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Questioning my existence
Diagnosed with HIV in 2021. Also discovered Kaposi sarcoma cancer at same time. Completed 20 doxil treatments. 6 month checkup July 11. I still have not told a single soul. I cannot bear to tell my family. We were estranged over 10 years when I came out. I have started smoking cigarettes and meth. I am 44 years old. I’ve never been in a real relationship. No kids, no pets, no partner. I live alone. I’m unhappy. No one benefits from me being alive. Idk what to do anymore-or if I wanna do anything. I just want to be done.
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Call 988. Seriously.
You can talk to someone who has experience helping people who are feeling like you do.
Just call. Pease.
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11 ReactionsI sent you a private message. I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I can talk anytime.
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8 Reactions@kaposi Please, call 988. Call a friend. I know that it may all seem so bleak right now, but you have reached out, and here we are, This tells me you want to connect with someone.
What is it that makes you smile, now or in the past? What has held you back from telling your family/friends about your situation? Is there one person more than others who you would feel comfortable sharing with? Health concerns can really mess with your mind; I know they did to me!
How are you doing this morning?
Ginger
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11 ReactionsHi @kaposi, I'm going to jump in here too and join the chorus along with @esikora @vellen and @gingerw.
Were you able to talk with someone at 988?
988 is the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (https://988lifeline.org/). They are available 24/7 whenever you need someone by text or phone.
- Call or text: 988
- Chat & text: https://988lifeline.org/chat/
Let me know if you'd like to connect with other members who have sarcoma. I look forward to reading a post from you today just to let us know you got our messages.
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9 ReactionsThanks I’m feeling some better today as I was able to speak with a counselor last night/this morning. I appreciate your care and concern.
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13 ReactionsThanks @colleenyoung I’m feeling some better today as I was able to speak with a counselor last night/this morning. I appreciate your care and concern.
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9 ReactionsHi Ginger
I’m doing some better this morning as I was able to speak with a counselor last night/this morning. Hope you have a great day and thanks for your care and concern. I appreciate it.
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5 ReactionsI'm glad you're feeling a bit better.
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5 ReactionsSo good to hear from you, @kaposi! You know we were all holding our breath. 🙂
I'm glad that you were able to speak with a counselor. Real time talking with someone means a lot, especially in the moment. Besides dealing with the diagnoses of Kaposi's sarcoma and HIV, and just finishing 20 rounds of chemo treatment, waiting for a 6-month check-up is stressful. I'm also tagging fellow member @leroy23, who lives with Kaposi's sarcoma and HIV. I hope you can connect.
Have you heard of the term "Scanxiety"? Many cancer patients experience it. It's a pretty good way to sum up those few days/hours before going for a 6-month checkup to see how your body responded to treatment. I get that.
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9 Reactions@kaposi I am so glad to hear you are feeling better! I wanted to respond yesterday after reading your post, but I had surgery and didn't feel good. I know you can understand the anxiety I felt facing another procedure!
But enough about me. What plans have you made going forward now, to talk to someone? Please take a look at your list of close friends and family, and pick one or two you might like to approach with what you need to share.
Having someone nearby to turn to is never a bad thing, and of course, we are here, too.
Today I am sending you a warm hug of support, and hope you will reach out to me and others!
Ginger
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8 Reactions