I'm very supportive, but she doesn't want it

Very best wishes to you, and thank you for reaching out. On one hand, it still doesn't make sense to me because these reactions from my girlfriend are opposite of everything we ever were or ever anticipated we would be. One the other hand, it sadly makes sense to me because I obviously see that everything she was has been affected by an affliction unlike anything of which I have ever even heard. I do want us back, even if forever changed. That is the bond. Whether that will happen is the mystery. It seems logical and obvious to me; I know I can't take it personally that it is not to her, but reaching that place has been indescribably awful. And it is very difficult even to know where to begin to move on in any sense when she is still here. That has been my greatest challenge, I think. I have gradually conceded that she loves me but has no mechanism for expressing it, much less contributing to our relationship. I don't even think she is capable of saying that she is sorry that things are not like we always had and expected. Maybe if I were in her place, I would be in the same isolated mentality. I have no doubt that she thinks she is protecting me; like you say, it makes no sense because I have seen her in practically every way conceivable and don't feel protected at all when being pushed aside. It's such a life-altering place that I cannot help but mourn. And that's the catch. It's an in-between state for me. As much as I would rather not, I have to "move on." At the same time, that doesn't mean forsake, and I don't want to close the door. Grief can take a long time anyway, but this just is really hard to compare to anything else. This is almost cruel, but it is like a living death, for each of us in different ways. It has been going on a long time--long time to hope for a turnaround, also not nearly as long as it could go, though I have absolutely no idea how she could continue going to work like she does indefinitely. And when she reaches that conclusion, I cannot think of any other option she is going to have but to ask me to take over everything. There are some family history issues going on with her; her mother had ailments and sometimes became non-functional; my gf has basically vowed to herself that she will not become non-functional, which is admirable, but it also means isolating herself more than is necessary. I have tried to avoid sharing in this forum things very specific about either of us, but an event last week was one of the saddest, and it sort of summarizes everything. She got home from work, opened the car door, and the door swung back on her. For 5-10 minutes, she simply did not have enough strength to push the car door open while she sobbed. I can only imagine her hopelessness. But it did not put me off. I wasn't available at that moment but gladly would have held the door and got her inside. The physical problems are not an issue for me because I know she is the one burdened with them. But the mental aspect, including facing the death or at least likely permanent alteration of our dreams while she is still living, all while she seems to get little or no benefit from my presence or help, is definitely something I can no longer handle alone. I am very appreciative for you and others in the forum who have cared to respond because it has been the only place where a group of people has been able even to approximate inhabiting the same space I do. I'm fine with adjusting my oxygen mask. But I am scared that the time might not come when I can help with hers.

Get it together man. Enough. You are NOT married to this woman and she’s treating you like this??? Your post is alarming. “ You can’t leave her”, WHY. FYI, a woman that says she appreciates you and not love you, SHE Doesn’t love you. Her illness has nothing to do with it. IF you are the type that smothers a woman, STOP IT, IF you are the type that allow a woman to walk all over you, PLEASE...,STOP IT. If what you posted is 100% true, this woman is trying to wean you off of her and not feel guilty about it. You are an adult, take this time AWAY from this person, to get to know YOU, and what YOU need in an a relationship. Also, talk to her, tell her how you feel and see if she feels the same. I hope her long term covid gets better and I hope you find a STRONGER you. 🙏🏽

It is very painful when your love and caring is not reciprocated, and difficult when you are not able to relieve someone else’s suffering. I’m very sorry about your situation.
For what it’s worth, I thought I’d share my experience with Long Covid, because it may be relevant.
My first symptom of covid was profound apathy. I realized I didn’t feel or care about anything - was surprised by how uninterested I was in appreciating a beautiful day, bored by conversations that would usually peak my interest, and had no desire to do anything about it.
Intellectually, I still loved my spouse and children and friends and family, but I didn’t feel anything.
A few days later, I heard from a number of people I’d been with that they tested positive for covid so I tested myself and was also positive. Took Paxlovid, felt better for a few weeks, but then it all returned, and lasted for several months. I have been working in the Long Covid field for the past 2 ½ years, so it would make sense that I’d know what to do and how to proceed, but I cared so little about my situation that I didn’t bother. It wasn’t until I found myself dispassionately frequently thinking about suicide that I sought help. Even that decision was an intellectual one - what a hassle and burden I’d be putting on my family if I were to do that!
I was given an antidepressant and it has helped tremendously. I still have mild cognitive decline, but I care about things and can feel again.
I tell this long story because it was (and still is) clear to me that my attitude and state of mind had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. None of my loved ones could have done something different to make me feel better (or worse), because I actually had no capacity to feel anything.
Which is to say, your girlfriend’s attitude may have absolutely nothing to do with you. That can be both good news and bad news.
Keep in mind that you do need to look out for your own mental and physical health. Stepping back and/or letting go may be part of the solution, at least for now.

All these issues are so difficult to grasp, regardless of angle or sincerity, but this is as helpful an approach as I have seen, and I thank you. I also wish very sincerely for your continually improving health. My girlfriend is already on antidepressant medication. Whether it is the right one/s or if she needs a "wake up" moment like you had are things I can't answer. I honestly don't know how anyone wouldn't contemplate suicide when the agony is as intense as what you and she report, and I am so thankful you diverted from that path. So when the brain fog started to lift some for you, what did that do for communication with your family? Were you able to say/explain things in a way that you hadn't in a long while? Were you able to give and receive love again? I think if so, this would be something hopeful for me to hold onto. I definitely have to find alternate ways to maintain mental well-being; it is difficult because her presence changed that for me completely, and nothing will ever substitute for that, and her emotional absence feels like I had vitamins or sunshine taken away. And if I can do that, I guess the one remaining thing is to maintain hope for her first and us second, hopefully sooner rather than later before a gulf that would have been impossible to imagine becomes so wide that it becomes impossible to bridge again. I have completely stopped suggesting what seem like obvious things, that receiving love is healthy or that we have talked about what to rely on in disaster scenarios; those bridges into her are clearly shut down. I am always encouraging but only after she reaches out first to communicate how things are going, and there can be several days in between. It sounds like the stepping back is as much for my good as hers, as there may not be much that affects her state of mind until enough time or some relief has come. She basically rescued me from PTSD; she was always there, never gave up on me, kept telling me what was great about me. I thought the same would help with her. It hasn't, and it won't. Talking about it helps, though. So thank you again.