I'm just tired. . .so tired of this everyday battle

I can relate to a lot of this. Most days I just drag myself through the days. My son came for a visit and wanted to visit his father's grave. I got out of the car, saw the plaque, then quickly got back in the car and started screaming until I couldn't scream. There are a lot of days (too many) when I can't even get dressed. I also have a diagnosis of PTSD because of an abusive mother. Somehow I found the strength to move far away from her. And a few years later, after more abuse as an adult, I found the courage to tell her to her face that I no longer wanted to talk to her or to see her. And I didn't. However there are a lot of scars that make living hard. I am old now and finally started therapy. My therapist gets me and I am starting to feel better. I do not take drugs. I don't want anything messing my brain. My life is not what I would want, but depending on how many more years I have left, maybe it will be better.

I am crying all the way through your story. I am so sorry that life has thrown so many hardships on you. I lost my husband 5 years ago. A crazy problem with a normal endoscopy. He was my soulmate and best friend. I would rather trade places with him. I lost my mother a year ago. I had a total hip replacement 5 months ago. I recooperated all alone with 5 cats to take care of. Today I am in horrible pain. I still have to take care of 4 cats (I lost one). I love them dearly and they keep me going, but it's becoming more and more difficult to take care of them. The pain in my hip has gotten worse and I don't know what to do. I have a friend who helps me out with litter changes, etc. If not for him, I don't know what I would do. I don't know where to turn. I just keep dealing with the pain and trying to keep my kitties and household going. But, I don't want to anymore. I'm so tired. I just keep hoping things will get better. I pray a lot. I'm sick of whining to anyone who will listen. Sorry for the "not so happy" story.

It's not always others' fault they just do not understand what some of us are going through. Suggesting a walk; go out and have coffee with a friend; jigsaw puzzle... they are so nice to try and help but it is way beyond all these helpful suggestions... but it does show they care enough to make them. At almost 80 I have had my share physical and mental and everything in between, its not that I dont want to live, I do not want to live and endure how I feel ... it's such a horrible feeling and then the guilt when I see or hear of someone in much more pain/physical or mental; and the guilt isn't helping. It's a genuine struggle and am not looking for sympathy either, just support of how you feel... 💜🦋💙

I have cried my way through the last two Sundays. First, in my Bible study class. Second, in the sanctuary during the church service. I believe that God loves me. Yet, I cannot rid myself of pain and grief.

I just want all of you that are suffering from pain or depression or like me, a mental disorder that has no cure and is a life long struggle that I am glad we are here to offer the help we can and empathy not sympathy. We have probably all gotten sick of sympathy because it doesn’t do any good. We are all here to offer true support because we have been in the same situation and can truly know what it feels like. This is a great place to reach out for support
No matter what age, problem, or circumstance you are in, I very strongly support counseling/therapy for several reasons
1. They do understand because they have experience and knowledge
2. Someone to vent to that will not judge you
3. Support, empathy and not sympathy
4. There are so many that you can choose from until you can find the right one for you. Don’t give up if the first one doesn’t fit your needs
5. They are online if you can’t get out
6. They are covered by insurance
7. They don’t just try one medication after another
8. You are not limited to 20 minutes like the doctors that are just too busy to care anymore
9. They have resources to help
10. You can simply walk out or disconnect the video chat at anytime without repercussions
11. Someone that will listen and can be objective and not judge you or criticize and you can trust to keep confidential

Those around you try to offer support but they are too close to be objective. I hope this helps somewhat

Well I just lost my whole post and I'm too tired to rewrite it 😫. I'm sorry. But as I scrolled through looking for my answer I saw such a common theme running through this conversation and it makes me feel so sad. Wouldn't it be great if we could all hang together ? We could all sit and talk and commiserate with each other because we all UNDERSTAND what we each are feeling. 🥹 My favorite line is "I wish someone could walk in my shoes for just one day..." they wouldn't be able to handle it ! But guess what ?
I can. ❤️

Here's a fellow "almost 80" -- with a life that has gone thru three cycles of hard and 'not hard' financially. I still am able to live independently -- with a senior cat who gives me lot more than take (seeing it curled up close by on waking up even as one shoulder has become crooked I keep him as much active by letting jump down from the kitchen and bathroom counter tops multiple times before giving food. Or do rough play that engages his most body, risking bites (yesterday I got two, one bled a while, but it was labor-of-loving play)
But I find this year I am not as strong in some ways (I can't do full pull-up from a tree branch in my neighborhood park) but in some other ways (walked up the stairs with 15+ pounds of groceries all 13 floors, testing my heartbeat when it peaked at more than twice (about 140 per minute 5 floors from top.
So far no meds, no surgeries, no seeing my doctor for years. I'd some chest pain; tried to expand my rib-cage but didn't seem to help, went for a brisk 45 min walk on uneven surfaces when possible and right now as I write these lines I feel strong and alert. But what truly helps me I believe that I get up each day with the work that I believe I must accomplish, the so-called having a purpose. Prof Patrick Hill of Washington Univ at St Louis has done much research and believes it's the central cause that helps us live with fewer issues, no matter what stage. Social Contact is crucial in his msg. And that is something NOT in my control, and it keeps me looking for ways where to find a few of those with whom I'll have an invigorating time together. Seniors seem to be second most lonely (first are 14 to 20s)
I wish you luck with your health and fitness.

A purpose in life. Yes. So important.. also to have quality of life. That’s great you have purpose and sounds like you push yourself to meet your “goals” and that is working for you... I have never been so lonely in my life yet live with a spouse and 2 adult children within walking distance. But a person could be one foot apart from another human and still feel alone. Alone with my thoughts, feelings, regrets, still a tiny bit of hope.... as many are. One thing caught my eye about not seeing doctors for many years or surgeries etc. Since I had cancer many many years ago, radiation which cause internal problems I live with, errors by doctors ; bad reactions to medications etc. Don’t get me wrong: thankful to have the doctors and treatments - no wonder we are living longer... however illness/treatments with side effects have not always been a positive outcome or solution as we all know. Looking back, without radiation dr said I had 12 to 18 months to live - and this decision to proceed with treatment how many people have had to take a chance. After treatment was given 40 per cent change of living 5 yrs and here I am today.. over thirty years later; then I feel sorry for myself with other illnesses and then read on here or hear about people or relatives who did not survive the illness or the treatment and guilt floods over me which is to be expected... or read about how you are coping - and this makes me feel like a failure/complainer etc... and so the emotions go swirling around daily. Take care and thanks for sharing your story with everyone. J (sorry if I am chatting all over the place).

How do I connect with this kind of help. Thank you so much!

I am so happy that 30 years later , you are doing ok . It’s ok to have the feelings your having . You are a survivor! Good for you ! I am actually a failure . My husband has cancer , a tumor at the base of his skull returned after 27 years . He had very dangerous surgery and thank god made it thru, it was a long recovery. Unfortunately they could not get it all, because it was too close to his curated artery . I am a complete mess . I am on several meds or I could not function . I talk to a therapist but no one can take away the pain and fear , that I am feeling . He already had radiation 27 years ago and can’t do it again and chemo does
Not respond to it . So now we wait and he gets scans and is monitored . You are a proud survivor. I am a failure because I am constantly depressed and scared . My family has been supportive but they are upset with me , because I am not being stronger . I
never feel like doing anything or being with others and have COVID fears. I know , probably the only one left on this planet with those fears .😢