I am a caregiver to my 72 year old husband. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 anal cancer, metasticized to the liver. He has been fastidious about his health, diet and exercise for many years, so this diagnosis has been shocking. Although he had concerns about bleeding hemmoroids, multiple doctors missed it, and several belittled his concerns. Eventually, a colonoscopy, followed by a PET scan revealed the diagnosis about 7 weeks ago. Since then, we have been to a local cancer center, MD Anderson and Mayo. While MD Anderson said it is not “curable”, Mayo tells us that this is a marathon – not a sprint, and provides hope with a variety of strategies. I struggle between despair and anger. I feel like I stepped into somebody elses nightmare, only to learn that it’s mine. I’m sad for my husband, for the loss of our future plans and the life ahead of us. My husband has a great attitude – better than mine. His faith is growing stronger in God, and I’m trying to find that too. I just can’t help but struggle between wanting to be hopeful (as I know that will only help) – and recognizing the dire condition that he has. I work fulltime and have two 2 pets at home. I’m managing all of his appointments and trying to keep life “normal”. I’m exhausted. I know that I will likely get to a stronger place to manage, but right now — just not seeing it. I’m generally a very resillient woman (age 59), but this is a test I wish I didn’t have to take. I know there must be MANY of you out there who have – or are – struggling to maintain a positive attitude. Your suggestions are welcome.