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msjennifer (@msjennifer)

I'm new here and I'm a drug addict in recovery

Addiction & Recovery | Last Active: Jan 4 10:28am | Replies (11)

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@dfb

I too am a drug addict and alcoholic in recovery.

When I was seventeen I was sent to a hospital. I would ultimately spend nine months in treatment.

I went to AA, NA was not very robust at the time and a substance is a substance.

I stayed sober for thirty two years. The Gods saw fit to give me the American dream. I married the love of my life, we have four beautiful children and we became millionaires. At age forty six I made a tragic mistake. I started feeding my ego.

Four years later at age fifty I started doing drugs and drinking again. In six months, my wife left me and took the children, I lost the family fortune and ended up in prison. I deserved all of the suffering I received, I knew better!

I am now clean and sober for another ten years, forty two years of total sobriety out of my sixty years.
Six months was all it took to destroy everything and hurt the people I love the most.

Here are, in no particular order are some of the lessons I have learned.

My substance abuse developed from a desire to escape the pain of feeling my feelings.
I needed lots of therapy to deal with the trauma that lead to my need to escape from my feelings.
There is no force stronger than love. The members of AA/NA loved me when I could not love myself.
If I abuse myself (poor nutrition, no movement, inadequate sleep) it won't be long before I am abusing substances.
The love I feel for others can sustain me during the times I can not sustain myself.

I do not know how old you are. I am a broken sixty year old man. I have seen extra-ordinary heights and extra-ordinary lows. I know only one thing for sure. When the light of love fills my soul there is no room for the darkness.

I do not know you, but I love you. Keep reaching out, I bet others will too. Thank you for being here today.

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

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Replies to "I too am a drug addict and alcoholic in recovery. When I was seventeen I was..."

Thanks for sharing and I to abuse myself and do drugs to kill the pain and I did them all my life its just the only way I no how to cope with life even if I been clean for 7 months now I still feel hopeless without it and I'm lonely and frustrated all the time I to think love can heal anything but I'm scared to even love again cause I hurt men in the past cause of my addiction I'm just trying to get by day by day and deal with the pain of life without drugs but it's hard everyone says it's better for me but I don't feel better I feel worse and mad about it thanks for caring

Wow, much respect 🙂 I have 33 years in and have seen quite a few of my "litter mates" relapse in the double digit years and not have the humility to make it back. Thanks for the reminder and I'm glad that you made it back,