How does sharing diagnosis of Alzheimer's affect patient?

We told my step-mother that she had some memory issues and that this was normal aging and she should not get upset, we all have issues as we age! She laughed and that was that.

That was 6 years ago, she is now in memory care, she spent 3 years in AL we had to move her to MC as she was roaming outside and dumpster diving.

I would do it myself and keep it low key and keep the doctor out of it.

Sending support your way.

I think it depends on the individual with the cognitive issues. My wife started displaying significant memory issues two years ago. Working with our doctor, she underwent a battery of physical and psychological testing that concluded that she had early stage Alzheimer's. It was the neuropsychologist and neurologist that shared this diagnosis with both of us. She accepted that diagnosis, and we have been working together as a team to prepare to handle her memory issues and revise all our legal documents accordingly. One thing that we are careful about is who outside the family we share that information with. She has a very close circle of female friends that she has shared this with and now they are helping her and me to cope with the symptoms. I believe that my wife was relieved to know the explanation for the problems she was having.

in reply to @srakoczy1 This is a tough one, and I only ended up telling my friend that I thought she had dementia because her POA had sent a copy of a letter that I wrote to the bank regarding another person who is suspected of taking money from my friend to whom I am a caregiver. In the letter I stated that I was of the opinion that my friend had severe dementia and was concerned that she could no longer handle her finances. Well, after my friend read my letter she was obviously upset and asked me if I really thought she had "severe dementia." I had just come into her apartment with some groceries she had asked me to buy for her. As I entered the apartment she said to me, "I need to give you some money for those groceries." I said, "You already did."
So, I sat down with her and said that I did believe she had some cognitive impairment, and gave the example of the grocery money, a concept she was able to grasp. Further, I told her that perhaps I had used the wrong wording in my letter to the bank, but suffice to say that she does have cognitive issues that are concerning to me. She has zero short term memory, and this is becoming increasingly frustrating. The only reason the other person shared the letter with her is that she is trying to drive a wedge between my relationship with my friend. It backfired, obviously.
My friend may not fully grasp her disease, but she is fully aware of what she cannot remember. I have tried without avail to teach her ways to help her remember certain things, such as who comes over, who calls her etc,. but she is unwilling or unable to participate in these activities. I am about to give up my caregiver role as I have realized that doing so is having a very negative impact on my already failing health. While I am a loyal and steadfast friend, I can no longer put her ahead of my own needs, health or otherwise. She may outlive me at this point.
I think that your mother has a right to know what is going on with her. My brother in law, age 73, has severe dementia as well, and he is under the care of a neurologist, taking some medication to help him etc. He knows in some way what is wrong with him, and my sister has been very straight forward with him in this regard. Would you be feeling the same way if your mother had cancer? I realize it is a very difficult issue, but I have found that dementia is like the big elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about, and this makes it harder for those of us who are caregivers. Best of luck. I really envy the ability to sleep as well as she does. LOL.

I agree with that sharing the Alzheimers diagnosis depends on the individual and the circumstances. My husband was diagnosed with moderate cognitive impairment a year ago, and Alzheimers after a spinal tap this fall. He is now beginning treatment with the new therapy called Leqemba. He is fully aware of his disease, after having met with a neuropsychologist and now being treated by a neurologist. We have shared his diagnosis and ongoing developments with our adult children, and he agreed that it was OK for me to share the diagnosis with close, nearby friends because I need their support to cope with some of his symptoms. However, he hasn't personally shared his diagnosis with his other family members or his friends. I don't think it's my place to do that, but I think he should soon because his symptoms are becoming much more obvious. Also, others sometimes question me about what's going on with him. I'm never quite sure what to say, except something like he has some health issues that are stressing him out. I'd appreciate any comments about how to handle this situation.

@srakoczy1, you got some helpful responses from other members. I'm wondering if some tips were useful for you. I agree with the others that it really depends on the person, the cognitive abilities and your relationship.

Sometimes getting tough news, especially medical news is easier to hear from the doctor. I've heard that patients with dementia are more likely to accept that they can no longer drive when the doctor tells them rather than a family member.

Has your mom seen the doctor yet? Was your mom aware that she had mild cognitive impairment? Did she understand that this could some day progress?

Hi- feedback was very useful. I was control freak before my mom's diagnosis and diagnosis has compounded my tendencies. My mom is real religious she talked me she gave it up to god so I did too and I let dr. With 30 years experience take the lead. He did not use "a " word but discussed memory issues with her and new medication. He also spent half hour alone with me talking about. Went very well this way. Thanks for asking

In our case, my 75 yo husband, S was dx w MCI and at first we didn’t know what to say to others. But for years I had people ask if he was ok? Do I notice anything? And we would just say “ getting older.” “Slipping” “ Oh that short term memory is going!”
This year We decided to start the journey with evaluations of geriatricians and neuropsychologists leading to sleep studies and driving test.
For us, telling others, at first a few at a time, felt better.
It is a disease after all, and if it was cancer we would be telling people.
S has not been diagnosed as dementia yet. Somehow that feels better. He tells everyone that he has been dx w cognitive impairment. A frequent response is “I would never know. You seem fine. “ or they say to me “ He seems fine.”
It’s hard because what they don’t see is the whiteboard, the daily, hourly reminding, the fact that I now take care of everything. He drives to a few familiar places and I do the rest.
We went on a cruise this Fall. He did great but we told people, and met many “in the same boat.” Everyone was helpful and understanding when S would get a little lost.
He knows this will progress and that we are thinking short term about long term care.
We are enjoying each other as much as possible, although there are days like this morning, where we got in an argument that will go nowhere and just leave us both sad. He will forget and I’ll beat myself up for even going there.
In a nutshell, I am learning this is so different for everyone.
In our case it’s an open book and no secret and would be hard to disguise or conceal.
We kiss each other good night. He loves that. A kiss or hug is very healing.
My heart goes out to all of you. And thank you for all of your sharing.

@ret2tus, I wanted to address your question about how and when to tell others, when your husband can't or doesn't.

You might find the tips shared by Mayo Clinic experts helpful:
- Maintaining Friendships https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/maintaining-friendships/

- Should I Tell My Family About My MCI? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/should-i-tell-my-family-about-my-mci/

- Who Else Besides Family Should I Tell About My MCI? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/who-else-besides-family-should-i-tell-about-my-mci/

- Discussing MCI with children https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/discussing-mci-with-children/

Obviously, you have good communication and shared understanding of who you agreed to tell, but what about the people who haven't been told and symptoms are becoming apparent. That gets stickier, right. You want to respect his control to share when he wants and is ready, but I'm sure you also see that some situations may be eased if the other person had some insight. Am I getting that right?

Thank you, Colleen. You're exactly right. Thank you for the links to the blogs. I may share the one about telling family and close friends with him.

I think it depends on who is asking me about my husband’s Dementia. His older son, whom we rarely see, questioned whether his Dad even had Dementia, so I sent him the results of the 2 hour test results.
My husband has always been quiet but it is his speech that is noticeable now. Sometimes he can’t complete a sentence and slurs his words. This happened just the other day and his sister, who we rarely see, kept giving me looks as if she was aware that he wasn’t himself. But she hasn’t asked any questions about why, so I am assuming she knows.
It is obvious to most who know him that he isn’t the same, but unless they ask me outright what the problem is, I assume they know why. Some people are aware that something isn’t right while others just go along their merry way or just aren’t interested.
The only objection my husband has about telling anyone about his Dementia is a shirt I bought that says “My loved one has Dementia” and he asked if those words were about him. I felt very bad that he felt so exposed by my wearing this shirt that I will not wear it again. It never even occurred to me that he would be bothered by the words. Another lesson learned.