1. < Caregivers: Dementia

My anxiety about my husband's memory loss is pretty bad

Posted by meitsjustme @meitsjustme, Apr 30, 2023

I try to support my husband. I don't react negatively to repeated questions. But, I can hear my tone. I'm not arguing. But, he sees my face. There's so much! How do I make him know that I still think he's a wonderful man...a great husband? Fortunately (I think it's fortunate, anyway), he seems supremely confident in spite of realizing that his memory is impaired. And, he doesn't hold a grudge, so there's that. He loves it when I forget something. (grins!) I'm so worried about our future. How will I be able to manage him if it gets bad? We can't afford a memory care facility. The kids live far away, so there is intermittent help there if any. So, my question for the group is this. How to handle the anxiety. I'm making mistakes at work. I never could sleep well, so sleep is a problem now, too. I exercise, and that helps a bit. I reach out to friends. They're supportive. I'm not religious. And, my husband's memory loss is not the only major stressor in my life at the moment. My youngest brother has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver and heart failure. He doesn't believe that he should stop drinking.
Finally, forgive me for being a crybaby or maybe posting this in the wrong spot. I know many of you have problems much worse than mine. I admire you all for your fortitude and grit. I just needed to vent.

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pattyinal | @pattyinal | May 12, 2023
In reply to @meitsjustme "Thanks for the support! I didn't take the negative comment too seriously. I realize everyone comes..." + (show)
@meitsjustme

Thanks for the support! I didn't take the negative comment too seriously. I realize everyone comes to this place with their own history and individual point of view. At first, I was taken aback by the vitriol, but I decided I had much more serious things to worry about.
Sometimes I feel pretty good. Someone posted about their partner being an emotional sponge. I think of that and it helps me control my own moods. I don't show frustration as easily when I know my husband will most likely pick it right up and get upset.
I'm reading a lot about caregiving for dementia patients, and that's helping, somewhat. I'm practicing gratitude. I'm trying to discern what the reality of my situation is, and to put it in perspective. Sometimes I'm better at this than other times.
I'm sorry to hear about you and others in similar situations. Although, the knowledge that other people can do it makes me stronger, It makes me believe that I can do it, too,

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If you have not already, I encourage you to Google Teepa Snow at Positive Approach to Care. She has YouTube, Facebook,& TikTok sites, many of which are free. I learned SO much from her about caring for my loved one while also caring for myself. She is SO gifted and has so many tips.
Blessings to you.

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meitsjustme | @meitsjustme | May 12, 2023
In reply to @pattyinal "If you have not already, I encourage you to Google Teepa Snow at Positive Approach to..." + (show)
@pattyinal

If you have not already, I encourage you to Google Teepa Snow at Positive Approach to Care. She has YouTube, Facebook,& TikTok sites, many of which are free. I learned SO much from her about caring for my loved one while also caring for myself. She is SO gifted and has so many tips.
Blessings to you.

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Yes! I love her enthusiasm!

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andipandi1223 | @andipandi1223 | May 14, 2023
In reply to @pattyinal "My hat is off to you. I don’t know how you do what you are doing..." + (show)
@pattyinal

My hat is off to you. I don’t know how you do what you are doing and work at the same time, all in your own strength. My husband passed away this week after what really has been a 16 year dementia journey. These last 3 years have been the hardest thing I have ever done. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out, “Lord, help! I can’t do this!” It was as if He said, ” I know you can’t , but I can”. And He did! He’s been my strength. I’ve done things I never dreamed I would or could do because He is my strength. We have grieved for years. Now we can rejoice. Not only is my sweet husband whole again, better than ever before! but our family, our friends and our church family are all better people because of it. May God bless you and be your strength too.

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Amen!!

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maryvc | @maryvc | Feb 10 8:26am

Teepa Snow’s podcast is so helpful. I started listening from 2019. It is truly a POSITIVE approach. Love it

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coping123 | @coping123 | Feb 11 11:16am

Try to focus on the present for the time being. The future is way too unpredictable & worrying about what might or might not happen steals the joy from today. Yes, it is important to be looking ahead & planning but you don’t have to do everything at once. It’s important to get somewhat stabilized in the present to deal with the future. I found a great therapist who specializes in dementia patients & their caregivers. I’ve had weekly telemed appointments with her for about 2 years. They really help. And for my - due to multiple stressors in my life - I am on anti-anxiety meds. It can take months to find the right medication & correct dose & get stabilized. For me, they have been very helpful. You may want to talk with your PCP about that option. Please don’t minimize your circumstances by thinking you’re situation isn’t as bad as others. Each of us is so very different & each of our loved ones with dementia is unique (and ever changing). You are in a very difficult place. Acknowledge that & don’t let anyone discredit it ❤️

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