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Struggling with my MD's style
I had a visit with my oncologist Monday morning. This is the third one since this process started. I am told he is a good MD, and I think that's likely the case--but his approach as he talks to me bothers me. To put it bluntly, I feel like he's written me off. He tells me how many months I'll have until I "start feeling it" or that it "wouldn't be responsible" to go back to my part-time teaching job in August because "by December you won't be able to continue." As he said before, I have "one year, two years, three years." I am aware that this is a difference in style--he believes in being frank and honest-- and he's coming from a knowledgeable position of seeing many more cases than just mine. I know this is a lousy cancer, but I'm looking for support and encouragement as well as information, and I don't feel like I'm getting it. As a result, I am really discouraged every time I see him. After meeting with him Monday, I went into chemo nearly in tears. I don't give up easily, and I'm willing to work to fight this cancer and get a little normalcy back in my life. I don't want to switch practices because the nursing care and the hospital system have been incredible, but I'm wondering whether it is worth inquiring about switching MDs. Or perhaps I should say something to this doc the next time. I haven't said anything to him yet. I'd be interested in hearing your perspective. How do your doctors address the challenges and the prognosis? Please tell me about their approach and their style. And thanks for letting me vent.
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nct # is05687110 The drug is novobiocin for brca and other mutations.mine is ATM mutated.Good luck.
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2 ReactionsHere's a link to DF on this topic ...
https://www.dana-farber.org/newsroom/news-releases/2023/novobiocin-attacks-brca-mutated-cancer-cells-from-within-and-without--study-shows/
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5 Reactions@pendesk8 and @mayoconnectuser1 , Best wishes and thank you both very much!
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1 ReactionThanks so much for this, I have the BRCA1 mutation. Have responded to chemo with 5-FU and oxyplatinum. Developed allergy to the oxy, favored in BRCA tumors after 11 cycles of treatment, also have neuropathy. I went from borderline to resectable with surgery scheduled 21st. I am wondering what I might need afterwards, hopefully just olarib and no more chemo.
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1 ReactionSo you belting tomPanCan? A pancreatic association that will help you. Sign up if haven’t. I switched oncologist because of bedside manner, I emailed pancam and asked for the best oncologist and gastroenterologist in Cleveland area and they gave me names and I did switch. I felt I was giving these men my life and wasn’t happy. Just a suggestion, we all have different issues. Good luck my PC friend
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6 ReactionsThank you for posting this (and I'm sorry that I have little to add). My onc has a very dry, brusque manner, and I'm still not sure whether he's the best choice for me; it's been only a few months (he met with me c. 3-2-23 briefly, then for a long "what to expect" appt. on 3-17-23, then twice briefly since the start of chemo, which was 4-4-23). So far I find his dryness helpful, but I do also sometimes feel as though he's rushing me out -- that maybe, unconsciously, he thinks that a 61yo Medicaid patient shouldn't expect much -- ? (Apologies to him if I'm misinterpreting his demeanor.)
I would cautiously encourage you to think about -- just think about it, don't act yet -- talking to yours: telling him that you value his his medical expertise and somewhat appreciate his candor but at the same time his style isn't a good match for yours -- that when you leave his office you feel discouraged and depressed -- and that you'd like him either to respond to you differently (which he probably can't do) or to help you find another oncologist at that medical facility, one who would be a better match for you.
Good luck.
pendesk, do you mind if I ask whether you mean Kimmel Center at U of MD? I live in Maryland, which is why I'm asking.
I'm at the almost-start of my journey -- 6 chemo infusions, some ambiguity about whether my cancer has metastasized, waiting for news next week about what comes next (radiation, or rad. + surgery, or surgery) -- and I've glanced at a list of clinical trials, just in case. So that's why I'm asking for a little more info about any relevant names (facility, the trial, the physician conducting it), if you're comfortable sharing it.
I wish you good results! Take care.
gamaryanne, just an anecdotal fyi -- one of the 1st things I did after my diagnosis was look up RBG's medical history, bc I knew that she'd had pancreatic cancer with nodules on her lungs (me too), and that she and I have a few other things in common, both genetically and environmentally. So I agree that she's a source of inspiration for those of us with this crummy disease.
I wish you well.
@mayoconnectuser1 : I'm respectfully asking you to think about how you phrase things ----> "I know you ***may*** feel you have been ***wronged*** at some point" is a bit judge-y and even incendiary -- not helpful for anyone struggling with this disease -- and it's also inaccurate (one of your criticisms of the comment you responded to -- " ... is both unfair, inaccurate, and ... ").
Instead, perhaps: "I hear that you aren't getting what you need from this doctor" -- factual and no judgement. Affirming even as you post an opposing viewpoint in the rest of your comment.
I mean no offense; my goal is to help keep things respectful and help keep the temperature down. Thanks.
@gamaryanne: I'd be very grateful if you'd be comfortable sharing the name of your onc. at Hopkins (I live in MD). Thank you, and best wishes.