How do you respond to offers of help?

You must live in a place that is vastly different than my own. I can never leave my doors unlocked. I have most of my mail delivered to my sister's home. The crack heads in my neighborhood get excited when they see an Amazon or Fed Ex delivery. They have your stuff in their hands before you even know that it has been delivered.

I take all offers of help from non-insensitive friends and family. I like to give my caretaker husband a break when possible so he can get out of the house and do fun stuff. I've also been given great wigs, beautiful scarves, etc.
Unhelpful comments include:
1) Stories about cancers not personally experienced in some way by the speaker, as patient, caregiver. or direct witness. Valid tips based upon same for dealing with cancer and chemo are great. No bummer hearsay cancer stories about distant cousins you have no relationship with. If it would be inadmissible for you to testify to in a court of law, zip it.
2) Comments like: "It was your choice to buzz your [remaining] hair." "You always had the best hair and now we have no reason to be jealous." "We're all having problems; I can't find a competent tile installer for my second home." It's great way to weed your friend garden, one of those gifts in disguise.
3) Time seems more precious to me since my cancer diagnosis. I have freed myself to say "no" ASAP to persistent unhelpful advisors, oxygen pirates, emotional vampires, professional victims, and unwanted time burners of all kinds. It feels great. Free at last!

What offers of help?

I don't get any.

That was 30 years ago and in a quiet suburb, so yea -

You are blessed to have so many friends!

Yes--and I appreciate your saying so. Actually it has been one of my life's missions--to be a friend.

I always say “ thank you “ then ask for prayer . I am humbled by the offers of help and truly appreciate a persons concern.

Maybe (not saying it did or didn't happen) when you told someone about your condition and they responded with "so sorry, if I can do anything let me know" you saw that as just a polite response? If when you hear something like that just say thank you and ask "do you really mean that? right now there is nothing, but it would be nice to know I can call one you if need arises"
put them on stand-by. some people would love to help, just don't know how.
also, I don't know where you live, but here in California we have charities that will bring good healthy food to you, and your family, daily while you recover.
There are a lot of good people out there that would love to help but you may have to reach out and I know that is hard when you are ailing. I hope you are recovering and will be well soon.
positive thoughts your way.

There are those who truly mean it when they say, "Call me and let me know what I can do to help. Anything at all!" Those bless our lives, and we feel comfortable knowing when the shoe is on the other foot, we'll be there for them..

And there are those who say, "I'm sorry, how may I help you?", hoping you won't suggest something.

Sometimes figuring out which group someone belongs to is the challenge.
Ginger

I know they mean well but I have a hard time with this kind of statement and if they know me, they know asking for help is really hard for me. I’d much prefer they offer what they are willing to help with. Example: “I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’m happy to go grocery shopping (or cleaning, dog walking, cat box shopping, lawn mowing, lending a sympathy ear, take to appointments, etc) for you anytime (or when you’re going shopping for yourself call and ask if I need anything).” That takes the heat off of me for feeling bad for asking you to go out of your way or at least let me know what you’re able to help with. Another option is simply text me and say, “I’d like to come by and do some housekeeping for you this week, what day works?”