Maintaining Friendships

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Nov 15, 2022 | Dr. Courtney McAlister | @drcourtneymcalister | Comments (3)

Maintaining friendships can sometimes be challenging for individuals experiencing memory loss or mild cognitive impairment (MCI). Common themes that I often hear from patients with MCI and their friends are that friends may not understand memory loss or may not know how to support a friend with MCI. Friends may also have misconceptions and fear about memory loss. Sometimes, the activities that friends enjoy together change over time or plans may be forgotten. Some people with MCI may feel as though they are being treated differently or dismissed. Others may shy away from friends because of the memory loss.

Consider these recommendations for maintaining friendships and discussing memory loss and MCI with friends.

• Make plans to spend time together.
  • Share a new experience (e.g., cooking class, exercise group, community theater production).
  • Review photos and reminisce on memories.
  • Make socializing part of your routine. Schedule regular phone calls or visits and put this information in your calendar.
  • Write reminders to yourself to check in with your friend about an important event, such as after an important procedure or appointment, and what you wanted to tell your friend. You can use your Journal/Notes section in your planner for this.
• Check in with your friend.
  • This may include questions such as, How can we make sure we maintain our friendship? How often do you want to connect? Do we need to make any changes to our time together?
• Share your concerns and how your friends can support you.
  • For example, “I get nervous meeting someone new, because I may not remember their name.”
  • Ask that they reintroduce others (“This is John, we met him last week in our yoga class.”)
  • Let them know your preference or consider having a “signal” if you want them to step in for you if there is a memory or word-finding lapse when out in public.
  • Ask them to “keep you in the loop.”
  • Discuss if you would like to schedule something in advance or prefer something spontaneous?
  • Do you want your friend to provide reminders or ask you to write it in your calendar?
  • Where do you feel safe and able to be yourself?
• Express to your friends what is less helpful.
  • Share “3 things I prefer you don’t say to me about my memory loss” (e.g., I already told you that)
• Ask your friends to help you identify what is important to them too. They may be able to tell you things that also make them feel valued that you can plan to do.
• Invite your friend to participate in your memory care.
  • Consider if you would like to ask your friend to accompany you to a doctor appointment related to memory loss. They can also serve as “an extra set of ears.”
  • Attend a memory-related function together. Consider participating in a Walk to End Alzheimer’s in your community. 2022 Walk to End Alzheimer's | Alzheimer's Association |
• Practice self-compassion as some friendships can change over time.

Comment below to give your tips and experiences on maintaining friendships with MCI!