Advice to caregivers from another viewpoint

Thank you for posting this and sharing your light and lovely perspective. My husband has mild cognitive impairment and I’m finding we better start laughing more and not being so bleak about what could be. “It’s all a silly mad idea, don’t forget to laugh. “ a favorite quote from A Course in Miracles.

I agree with this 100%. My husband has had dementia for 5 years now, and right at the beginning I vowed not to treat him like a child (even though he acts like one sometimes). I’d you can’t laugh about some of this stuff (like finding the freezer door wide open in the morning with everything inside having turned pretty soggy) you’ll make yourself crazy. And when people ask him how he’s doing, his usual answer these days is, “Well - I’m not dead yet!” Always said with a big smile on his face.

Lissu thank you for your post. Our journey started 1/11/2001 when my husband was in an accident and had severe brain damage. By 2017 doctors started referring to his problems as Alzheimer’s . He is now at late stage 6. But we can still laugh at some things. He has a hard time trying to get words out so we play the game, I ask for hints, anything to get the answer to what he is trying to say, then we can laugh because I make it a game. There was a time he would be angry but over time and good meds that helped with anger we now laugh a lot. But after being married for 54 years I think we are doing the best we can not to let Alzheimer’s take both of us.
Prayers for you!

You are so right, @lissu. I joke around or say the stupidest things and my husband and I crack up together. Or when he asks me what day it is, I sing "Yesterday was Wednesday, tomorrow is Friday, today is..." and he finishes the song. It's good to keep it as light as we can whenever we can. And I will definitely check out dementia humor. Thank you!

Thank you all for the reminder to keep the humor in the caregiving. It is easy to do so when interacting with other caregivers - the old "if we don't laugh, we cry" saying. But is so difficult to keep the humor in the caregiving when the caregiving gets so very frustrating. Right now I'm ensconced in our upstairs bedroom as I broke my foot 2 weeks ago today. Ortho ordered me to not put any weight on it until next week sometime, & then only if there is no pain. Hence, I'm confined upstairs. Don't see the ortho for 4 more weeks. No driving until who knows when. He hasn't driven in nearly 3 years. We've created a little "dorm" room for some meals & coffee. It is very frustrating as my husband has practically no memory, little executive functioning & auditory & visual processing. Any instructions / requests need to be one word at a time -- repeated many times. So -- very frustrating. Increased his home health aides to 6 days a week from 3. He doesn't understand why as he thinks he's ok except for a memory problem. I need them just to be with him when he is downstairs to watch that he doesn't leave the house, falls or hurts himself. Or loses -- like his glasses - continually. I can't help him from upstairs. Anyway, he did lose a pair of glasses (we have several). He was frantic. I told him several times that they were on his face. Took a while, but when he finally understood, we both had a good laugh! It was very refreshing! And has helped break the tension over my foot.

So thanks for the reminder from all of you to keep the humor in the caregiving! Pauline (Lena)

Lena, thank you for inspiring me today with your post. I have a similar situation, without the broken foot. Today I will practice using more humor with my husband.

Dear Lena, So sorry about your foot. Glad you have access to some help. This is one of my fears- that I would have something and not be able to manage it all.
You take care. Mary

I think we all fear that, Mary The caregiver conundrum. Who takes care of us!?

Mary, it definitely has been a learning experience, not only for myself, but for our 3 adult children, only 1 of which lives nearby. And luckily much of an inconvenience this is, at least it's mild compared to other alternatives. So, despite this minor crisis, some good is coming out of it.

Thanks for your reply & support. You take care as well.

Pauline (Lena)

I saw my energy healer yesterday. She said your whole life and every thought is your husband lately. You need to find you and as things settle from all the doctors ( since March when we started this journey to diagnosed and life planning) go back to doing something that feeds your soul. For me that is teaching and coaching but this whole thing has led me into a land of not knowing more than ever.
I thought we would age healthfully and now we have a health challenge so different from cancer or diabetes etc. Not as easy to talk about and hard to determine a prognosis.
All we can do is live in the moment and lighten up.
Yesterday we saw the Geriatrician at the aging center here. He says my husband is doing good. Keep up with lifestyle- high protein diet, interacting socially, exercise and training the brain.
Also suggested a speech therapist to work in cognition. Anyone tried that?