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No one likes to repeat themselves, apparently
Last night I Googled “why do people hate to repeat themselves?” I didn’t expect to find much but right up at the top were some people on Quora explaining that they get physically ill if asked to repeat a statement more than once.
One reason is they refuse to accept that anyone has a hard time understanding them unless they are “not listening hard enough.” Others say they consider it a personal attack if anyone asks them to repeat themselves. It’s like they assume that they are being accused of mumbling or they think someone is giving them a hard time because they have an unfamiliar accent.
So give me a rough estimate: How many times can you ask someone to repeat themselves before they have a mental meltdown. My guess would be three, on average. People with “normal” hearing are pretty fragile at times. Even people who can see my hearing aid and have been told in advance that my hearing is poor. Even people who should know better, including some medical providers.
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To earthyesworldno
May you never become hearing impaired. Live your self righteous life and thank your genes.
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1 Reaction@earthyesworldno
I wear hearing aids because I have a profound hearing loss. Many many people have some degree of hearing loss and may not realize it as it is a subtle loss over a long period of time. Some may need aids and others may not but they tend to develop a way of listening to speakers. Many, like myself, need to be facing the speaker, know the topic of conversation, rely a bit on speech reading (or lip reading) and have the sound of the speakers voice coming directly to them.
All of us actually lip read (although not more than 30% is understood) whether we realize it or not. No matter how distinctly someone speaks, there is often a need for some repetition. Distance matters as voices tend to fade over 5 or 6 feet. It matters if the speaker is male or female, has an accent, has facial hair . People with some degree of hearing loss tend to have this loss in the high frequencies thereby making words with vowels more difficult to understand. There is a gap in what is heard and a tendency to fill in what they think they heard and also a split second delay until the voice reaches the brain.
We don’t always know about the person we are speaking to and should be mindful that they may have not heard the first time. The best information I ever received was to repeat back what I heard and have the speaker correct me if I heard wrong. That way they don’t have to repeat the entire thing.
I wish more people spoke distinctly but that’s not the case. I never met anyone who deliberately pretends not to understand. I have come across a rare few who absolutely refuse to repeat themselves. It’s a dismal of someone and implies that person is not worth the bother of repeating.
So whether one has perfect hearing or not, a little kindness and tolerance goes a long way.
FL Mary
I just start any medical conversation with "I have a slight hearing loss, so is OK to yell at me or use your outside voice" - we laugh and they then face me so i can see them talk, masking was a necessary challenge; is diagnosed but not enough for aids, combo of aging ears and maybe environmental, but any background static interferes. As only human in house, can turn TV up a bit, boost phone volume, earphones for laptop. Thing is though, as much as I do not want to hear most if what is out there, it gets through anyway; the Nodding Chime tinnitus is interesting - that i hear just fine. I also am no longer shy to ask tech support (who speak a language all their own) have hearing loss - please slow down & speak clearly,. Loved the guy who said - is ok, i do the same for my grandmother.
Sorry, earthyeswordno, but your statement reflects terrific lack of knowledge about the complexities of hearing. You may be speaking "precisely," but perhaps the pitch of your voice, the context, competing noise, your distance from the listener, a distraction for the listener, the myriad frequencies that the listener biologically may or may not be able to hear at, the volume of your speech vs. what the listener biologically requires, or a a myriad other factors which are involved in the complex acts of speaking and hearing may be responsible for someone not understanding what you say. As for your belief that people try to gaslight you by "pretending" not to understand, I suspect your sensitivity to that rare possibility prevents you for discerning when someone really is interested in what you are saying.
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1 ReactionSounds like you have some hearing loss, tinnitus and also hyperacusis. I know, because I have all three too. It is almost impossible to manage. I also have hearing aids, but they don’t do much of anything. If I turn them up enough to help understand conversation, my hyperacusis is just that much worse! It’s as if I don’t hear what I want/need to hear, but I hear everything else crashingly LOUD. It is maddening. Not much is known about any of this. I guess my post is just to say...you are not alone.
I understand much of what you are going through.
Captions on the TV are essential. I use TV to distract myself from tinnitus. I need breaks by myself with quiet too.
Good luck to you. ❤️
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