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Discussions with family

Posted by buggirl55 @buggirl55, Jun 23, 2023

Do any of you have thoughts around how to discuss the condition of your loved one with other family members? my brother called last night and he hasn't been "home" in years so doesn't understand her condition. He doesn't do well with death so i honestly think he wanted to come out after my mom passes but i told him it wasn't too much longer. she won't know him anyway but i think he is coming out. I am nervous forhim as this isn't easy to see and experience. rest of family said they wanted to wait as they don't want to remember her that way.

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centre | @centre | Jun 26, 2023
In reply to @buggirl55 "TY. i realize that. my brother in law passed away shortly after my hubby left the..." + (show)
@buggirl55

TY. i realize that. my brother in law passed away shortly after my hubby left the room to go home. I couldn't get him back to hospital in time. I think part of my BIL wishes. Also my another BIL passed in 2021 after my SIL left the room to go shower she slept by his side, worked from home, same room, etc. I know when God calls her home it is her time. whether I am here or not. I do sleep in the bedroom away from her so i get some sleep so i can continue working and functioning. the first 2 weeks i didn't sleep at all which didn't help anyone. I am grateful to have whatever time I do have that i can spend with her but if I am not here when she passes, i am close by to help my father through it.

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Others have mentioned and I will too- having worked in Home Care and Hospice, it is not unusual at all for the loved one to pass at their own timing when their primary caregiver has left the room. I think partly they relax and are ready to reach for the hand reaching down and partly they want to spare their loved one more distress.
Two stories- a hospice nurse told me that the husband had left the room, the wife looked up at her and said, “I’m ready, you’ll stay with him?”, the nurse said, “Yes I will, I’ll stay with him”. She closed her eyes and passed. Next- a hospice nurse told me our patient had died on Mother’s Day, the patient had really been looking forward to the day, the whole family had planned to gather at her house and enjoy a big family get-together. The nurse told me the meal was over, the “girls” were in the kitchen cleaning up, the guys had taken the nephews and nieces outside to play, Mom was in her comfy living room chair. One daughter came in to see if Mom needed anything and she had passed.
Please temper expectations that you’ll be there at the final moment, your loved one may have something else in mind. Wishing you peace and comfort.

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trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Jun 26, 2023
In reply to @hbjuniperflat "Yes, I have spoken with them and yes, there are probably some ways to approach this..." + (show)
@hbjuniperflat

Yes, I have spoken with them and yes, there are probably some ways to approach this topic without me doing all of "the heavy lifting." We were with a special Hospice program called "Supportive Care for Dementia," which is only offered through Phoenix, AZ Hospice group. It was very helpful, but we were discharged in April. Now, it seems that we may be ready for the next level or "real" Hospice and we are back in our home state of Oregon. I will need to link up with these folks and our doctor will assist in this, as well. Thank you for your thoughts.

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hpjuniperflat,
We live in Scottsdale, it would be great to have some extra support. What hospice group was it? What kind of support care did they offer and why were you discharged? Sorry for so many questions but I've never heard of that.

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