Struggling with my MD's style

Posted by ncteacher @ncteacher, Jun 6, 2023

I had a visit with my oncologist Monday morning. This is the third one since this process started. I am told he is a good MD, and I think that's likely the case--but his approach as he talks to me bothers me. To put it bluntly, I feel like he's written me off. He tells me how many months I'll have until I "start feeling it" or that it "wouldn't be responsible" to go back to my part-time teaching job in August because "by December you won't be able to continue." As he said before, I have "one year, two years, three years." I am aware that this is a difference in style--he believes in being frank and honest-- and he's coming from a knowledgeable position of seeing many more cases than just mine. I know this is a lousy cancer, but I'm looking for support and encouragement as well as information, and I don't feel like I'm getting it. As a result, I am really discouraged every time I see him. After meeting with him Monday, I went into chemo nearly in tears. I don't give up easily, and I'm willing to work to fight this cancer and get a little normalcy back in my life. I don't want to switch practices because the nursing care and the hospital system have been incredible, but I'm wondering whether it is worth inquiring about switching MDs. Or perhaps I should say something to this doc the next time. I haven't said anything to him yet. I'd be interested in hearing your perspective. How do your doctors address the challenges and the prognosis? Please tell me about their approach and their style. And thanks for letting me vent.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Pancreatic Cancer Support Group.

@jk77

@mayoconnectuser1 : I'm respectfully asking you to think about how you phrase things ----> "I know you ***may*** feel you have been ***wronged*** at some point" is a bit judge-y and even incendiary -- not helpful for anyone struggling with this disease -- and it's also inaccurate (one of your criticisms of the comment you responded to -- " ... is both unfair, inaccurate, and ... ").

Instead, perhaps: "I hear that you aren't getting what you need from this doctor" -- factual and no judgement. Affirming even as you post an opposing viewpoint in the rest of your comment.

I mean no offense; my goal is to help keep things respectful and help keep the temperature down. Thanks.

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I am quite OK with my phrasing.

Doctors are the smartest, most socially motivated people on Earth. Patients who say the insinuatingly nasty and unsubstantiated things about them that I see in this forum need to understand they are, for the most part, taking their anger out on the very people who are attempting to save their lives.

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@jk77

pendesk, do you mind if I ask whether you mean Kimmel Center at U of MD? I live in Maryland, which is why I'm asking.

I'm at the almost-start of my journey -- 6 chemo infusions, some ambiguity about whether my cancer has metastasized, waiting for news next week about what comes next (radiation, or rad. + surgery, or surgery) -- and I've glanced at a list of clinical trials, just in case. So that's why I'm asking for a little more info about any relevant names (facility, the trial, the physician conducting it), if you're comfortable sharing it.

I wish you good results! Take care.

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No it is the nationL health institute in Bethesda .Still working on getting in the trial.So many hoops to jump through.I'm almost there though.

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