Any suggestions for a loved one who can't use a computer?

My husband had lung cancer and was the same way with computers. He just couldn't grasp the content and he also couldn't type. Before he became ill, he was excellent at making beautiful wood items from scratch and for 20 years was a very good shipyard machinist; so good that after he retired, they kept requesting him to return to the shop and help them figure out how a machine worked! However, computers just didn't fit in with his reasoning. So, like you, I did all the stuff on the computer; looking up symptoms, making appointments, communicating with the doctors, keeping medication lists etc.

We all have different talents and abilities. I think the only thing that you can do is just keep doing what you are apparently doing so wonderfully well. I'm sure your husband appreciates your help. I know that it's sometimes difficult with all the other stuff you probably have to do such as laundry, cooking etc. However, you love your husband, so it's worth all the extra effort. There may come a time as it did for me, when you won't be doing those things for your husband anymore and you will wish you still could.
I wish you the best and will say a prayer for both of you.
PML

Oh my. Your insight and understanding meant so much. Thank you!

You're right. My husband, even with all those annoying shortcomings of his, can do so many other things I will one day miss terribly. It just, sometimes, feels like he takes what I do for granted and thinks the things he does are so much more important. I just feel a sense of pity for him when I think of how lost he would feel in this everchanging world if something happens to me first. Poor dear gets texting and emailing mixed up, thinking they're one in the same. Wouldn't be able to figure out how to listen to our music, operate our electronic photo frame, or figure out the TV if he had an issue with it or correspond with his doctors, etc. He has zero interest in learning yet depends and enjoys the benefits of all of these technological advances. Of course, I probably would be just as lost if something happens to him first. I wouldn't be mowing the grass, blowing snow or filling our water softener myself. That's for sure.

How long have you been without your husband?

Hi!
Thanks for getting back to me and for your kind words! In answer to your question, my husband died in July, 2024. He was 83. It takes a while to get over the shock and get a somewhat normal life again. I think I'm slowly getting there. However, you never really get over the loneliness. Two things have helped me get through this awful time. One was remembering how often in the last year we had together that we told each other how much we loved one another. The other thing was prayer. I don't know where I'd be without God. I asked him to take this terrible sadness that I was feeling, away. I knew my husband was in Heaven and out of pain but still I kept feeling so sad. My prayers were answered and I'm in a much better place now psychologically than I was!

I wouldn't worry about your husband's computer skills etc. He's probably not feeling that good and it's hard to learn anything new when you don't feel well. It's great that you are helping him with everything! Be sure and tell him how much you love him!

I'll say a prayer for you both.
PML

@pml

Wow, what changes you've lived through! I'm so glad you've found that place that's brought you peace. Life can sure take us on some pretty challenging journeys, can't it? Peace is, truly, the prize when it finds its way to each of us. So glad you found yours.

Yes! Just like us! I give my p# and of course they want to speak to him. I usually let it go to voicemail and listen after. I call his meds in for him..he has never ,ever done it. I think he has always thought she does it better. No I think he is afraid he will mess it up. I had noticed though that he is having tremours much worse lately. I think I will order some heavy utensils so his food won't fall off. It is so sad to see him suffer and try to work through things that most people take for granted. He is depends on me and I try not to step on his toes..but if he is struggling I am going to help. Our electricity went off at 8:48 pm. That was an hour ago. It is hot as hades in here. Feels like 80! We heard a loud pop and everything went dark. Might not be back on for another 2 hours. When I called the powers that be , I think I had a lady who did not care. She said I should go to family. I said "How do I do that with no light and the car is in the garage"?The door works off of electricity. I had to spell my address three times. 911 is the same way. ( I did not call them) My spouse went to bed. My patience is over by this time of the night. Take care!

@sillyblone

What did you do? Did things get resolved later, then?

How awful!!!!!

Yes, annoying as all get out! Came back on . Most of my neighborhood was in the dark. Accross the street fromus they had lights. Itwas about 10:30 and came back on . Then the router has to be rebotted . I am a pro at that stuff. I bought a book just for passwords so I won't reuse. Of course I have them on my phone. Watched a little TV and off to bed I went!! Woke up early of course.. Did a few things and relaxation for now. Have a great day! I certainly plan to. Your twin,
Sillyblone

Welll . . . . ah, yes . . . between power going out and having to reboot things without anyone telling you how to get things working again, the right way . . . . is absolutely the WORST! I, as you may have guessed, am the "go to" person here at home. Thankfully, our power lines are buried so if we ever have a power "outage", it (so far) has always been short-lived, if at all a problem. BUT, when that darn internet goes down (sometimes that goes on for hours and hours) . . . and the TV's and my SONOS music, router, modem, etc. . . . have issues . . . I get so frustrated. (The "F" bombs are to be heard around the world) . . . . I am totally on my own when those problems arise. When I can't get anything to work . . . . things get unplugged, shut down . . . whatever and usually resolve after many swear words and refusals for my husband's solution to everything by asking . . . get this . . . "Do you want a glass of water?" . . . . That's his solution to everything. Sad/funny, yet true. GRRRRRR!

Glad things are better . . . .

Later, my friend . . . I mean "twin" (wink)

I can relate, too. Especially to the problem my husband has when things on a website are not exactly where they were the last time. OMG! Funny thing in our case is that we were both computer programmers, but he retired just when PCs were taking over the workplace. He cannot (will not?) use a smart phone. He uses his desktop computer all day for playing a couple of games and doing investments. But he has the fonts so large that he has to scroll and scroll and scroll on every webpage, and often misses the "submit" buttons. Then frustration sets in and he calls in his IT specialist (guess who?) ... but by that time he's already pissed. AND his hearing is really bad and he can't hear my quiet voice, so we end up in shouting matches. I must admit, a lot of websites are very poorly designed, so his frustrations are often well-founded!

I'm just glad he can still find things to do online, as his world has closed in around him, with severe COPD and mobility issues from spinal fusion in his neck.

Bottom line, is I have no solutions for you, but I surely feel your pain!

THANKS! Your story, although sad to hear as you describe the challenges of a serious illness . . . are (sorry) a little "funny". So many times, yes, I am looked toward as the "fixer" of all things . . . criticized or given the "stink" eye because I'm sitting at the computer AGAIN . . . . yet, when a problem or circumstance arises that needs "fixing", guess who is called upon to fix it (sometimes within seconds or there are sighs of disgust shared). I can barely get him to compose a response to his own doctors sometimes, with him standing over my shoulder dictating incoherent sentences that I'm supposed to type into that computer to a health professional. Then, of course, are those times when he wants to watch TV and the internet goes down and expects me to tell him when it will work the way he wants it to. It's sooooo beyond frustrating. He doesn't understand the difference between a text and an e-mail; yet acts like an expert just because he's figured out how to scroll through his newsfeed on his smartphone. Grrrrrrrr! And . . . Haaaaaa. Not funny but IS, right?