Anyone deal with Dementia AND Narcissistic personality disorder?

Sorry to not have any practical suggestions for you, but please let me offer you my sincerest sympathy! It must be difficult beyond words.
May whatever God you believe in give you strength. You are doing a noble and good thing to stick by your spouse.

Maybe here's one suggestion: can you step outside for some fresh air? Maybe just open a window? Might help a little.

blue717, you must be under so much stress. This may sound unkind or unfeeling but it isn’t meant to be, but does he qualify for any kind of assisted living or long- term care? If something happens to you, he will require it anyway and you won’t be here to make sure he is taken care of. You have to relieve some of this pressure on yourself. I have seen this happen many times with no help in the home. Bless you.

I agree. It may be time to explore residential care. It won't be easy but I would reach out for professional help to assist with the coordination of a plan. You can start by reaching out to a care coordinator in a facility that may be near to you. At the very lease, start thinking about it and gathering information. Just that act may help alleviate some of the tremendous stress you are shouldering. You deserve to live too. Sending loving thoughts to you.

I have early-set through declining MCI, and my wife is a narcissist. This is going to be very interesting when I slide into dementia (it's coming, the signs abound) and her narcissism goes into full bore.

I don't have a coping mechanism for you, unfortunately. If you want a bigger audience - much, much, bigger, then maybe go to Reddit and search for the sub "Dementia". You'll have 1000s of like-minded people in this group - I believe there are 34,000 members - which you can join, and people are posting several stories just like yours every day. You may get some helpful suggestions out of it.

I can feel your pain …. I grew up with a Dad that was narcissistic and insecure and treated my Mom as an object. As we grew and became adults we realized more and more that this was not normal behavior. My siblings (4) and I were glad to see him pass away at his funeral and leave our mom alone to be free of his control. It took her 5 or 6 years to realize that she was free!! We are all over 75 years old and look back at our childhood and try to balance out the good things that happened and the bad things that happened. It’s hard to forgive but we are trying.

I am living a similar situation and ran across your post when googling Narcissism and Dementia. It is a living hell and I've been blessed with respite care to get out of the house a few hours. Yet that was becoming "not enough" as there were all the hours I had to stay cooped up with my spouse. I find it challenging bc the behaviors are narcissistic and at the same time dementia plays into it. My spouse fell and broke his leg a couple of weeks ago and has been in the hospital and just yesterday moved to long term care. While there has been stress involved in getting all the care coordinated with insurance and placement, at least when I come home, it's quiet, I can think, I don't walk on eggshells, I can get things done around the house that have needed attention for sometime. My home feels safe. Something I've not felt here for years now. (It's hard to feel safe emotoinally/mentally when living with a narcissistic person.). While the intention is to have my spouse's leg heal, have PT/OT and then come home, he will be there for the next several weeks. I'm not sure what will take place in the long run. Right now, my spouse is very angry with me and has tried manipulating his way home for days. He has called family members and a pastor we once had in an effort to get someone to bring him home. He is in complete denial about the severity of his broken leg and about his dementia. It's useless to explain or argue with a brick wall. If you can, you may want to start looking into assisted living or whatever community care this person needs. I know this can be scary as many of us rely on our narcissistic/dementia spouse for the income. Yet your health and sanity are just as important. Try to find a support group where people who've walked this path can offer direction and sources as well as validate your situation. I didn't realize I was depressed. I was just pushing through each day until all this happened. Now that I can breathe, I see how all this has impacted me over the last few years.

@quiltercs Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! This is a great place to share information and get information. You sound like you’re in a really tough place with so many decisions to be made. Have you considered getting a therapist? Someone you can talk to about what is going on with you and your struggles.
What do you think is the first thing you would like to solve?

My spouse was diagnosed with bvFTD nearly three years ago. Her cognitive decline soon revealed serious narcisism. I felt guilty talking about it, but am relieved to see that I have not been alone. Anger may have been tempered by two prescription meds: Quetiapine and Memantine. Doses should be decided by a physician. In my city, there are several places that seek to provide help. In the final analysis, respite time is essential if you want to sustain your own sanity. All I can do is sigh, stay calm and carry on. One step and one day at a time...

@chrisbayne Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I am glad that you found this group. The members are willing to share and to help each other. You sound very strong as you stay calm and carry on.
Can the group help you with anything right now?

Thanks for offering. I have no specific needs right now. Life as a sole caregiver is busy and time is short!