My anxiety about my husband's memory loss is pretty bad

My husband was diagnosed with MCI in March. For the first time at my physical, I flunked the depression and anxiety questionnaire?
My therapist said, no you passed because you are fully aware of what you are feeling and it’s totally appropriate considering getting used to this new normal.
I have that same tone sometimes, and then feel so bad for my husband. We try to find joy in our day and it helps to remember to hug.
And give yourself a hug.

Thanks. It's important to look for the joy and the hugs. Thanks for your good advice.

My mom began developing symptoms such as getting lost easily, not recognizing people. It's so hard to keep from crying everyday. She's doing badly. She has a care giver, but for her finances she's much better off living in a nearby assisted living facility. She forgets how to use the toilet. She's terrified I'm going to abandon her (never gonna happen). The false memories have started. She's afraid we'll run out of money and be on the streets (we won't).

But I started crying when I began to write it. She's such a tiny, fragile little old lady who is scared, confused and frightened daily. I can't get an image out of my head of her standing in her night clothes sobbing inconsolable like a little 2 year old girl who lost her mommy and all the feelings of fear, powerlessness, sadness and loneliness. I've gone through much in my life, I'm a strong person, but this is beyond me. I'm an only child, my dad (divorced 50+ years ago) and just died. I've wrapped myself so much in her well being I no longer know where I end aand she begins. For medication she takes Seroquel and Aricept. Please, please help me. I can't do this alone.

Garth Voigt

@ga908453 I am so sorry that this is happening. We all know that this kind of change will happen one day, but we’re still shocked when it does. Is this a sudden change or has it come on slowly? Has she seen her doctor lately? These changes could be due to many things, including her medications. Her doctor could also refer to a gerontologist, a doctor who specializes in ageing. This gerontologist may also be able to connect you with a geriatric care manager. This is a registered nurse who specializes in resources and care for the elderly. They should be able to help you with many of the decisions that come up daily.
So, you start with your mother’s doctor, get a check-up, and ask for a referral to a gerontologist. They should be able to help find a geriatric care manager.
Will you try these suggestions and keep me posted on what you learn?

So, the fridge stopped working on Friday while I was at work. We had already had a repair guy out twice and he's supposed to come back today to fix it. They call. The repair guy has a problem and won't be out today. Husband is on the extension and tells the scheduler and me that he, my husband, unplugged the fridge on Friday. Appliance problems and dementia...if I wasn't so frustrated, I'd think it was hilarious.

Reading everyone's input reminds me of how amazing we are as carepartners. Not perfect but amazing! We choose to show up everyday for our loved one!
One important tool I have recognized is that my husband is so often a mood sponge who reflects back to me the mood I present to him. If I stay cool, calm and collected, 95% of the time he does also!! If I get upset, so does he!!
Acceptance of this journey is NOT approval!! Dementia in its many forms is so tough!! But I got up today to focus on enjoying as many moments as I can.
One of the biggest adjustments is to simply enjoy and focus on the moments as long range plans and goals are no longer achievable/doable as they were in the past.
The importance of taking care of oneself is that is I don't take care of me I will not be able to take care of him, or even be around to take care of him!!
The idea of not having your loved one at home can feel so overwhelming, such a huge loss. Not being able to keep your loved one at home does not make you a failure!! Because being able to handle being on duty 24/7 for years on end takes a tremendous toll on your body, mind, emotions. You also age!! If you squeeze in a little time to go visit different facilities before hand, you will have facts to address, time to process all the information and emotions that are a part of this difficult decision.
Take a deep breath or five!! Smile at yourself in the mirror!! Give yourself a hug. Say thanks to yourself for showing up today!! May God grant you both peace (and some sleep!!)!!

One day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. In highly stressful moments , stop. Take a deep breath. Slowly release it. Repeat at least 3 times. It’s very calming.
Just two days ago, we buried my wonderful brilliant husband of 57+ years who had fought the dementia battle for 16 years. For us it was a very slow process the first several years and early on we had some fun travels and experiences. Later, not so fun. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. He became very resistant to all things pertaining to hygiene. In one of the many books I read, the author said, “No one ever died from not taking a bath.” Whew!I stopped stressing over it. Each day we would bathe as much as he could tolerate. It might be just his feet or his back, or his bottom. The next day it might be other body parts. Whatever the source of his resistance, medicines, changing clothes, going to bed, I learned to walk away and come back and try again in a few minutes. Often the next time, or the next we would accomplish our task, and I made a point of saying, “Thank you for letting me help you”. When he became fixated on something, I found distraction to be a huge help. When he tried to eat a fire starter stick, our son traded him a slice of pizza for it. I also learned to seek out distractions for myself. Have someone else sit while I have a little “me” time to run an errand , get a hair cut or lunch with s friend. All those things are helpful but the most helpful thing has been our shared faith in God and the knowledge that this is not all there is. When he left his earthly body a few days ago to move into his Heavenly home, I told him to “save me a place” and I have every confidence that when it’s my turn, I too will enter into that Heavenly place prepared for me. May He grant you peace that passes understanding.

My hat is off to you. I don’t know how you do what you are doing and work at the same time, all in your own strength. My husband passed away this week after what really has been a 16 year dementia journey. These last 3 years have been the hardest thing I have ever done. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out, “Lord, help! I can’t do this!” It was as if He said, ” I know you can’t , but I can”. And He did! He’s been my strength. I’ve done things I never dreamed I would or could do because He is my strength. We have grieved for years. Now we can rejoice. Not only is my sweet husband whole again, better than ever before! but our family, our friends and our church family are all better people because of it. May God bless you and be your strength too.

Laughing helps too.

I like your comment about the mood sponge. He does better if I am home and doing my thing, but days I am out more than a couple of hours are not nearly as good. He does not mean to be verbally abusive, but I need the break! Eventually, I will find a way, I suppose, while keeping up with my needs and his.