29 yo son has depression, doesn’t want professional help. Advice?

Hi, @elleprincess, and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. That is rough your son's depression is at the point he cannot work. Even more, having a child who does not want to have professional help in this situation would be challenging, given his age.

I'm tagging a few members who have helped a child or other family member who was depressed, as they may have some thoughts for you. Please meet @frances007 @304monarch @supercalifragilistic @animallover25. @ashleyharris728 @celia16 also may have some input for you in working with your son.

What things (other than trying to get him in for professional assistance) have you tried so far to help your son?

First question, why is he depressed? We know that depressive thoughts are thinking of the past and anxiety are thinking of the future. Once you and your know the root issue, then you can tackle it together. I would ask to avoid medication but definitely suggest finding a therapist to help him thru what he’s feeling.

@elleprincess is he open to self help options, such as books or apps? I can recommend some resources if so.
Does he live with you?
At any rate, please show him your unconditional love as often as you can. Let him know how important he is to you, help him prepare healthy food, ask him to go on walks with you. You cannot force someone into getting better if they refuse help, which I’m sure is an agonizing situation. However you can stay present, loving, and involved as much as possible and that will enrich his life and hopefully keep his sense of self worth intact enough to eventually seek help. Best of luck to both of you.

I know your care and attention naturally go first to your son, but as you move through this challenge, it’s just as important to take care of yourself. Your wellbeing matters, too.

You may already be familiar with these resources, but I wanted to share them in case they’re helpful:

NAMI’s guidance for supporting a loved one with mental illness offers practical, compassionate suggestions for families.
https://www.nami.org/types-of-conditions/depression/
NAMI Family‑to‑Family is a free, evidence‑based educational program for family members, significant others, and friends of people with mental health conditions. It’s offered both virtually and in person across many U.S. states.
https://www.nami.org/programs/nami-family-to-family/
NAMI Family Support Groups are free, peer‑led groups for adults who have loved ones living with mental illness. Many people find comfort and strength in connecting with others who understand the experience.
https://www.nami.org/support-groups/nami-family-support-group/
If your son might feel supported by meeting people who’ve been through similar struggles, he could consider NAMI Connection, a weekly peer‑led group available both in person and virtually.
https://www.nami.org/support-groups/nami-connection/
There’s also NAMI Peer‑to‑Peer, a free eight‑session course designed to help adults with mental health conditions better understand themselves and their recovery. It doesn’t offer treatment recommendations, but it does provide insight, community, and encouragement.
https://www.nami.org/programs/nami-peer-to-peer/
I'm cheering your son, you, and your family on in this journey. Mental health challenges are really hard, but they don't define us!

@malebreastcancer47 Why would you suggest not taking antidepressants but rather talk to a therapist?
Depression and anxiety are a disease and should be treated as such. We are lucky new and better antidepressants are coming on the market.
If someone is truly depressed all the therapy in the world is not going to help.
The stigma on mental health is finally lifting as famous people are coming forward with their experiences with this horrible disease.
Bruce Springsteen, Simone Biles and I could go on and on.
I respect everyone’s opinion but therapy is not the answer is someone is truly depressed. Hopefully people read this and find drugs that can help them keep this terrible disease at bay so they can lead normal and productive lives. Don’t think depression goes away because it doesn’t. You can’t stop taking your medications when you start to feel better. When you find something that works just realize that you might have to take it the rest of your life. Be grateful that you feel good and don’t ever take that feeling for granted.

Get him on antidepressants. He might not need them forever but it’s the quickest and most effective solution I have found. I’ve tried different antidepressants and Zoloft works best for me. I was in therapy for years and it never cured my anxiety and depression but Zoloft has helped tremendously. Plus it’s a lot cheaper and safer. There are a lot of expensive and ineffective and even harmful therapists out there.
You can probably find a website online which after a brief consultation will prescribe an antidepressant.

@malebreastcancer47 We agree to disagree. Depression is no different than diabetes, heart disease or cancer and a myriad of other diseases. It is genetic and runs in families.
Depression has existed forever and the people that suffered from it suffered in silence. It was forbidden to say you had depression.
Thank goodness enough people have come out and shared their stories. The stigma is finally lifting a little more everyday.
I am glad you don’t have anxiety or depression anymore. I have a son who is 44 years old with a successful career as a diplomat and anxiety and depression is something he has been fighting most of his adult life.
His wife found a suicide note on his computer and he is getting therapy. Unfortunately our psychiatric system is broken in this country like so much else in the area of health care.
Psychiatrists used to take the time to actually get to know their patients. Now they just reach for their prescription pad. You can’t treat someone unless you know them.

@daveshaw and @malebreastcancer47, your exchange demonstrates that no two people are the same. Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness. And like other illnesses or conditions, there are different treatment options. What may work for one person may not for another. People preferences for one treatment over another may differ.

Medications and psychotherapy are effective for most people with depression. A primary care doctor or psychiatrist can prescribe medications to relieve symptoms. However, many people with depression also benefit from seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professional.

Here are two helpful videos from Mayo Clinic experts:

@elleprincess, checking in. I can imagine that seeing your son suffer is hard as a parent. You're not alone. I appreciate all the resources from National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) that @174hz shared with you.

Mayo Clinic also wrote this helpful article that may give you further tips:
- Depression: Supporting a family member or friend https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943

Does your son see a therapist about his depression? How are YOU doing?