How do you handle uncooperative and manipulative behaviors?

Cmiddlet, I don’t know the age of your kids and I don’t have little ones at home, but my grands are nearby and are ages 14, 17, 18(with special needs) & 20. Their Papa moved to his Heavenly home this week. They have watched as dementia has taken its toll on him for over 10 years now. Instead of focusing on them, as he had always done, he became more and more self-centered. Yet, they have been wonderful with him and so helpful to me. My son has said, on more than one occasion, “ Mom, I don’t know why you have to go through this, but if for nothing else, it is invaluable to our kids. They have learned so much about unconditional love and serving others.” I’m sure that your kids are learning invaluable life lessons too. As we have made this long, long journey and I have made endless apologies and explanations to strangers, over and over, their responses have been, “ I understand. My mom, (grandma, uncle, neighbor etc) had the same thing. “ Every family, it seems, has somehow been touched by this horrible thing called dementia. Your children will be stronger and more compassionate because of this life changing experience, helping to care for their dad. God bless you. One day at the time.

@buggirl55 Your posting has some great advice. But, as a nurse, i strongly advise against crushing pills unless a doctor gives his OK. Many pills will give you an instant hit of the medication, like an overdose. Better be safe than sorry!
Do your parents have someone with then, like a caretaker?

Interesting. We have hospice aides and nurses coming in at this point. She is unable to take meds any other way. So they advised us to crush them

I have trouble taking medications. This is what I did under a doctor and pharmacists care and advice.
I had to make sure the medication was not extended release. They had to be “short acting”. Some medications are dangerous as buggirl55 mentioned if they are crushed. You can check with the pharmacist to be sure which ones can and which ones cant.
I cannot and do not crush antacid such as pantaprozole or ANY “long acting” medication.

I had to change most prescriptions to be short acting taken twice a day instead of once a day (because I now take short acting).

The blood pressure capsule contents my cardiologist suggested not to grind, so I take capsule contents (tiny beads) with applesauce.

This is a suggestion. If you currently have long acting medications, they most likely should be able to prescribe the short acting versions that you can safely grind.

My dad had frontal lobe trouble and he became very selfish and self centered. It would seem his inhibitions were diminished as everything was about him. Some issues were a battle. Eating. Sometimes he did sometimes he refused. After a while we soon realized this was due to condition and not so much reflective of his prior demeanor.

When I realized that was the case I began to accept this was not dad anymore. That it was a different person. There was grieving with this process. But a new peace was found when dealing with the poor attitudes. Realizing they cannot help it and aren’t intentionally being abusive. They lack the insight and self reflection. Its like it evaporated.

I hope the situation gets better for your family.

@buggirl55 It’s usually OK for the nurses to crush meds—they know which medications are safe. Probably all the medications you have are safe. I was speaking generally. Most people wouldn't have hospice to guide them. I apologize for causing confusion.
How is your mother doing?

Good to know but I am checking with hospice to ensure they know if there are any differences with my moms meds in crushing them and not still 🙂
She is declining. Yet yesterday she talked nonstop for about 20 hours straight. not even a 5 min nap or quiet time. so we are thinking one of the meds is causing her to be more hyper. She is more talking to people more active, not sleeping, etc.
But last night we did increase one med by 1/2 pill and for the first time in about a week she actually slept soundly through the night without talking/moving much so that was awesome. I actually was able to get more than 2 hours of sleep last night as I still work full time and commute to work (1.5 hours each way in traffic) so needed some rest.

@buggirl55 Oh, my goodness, you really have your hands full! Do you have any siblings who help you? I am very impressed with the dedication and caring for your mom that you exhibit. I will hold you in my thoughts.
Becky

TY Becky. it is hard but yet when I am not there I am wanting to be there too.
i had 3 brothers. one passed at 34, other disowned his family 20 + years ago and my third lives across the US. I do have a "sister" who isn't blood but my mom babysat her at 1 month old. so she is helping me with 1 day/night a week so I can get one day at home knowing my mom is cared for. 🙂
I think i need to hire more caregivers though so cover more time otherwise, I am going to get sick and that won't help anyone.

pattyinal. sorry to hear about your loss. hugs. While it is bittersweet to know they have gone to their Heavenly home, our hearts break and miss them and we remember the good times.