Do you have any suggestions for caregiver burnout?

Posted by laura42 @laura42, Sep 16, 2023

Hi, do you guys have any suggestions about caregiver burnout. my husband’s mother moved in with us I love her dearly, but it’s almost easier to be at work and then be at home. I find that I fight up-and-down emotions and I’m worried I will burn out. Previous to her moving in my husband. I had a quiet life at home and we don’t have kids. Her health goes back-and-forth with trips of the ER in the last month. We’re all through feeling the stress. Any suggestions?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Sep 16, 2023

@laura42 I see that you are new to Mayo Clinic Connect. Welcome! You are in a tough situation. It’s always difficult to have an extra person in the house, unless you live in a mansion! What were the reasons that led your MIL to live with you? Is she independent? I found this earlier discussion about the same problem.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/elderly-parent-living-with-me/
I hope @srdatt and @kim9876 will respond and you can share ideas. Have you looked at apartments or assisted living places near you. It might be just what your MIL needs and wants.
Can you and your husband have a good, honest discussion about the matter?

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Sep 17, 2023

@laura42 Let me add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I bet you are not the only one in this situation!

Please be sure you and your husband take care of yourselves physically/ emotionally/mentally. @becsbuddy has given you some great ideas.
Ginger

laura42 | @laura42 | Sep 17, 2023

In reply to @becsbuddy "@laura42 I see that you are new to Mayo Clinic Connect. Welcome! You are in a..." + (show)

Thank you it’s been emotional

laura42 | @laura42 | Sep 17, 2023

In reply to @becsbuddy "@laura42 I see that you are new to Mayo Clinic Connect. Welcome! You are in a..." + (show)

We love her and want her to be with us. Her secondary insurance, Inclusa will only pay for a group home at this point, and us as a family, including her to feel comfortable with that. When she is doing well it’s not as stressful but my life is so full know that I am overwhelmed. Thank you for the links to other persons post.

vickie1320 | @vickie1320 | Sep 19, 2023

Hi Laura, I’m so sorry for your situation. The role of caregiver is hard & can be thankless at times. Just know you are a loving caring person who puts your mil first. People will tell you to be sure to take care of yourself. Honestly, I got tired of hearing that from my in laws. To me, that was the hardest thing for me to do. It is NOT EASY! I know first hand that you can do it. If it’s easier for you to be at work, then perhaps that’s where you should be if that makes your life easier. You will get through this demanding role and please, reach out for help. I found this support group to be the most helpful source of my journey through my husband’s cancer. So, keep coming back here❤️

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Sep 19, 2023

In reply to @vickie1320 "Hi Laura, I’m so sorry for your situation. The role of caregiver is hard & can..." + (show)

@vickie1320 I thought that you and others might like this discussion by @IndianaScott :
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/imnsho-the-top-ten-things-not-to-say-to-a-caregiver/
It so fits your dilemma! Did you learn anything new?

hakesb | @hakesb | Sep 19, 2023

Thinking about your situation, I think you need to look for daily opportunities to be one on one with your husband. That’s what I would be missing in your situation. We all need regular time to talk candidly with our partner. It doesn’t matter if it’s emotional, logical, or simply irrational - you need daily time to talk with your husband without another set of ears listening.