1. < Caregivers: Dementia

I can’t cope while my husband is dying

Posted by shirleymac @shirleymac, Nov 5, 2023

I started a post and it disappeared. After caring for my husband for 12 years. He had a stroke (not the first) Oct 5 and was taken to the hospital. I thought he would get better and come home, but he had 2 more strokes. After 4 weeks in the hospital, he was moved to a long-term care facility 2 days ago and is in hospice care. I don’t know if he knows he’s dying, because of his dementia. I know and it’s tearing me up that this is happening and there’s nothing I can do. I had a heart attack in May and am trying to take care of myself, but going to the hospital and now the care facility every day have led to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
I have support from my daughter and friends, locally and have a wonderful psychologist, but some days, nothing helps. I just wanted to post, as the dementia caregivers group has helped me so much..

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marye2 | @marye2 | Nov 12, 2023

My husband was in the hospital with a UTI for four days; and I was exhausted, even though I just came during the mornings for Dr visits and then again around dinner time. Can't imagine months. If your husband has dementia, likely he will not remember if you are there daily. It helps to do something else aside from duty here and there so you can sustain your schedule. Make sure you are eating properly, getting enough hydration and fresh air. If you have a friend who can meet for a meal, that could also be helpful. My goal is to give my husband (dementia?) kindness as much as I can while keeping myself healthy. It is difficult. I just had covid and then, two weeks later, a wicked salivary gland infection.

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shirleymac | @shirleymac | Nov 13, 2023
In reply to @marye2 "My husband was in the hospital with a UTI for four days; and I was exhausted,..." + (show)
@marye2

My husband was in the hospital with a UTI for four days; and I was exhausted, even though I just came during the mornings for Dr visits and then again around dinner time. Can't imagine months. If your husband has dementia, likely he will not remember if you are there daily. It helps to do something else aside from duty here and there so you can sustain your schedule. Make sure you are eating properly, getting enough hydration and fresh air. If you have a friend who can meet for a meal, that could also be helpful. My goal is to give my husband (dementia?) kindness as much as I can while keeping myself healthy. It is difficult. I just had covid and then, two weeks later, a wicked salivary gland infection.

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Thank you for sharing. As you and others have suggested, I need to skip a day now and then, for myself. Cooking for one has been odd, but I am doing it. I actually sleep better, knowing he is in good care. I had to tell myself there’s absolutely nothing I can do to change the situation. I’m doing my best to get my steps in every day, as my cardiologist recommended. I am not sure he knows when I’m there, but still manages a kiss, when I tell him I’m leaving. I know the next really difficult thing I have to do is pre-pay for cremation. It’s all so foreign and stressful. The worst thing is I miss him.

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