Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

Local libraries are my current places to visit as they have general interest programs -- board games, reading what book or news inspired you, puzzles that teach us logical thinking AND having a relaxed time hopefully that will open up to more questions and interests that we might find in common with others. It's an entry point to knowing people IN YOUR OWN NEIGHBORHOOD. After all a friend far away is not of much use -- this is why fb friends or on Instagram or similar platfoms are EMPTY even if momentarily enjoyable.

Due to an abusive mother, I grew up shy and unable to connect with other people. Now, at the ripe old age of 88 going on 89 I am finally getting therapy. I did get up enough courage to leave my mother and move far away. I managed to find a job and some semblance of a life. But I still had and have trouble meeting people. I was so fortunate to meet the man who became my husband and we were married for 59 years before he passed away. Now it is loneliness most of the time. I have gone to a couple of those places who offer independent and assisted living and they are not for me. I have discussed this with my therapist. I told her I really think that for me this is my best life. Instead of constantly thriving to do this or that to meet people I am just not going there. It get me nothing and tends to make me feel worse. I need to make peace with who and what I am. At this point I have no idea how long I will be here even though I am relatively healthy, am living independently and can drive myself everywhere I need to go. I go to the library frequently as I love to read. Occasionally there is a lunch with someone but I never pretend they are going to be a friend. I call them friendly acquaintances. Once I made up my mind I felt better. I admit it is not wonderful feeling lonely and I miss my husband so much, but it is what it is. I hope you can quiet your mind and find your place.

Heyy

Heyy, @hxt28 . Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! Have you looked through all the different discussions in the Just Want to Talk support group? There are some good ones!
What brings you to Mayo Connect and how did you find us?

im desperatley lonely as well. Divorced after 27 years, my kids grown & gone......My world was wrapped around them.....now im alone, no one to takecare of.
Would love penpal

Sometimes you can be around groups of people and go to lunch or breakfast or any kind of activities and still feel lonely and alone..my wife and I don’t even go out anymore because we don’t know anyone new…the few older people we had known passed away or moved away..but just being in this group gives us a chance to hear each other and respond with each other…you are not alone as another post pointed out…you can be friends
here and I think the responses are very genuine and in the interests of us all..you are not alone…as I’ve heard it said many times…’be good to yourself’..happy holidays to you and all who come here..😀

Hello 👋
You may find many petals here…it’s just nice to. Communicate and sometimes just share feelings.. I am new to this discussion group but have followed other health groups on this forum..sometimes thing just seem better when you can communicate with someone, pen pals are a good 👍 way to do this…being codependent myself I can relate somewhat to your frank post…😀

There can be more than one cause of loneliness. I can offer some sources of information that have been helpful for me. You might find these sources in your library, by interlibrary loan, or Amazon or BN.com

"Help for Shy People" by Gerald Philips

"The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults" by Elizabeth Laugeson

"Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders" by Aaron T. Beck

For me, the Gerald M. Philips book was the most helpful.

About marriage, John Gottman has written several good books.

I have never found any sensible books about dating. There was a famous psychologist whose name I can't remember who figured out how to connect with women by basically running a new experiment every day. That is, try something, see what happens, and then think about it afterward to see what you can learn.

By the way, John Gottman met his wife through speed dating. He had to try more than 60 speed dates before he met her.

I definitely do not recommend online dating sites. I have done that experiment, and the conclusion is that they are not useful.

I to would like a penpal. My wife has passed and the kids have family's of their own. I've started to write this a few times. I hope I post it this time. To me this seems a little to public for a penpal. I guess I have never had one, so what do I know. Sorry for rambling on. Have a good day.

I understand your loneliness. According to what I am hearing, almost 65 percent of people are lonely. Do you have a special interest or hobby that you could find others who also share these with you? One of my favorite interests is playing bridge. I have met over 100 people in bridge clubs and have made many friends this way. These online chats are very helpful to so many of us.