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A check list

Posted by joedeb @joedeb, Jun 28 5:26am

Another good article from the ny times. I guess I should have a check list of things that should be changed. Like she can't be my fiduciary if I can't make financial decisions. I have successor trustees. I am cancelling her cell phone on our phone contract. I am thinking of looking for another primary care doc for her. Her current one is rather harsh. I had to work hard at a strategy last night to get her to take her pills. She hates it. Her anger has to subside and she has to give in. Giving her her pills is just an item on my check list of daily things to do and it turns into a psychological battle. Same with showering. On a more humorous note, I successfully shopped for new bras for her, something I never thought would be on my list...
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/25/well/family/dementia-diagnosis-advice.html

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Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Jun 28 2:36pm

@joedeb Are you doing all these tasks at one time? Wow! Impressive and overwhelming! And why is your client so angry?

REPLY
joedeb | @joedeb | Jun 28 4:49pm

Don't know why she gets angry. It has something to do with my approach, I think. If I just come in the room and say lets do your pills and I get them in front of her with a glass of water, she gets defensive. If I raise my voice she does too and gets angry. I have to give it some time and get her to relax. She has a lot of anxiety. She takes 150 mg of effexor daily to calm her down. We can really butt heads and she usually wins, so I have to change my strategy. No I think my list is just a normal list for a caregiver. She has a lot going on.

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1 reply
1995victoria | @1995victoria | Jun 29 8:59am

How about a small dish of ice cream or pudding after she takes the pills. Remember Mary Poppins "spoonful of sugar"

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joedeb | @joedeb | Jun 29 10:21am

A spoon has helped! I put the pills on the spoon and it gets them farther into her mouth. Better than my big fat fingers. Will add the ice cream for both of us...

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mittenkris | @mittenkris | Jun 30 7:53pm
In reply to @joedeb "Don't know why she gets angry. It has something to do with my approach, I think...." + (show)
@joedeb

Don't know why she gets angry. It has something to do with my approach, I think. If I just come in the room and say lets do your pills and I get them in front of her with a glass of water, she gets defensive. If I raise my voice she does too and gets angry. I have to give it some time and get her to relax. She has a lot of anxiety. She takes 150 mg of effexor daily to calm her down. We can really butt heads and she usually wins, so I have to change my strategy. No I think my list is just a normal list for a caregiver. She has a lot going on.

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My mom was the same when my we would give her medication. Especially if it was dad bring them to her. I ended getting an Alexa and every morning and evening an alarm would go off. She would ask my dad what it was for and he would tell her it was a reminder to take their medicine. Then he would say, you keep relaxing, I'll go get that for you. She was way less defensive when it was an arm clock reminder and not a person reminder. Maybe something similar would help you too.

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