Alzheimer's with Hallucinations

Hi,@bobbisedlmayr My wife had to take an electronic version of a driving test. She wouldn't believe family that her driving had deteriorated, but the test proved it, and when her doctor said 'no more driving' she accepted it. It was a huge relief!

While I know every patient is unique as they journey with dementia, with my wife I realized it did no good to rationalize or try and be logical and correct her minor misconceptions. I did not spend time trying to get her to understand where she was wrong, only to get her to move on to another topic or in many cases I'd simply agree with her and add a question on the end to get her thinking about something else.

As my wife's neuro doc always used to remind me -- a broken brain is often impossible to understand.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Thank you for more helpful insight. I have been slowly leaning to redirect him. But driving is a hot point. But I learned the P.A. Sent in the medical dmv form. I don't know what was recommended. I guess we will find out when they call Steve for his appt?
It has been a long day. Tomorrow am his neurologist is calling for a phone check in.

My husband has vascular dementia and is a (now) sober alcoholic. During his drinking years, he regularly (and loudly) accused me of having affairs. This has continued with the dementia, only with much more graphic accusations (think the f word in all its grammatical forms). I learned long ago reason doesn't work, nor proof, nor tears of hurt or desperate reassurance. I learned to just say, "Why would I be interested in anyone else when I have you?" and just keep doing whatever I was doing or find something to do.
Its hard to understand the journeys the Lord sets us on.

Teri and Bobbisedlmayr,
This brain disease is the most heartbreaking and perplexing thing. I always thought that Alzheimers was mainly a memory issue but I hadn't realized that it can make the patient imagine so many things that are not real and behave in a manner that is hard to understand. I try not to take things personally but it is so difficult during the times when my husband does not know who I am.
We are basically saying goodbye to our loved ones one agonizing moment at a time.
I am so sorry for what you are both going through.
Katrina

https://www.amazon.com/Travelers-Unimaginable-Lands-Dementia-Workings/dp/0399590536
I highly recommend this new book which has great insights into the dementia patient and those who care for that person. This is not another how-to book. Download the sample on Amazon if you're skeptical.

Thank you, @katrina123.
I guess Alzheimer's shows us the complexities of the brain. When it functions "normally", we don't even think about it. When it doesn't function well, we are perplexed, startled, and at a loss.
It's heartbreaking because we lose our loved ones in bits and pieces.
It's a blessing that my husband does not seem frustrated or bothered by what he can't remember. He asks me a lot of questions about the past, our family histories, etc. Lately I notice he's testing his memory frequently, then asking me for verification, "We live on Grey Street, right?"
Every day brings new challenges, that's for sure.

Katrina, those sound like what my 51 year old husband has. It is really heartbreaking. We do family counseling once per week. That helps, as he appears physically normal and fit, but his mind - its hard on our 12 and 15 year old kids and all of our family and friends. The counselor can note the changes in his cognition as his dementia progresses, and yes, the driving privileges loss, it's my fault, too. Our 15 year old has a driver permit so I explained she needs driving experience and he is happy to let her take him to appointments.

My 94 year old grandma has Alzheimer's, but its very different, its like she gets stuck in a loop with things she says. And asks when she will go home (she lives with my mom and kindly asks her all day long, "are you the lady who gives me my medicine?". My mom, she finds humor in every day. You have to find humor to heal.

Blessings. And know that your grief is shared.

I guess we just have to realize that their brains are not working right. My husband just told me that he knew there was another woman in our house but he wanted me to know that he was not unfaithful to me. I laughed and then cried. Then I told him I didn't mind what he did while he was having an hallucination. We have been married for 55 years and he has been a wonderful husband. He has Alzheimer's with hallucinations and he imagines things that are not real. I try to think how hard this must be for my husband. He actually remembers things he has done that don't make sense and then apologizes later for what I am going through. It is odd to me how he can be so confused but then sometimes he can recall things that he has said.

bobbi,
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am only in the beginning of this journey and I have much compassion for you.

teri,
You spoke about last Easter. So how long have you been going through this? Where do you get your strength?

My husband felt ill today so we were not able to meet up with our family. First time in 55 years.

Hi @katrina123,
In 2017, when I retired and was home fulltime, I noticed my husband was using words in an odd way, not knowing the names of utensils and making up names - like the pancake turner-over. Also he used to be competitive and like to play chess, but he stopped enjoying it. In 2019, he had an MRI and neuropsychological testing that led to a diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease. He broke his hip last year, was in rehab and the physical therapist told me he was highly functioning . Generally he has a good disposition, accepts that I manage our affairs and still helps with some household chores. I can leave him for a few hours at a time. He doesn't wander or get into trouble. So, for now, we're in a holding pattern and I am grateful for that.
I have some good friends I can talk to, and so far, I'm managing. About finding my strength, I don't know. This is just something I have to do and see through.
Take care,
Teri

I asked Tara's permission to use this beautiful poem and she agreed! It gave me some consolation in my wife's 10 year battle with Alzheimer's disease. I hope it can be of some help for you too.
https://pivottohappy.com/alz-poem/