A New Low

Today may be my lowest low in five years and it is all because of something my spouse said about my hair. I taking time away from work to take him to his hair salon. And he has the gall to ask me in a passive aggressive way if I have ever googled older women and why they should not have long hair.

That one way conversation has me rethinking the past 45 years of my life and how I wish I realized this trait in him at that time. Now I am awash in regrets and what if ‘s and I do not know if I can handle it, and if I want to.

I have to because it is too late to do otherwise but I want to walk away. I will not - but my heart is heavy and defeated.

People say remember he is ill and he does not know what he is saying- but I think he knew it all along and has been pressuring me since 1982. I was too young and too much in a hurry to realize it .

God does not want me to look back so I am putting my trust in him and asking for his help

I just had to vent because I cannot tell any of my family or my friends.