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Alzheimer’s and hygiene (or lack of)
Has any caregiver here had a difficult (or impossible) time with toileting and bathing a family member with Alzheimer’s?
My dad is in moderate stage and he is ABSOLUTELY frustrating and often time’s IMPOSSIBLE to care for when it comes to changing soiled clothes, wiping or washing; even sanitizing his hands. He gets angry and combative right away (starts swinging and threatening) with the caregiver when they’re just trying to wipe him or otherwise get/keep him clean. It is SO stressful because it’s not something where you can “let it go”.
I don’t understand it either. I know sometimes people with dementia understand what’s going on around them. But, he is still mobile (which means strong enough to overpower), communicates (has some difficulty understanding too much at once, but he sure can speak nasty sentences and concepts when he’s fighting you with the toilet stuff!).
I don’t understand why this is such an impossible thing. It’s not like it’s something new or painful. We’ve always wiped and washed, so what’s the deal?!
Has anyone else experienced this to this degree? What can be done? PLEASE HELP 🙁
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in reply to @providence1960 Thank you. I returned earlier from my friend's, after making her dinner etc. She is eating less, does not like any noise and seems more confused than ever before. I am concerned about the progression of her disease and wonder just how much longer she will be able to stay in her apartment. Understanding that I need a break, I feel awfully guilty about the thought of taking a respite, When I talk to her about the fact that I want to visit my sister, and that I will also be having outpatient surgery while at my sisters because she lives close to the facility where I will go for the procedures, she becomes visibly upset, I have assured her I will not be gone more than 5 days and that she can still call me as often as she wants. She knows that I want to see my sister, and she knows the person I have arranged to take my place for the duration of my "vacation." However, convincing her that everything is going to be okay, I can see the panic in her face, and this bothers me deeply. Hopefully, I will be able to get her to agree to having someone else come over, it will simply take some time, and I will not leave until I know that she fully accepts the fact that I do need to go to my sisters. Guilt is terrible, as we all know. I will persevere.
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3 ReactionsHere's another related discussion where members have shared additional tips:
- Dementia Anger Issues - bathing https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/dementia-anger-issues-bathing/
@1k194, how are you doing?
Hi @frances007, your friend is fortunate to have such a kind and caring friend as you. If your friend is under medical care, can you provide an update to the doctor and request a referral? Is there an Office of Aging or Alzheimer's Association in your area? Maybe it's time to reach out, talk to a social worker. You can also call the Alzheimer's Association helpline 24/7 at 1-800-272-3900 and get some guidance. It's best to prepare as much as possible now for when the inevitable happens and your friend can no longer stay in her apartment on her own.
It sounds like you are doing all you can, plus worrying a great deal about your friend, when you're not with her. You are doing more than many others would do in a similar situation. I hope you find some peace and solace in this. I hope your own medical procedure goes smoothly.
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