I'm new here and I'm a drug addict in recovery

Well i wish u the best of luck , take it easy and go with the flow

I too am a drug addict and alcoholic in recovery.

When I was seventeen I was sent to a hospital. I would ultimately spend nine months in treatment.

I went to AA, NA was not very robust at the time and a substance is a substance.

I stayed sober for thirty two years. The Gods saw fit to give me the American dream. I married the love of my life, we have four beautiful children and we became millionaires. At age forty six I made a tragic mistake. I started feeding my ego.

Four years later at age fifty I started doing drugs and drinking again. In six months, my wife left me and took the children, I lost the family fortune and ended up in prison. I deserved all of the suffering I received, I knew better!

I am now clean and sober for another ten years, forty two years of total sobriety out of my sixty years.
Six months was all it took to destroy everything and hurt the people I love the most.

Here are, in no particular order are some of the lessons I have learned.

My substance abuse developed from a desire to escape the pain of feeling my feelings.
I needed lots of therapy to deal with the trauma that lead to my need to escape from my feelings.
There is no force stronger than love. The members of AA/NA loved me when I could not love myself.
If I abuse myself (poor nutrition, no movement, inadequate sleep) it won't be long before I am abusing substances.
The love I feel for others can sustain me during the times I can not sustain myself.

I do not know how old you are. I am a broken sixty year old man. I have seen extra-ordinary heights and extra-ordinary lows. I know only one thing for sure. When the light of love fills my soul there is no room for the darkness.

I do not know you, but I love you. Keep reaching out, I bet others will too. Thank you for being here today.

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

Keep in touch with us and others that have gone through the time to recover. Stay away from those that are still using.
Everyday since 1996 Oct 13th I have recovered from alcohol and drugs and everyday I celebrate being off and away from the addiction that controls you. You can do this! It is a real life that gives you self esteem and motivation to find yourself.

I’m on this site because I have medical problems (myeloma and lung disease), but I saw your post & just want to reach out. I too am an alcoholic/addict in recovery. I’ve been clean & sober for 43 years. I wouldn’t have handled the challenges in my life (cancer) without the support of AA and my program.
Find a support group, your trying is not gonna cut it. There is work involved but it’s very much worth it.

You say u have been trying to stay sober since you Overdosed on drugs, This act alone is significant, people may consume excessive amounts of alcohol one time or another, but (even though there is argument for sensible drug use by a Columbia University professor) my take is one needs to find out What is it that that the user wants to Escape From? THIS is the point, I believe, another comment is telling us when it says: It is a real life that gives you self esteem and motivation to find yourself.

As I understand, we are Social being and have Very strong need to be SEEN by others as fellow humans who are part of the community. AA, e.g., provides such intimacy and Friendship. That's why it's successful. In fact our need for being a member of a group is so strong that the reason young adults who have little focus in life and therefore end up dropping out of schools, find 'brotherhood' in gangs where they eat together with shared goals.
In fact a psychiatrist working directly with skid row clients says that besides housing, these people need Friends and Purpose.
So, I hope you will strive for both, as purpose will give you "self esteem and motivation to find yourself" as one says above. FIND yourself=Purpose Wish you the best.

Thanks for sharing and I to abuse myself and do drugs to kill the pain and I did them all my life its just the only way I no how to cope with life even if I been clean for 7 months now I still feel hopeless without it and I'm lonely and frustrated all the time I to think love can heal anything but I'm scared to even love again cause I hurt men in the past cause of my addiction I'm just trying to get by day by day and deal with the pain of life without drugs but it's hard everyone says it's better for me but I don't feel better I feel worse and mad about it thanks for caring

Awesome 🙂 CONGRATS!! Every single minute clean is a credit to you, what you are doing takes bravery and determination! Getting clean is not for lightweights that is for sure I suggest that you check out a few NA meetings as for me 33 years ago it was most helpful to change my "playgrounds playmates and playthings"( I also added therapy like EMDR and DBT along the way as needed) it never hurts to have a group of people that understand what you are doing as I have found normies don't quite get it! Recovery is still the best choice I have ever made

Wow, much respect 🙂 I have 33 years in and have seen quite a few of my "litter mates" relapse in the double digit years and not have the humility to make it back. Thanks for the reminder and I'm glad that you made it back,

I appreciate you and your very kind words.

I believe that I am a product of my genetics and my environment. I did not choose one day to become an agent of destruction.

I used drugs and alcohol, then latter power and money to avoid me feelings.

I would not be here if it were not for the loving support of a gifted therapist who guided me through the hell of my soul so that I might heal.

I can not tell you what to do. I can tell you that I have never known anyone who made it without some to talk to that was committed to their healing.

On a practical basis, in the beginning I attended AA/NA meetings twice sometimes three times a day. Being in those church basements with others who suffered as I was suffering kept me alive.

For me once I stopped using I never really want that hell back. I wanted the pain to stop. Using would just cause me more pain. I wanted to die for a very long time.

Every minute of everyday was a struggle for quite awhile. Then someone said to me; "maybe you're just not done yet" "maybe you need to suffer more".

I don't like to use profanity, but there is no other way to put it, all could think of was "fuck you if I will use again"!

That kept me clean for longer than I care to admit. Every time I saw him, which was pretty much daily, I'd think "I'm still here, you bastard"! That bastard saved my life.

Eventually I started to recover for real. I embraced the steps, (I tried not think about God too much, figure I'll know soon enough) and worked them like my life depended on it. It did!

My biology had been irrevocably changed by my alcohol and drug use. It took time for my brain to remap. In the mean time when the suffering was really bad, I would imagine myself doing battle with demons. I would think of the members of my group as my army, sometimes I kept fighting so as to not fail them.

For a longtime I didn't love myself to enough to fight for me, so just substituted whatever I cared about the most at the time.

In my experience there is very little certainty in life. I can say with certainty however, that by staying clean your life will improve and the pain will subside to a dull ache, sometimes, I don't even feel it.

As long as I am alive so are my dreams.

I do the best I can with what I have today.

May I suggest that you keep posting, daily if you need, and let us know how you are doing.

You are loved.

You will find peace!