds and having a psychiatrist who does cognitive therapy during my.30 minute sessions. It helps that I have been blessed with the same doc for 19 years. I am here if you need to talk.

I am praying for you!
Hugs,
Pam

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