Husband With Slow Cognitive Decline: So sad & confused

He gets episodes of glassy eyes a little spacey and if he naps he is fine after. He is being tested for seizures too. It’s hard not having any answers. Ugh

Bobbised, To begin with, you have your hands full. My first visit would be to his MD and explain his driving. His MD can have his DL removed. I know how hard it is to do that but not only is he endangering himself, he’s also endangering everyone around him ……David

It has been a whirlwind. So many appts. We do have dr appt wed. To get dr order to have a driving test done with to see where his driving levels are.

I am in the same boat where there are noticeable deficiencies but basic functions are ok. The neuropsych exam noted problems with planning. But, we have also noted issues with specific tasks like locating files on the computer, figuring out data on lists (we produce a directory for a club) and so on. He can still sort pills, but I have large labels on allergy, diarrhea and other common pills. Still driving, but it worries me when he is alone. We took a driving trip for a few weeks, and the changes in environment made things difficult and I noticed I had to do a lot of support. He is now on oxygen as there is not enough oxygen getting to his brain--request a pulmonary function test. Brain seems ok as far as CT, but he will not go for an MRI due to claustrophobia. Calm, simple home life helps. I am trying to restructure our lives so I get respite for a couple of hours daily (lunch with friends, mahjong, walks, etc). I plan to find a self help group through the local Council on Aging. In person therapy is unavailable with Medicare--everyone is too busy to book. I have been back and forth with trying to figure this out as it does affect my life and will in the future--make sure you get some time out daily.

My husband was getting syncope, but he is also diabetic. We have an oximeter and we also take his blood glucose readings and check his blood pressure. He was having "white outs." Breathing and oxygen is at better levels when lying down, rather than sitting. We do the 15 minute watch for low glucose: a few ounces of classic coke, a small snack and test again in 15 minutes. Usually resolves. We have glucose tabs everywhere, including in the car. It took a couple of years to sort this out. We went to a pulmonologist.

They now have open MRI’S . Less claustrophobic for the patient…..David

I hear all you are saying. I just got my husband to a drivers assessment test. Then I mentioned we had needed to reach out to a lawyer so I made an appt for us. He flipped a switch. No hes not going. He will make his own lawyer appt. I have been asking for a couple of months. We r that couple who has done nothing. He would never allow and now we have to get all this done while he still can say what he wants and sign documents. Today is a reL struggle. Anger and tears.

Well your options are limited BUT not impossible. Keep your appointment with your attorney and explain what really is going on. Your Lawyer and MD can take this in front of a judge to rule him incompetent to make decisions or sign any legal forms. I know it sounds harsh but since he can’t be cooperative then for your own sanity you have to do what needs to be done. Insure that your safety is your #1 priority! As well, know that anyone losing their independence are angry, scared, as well as all emotions that go with dementia. Prayers heading your way…..David

I was a bit familiar with it when other people in family were dealing with it; but there is a whole different life when living with it. I have read many books on brain issues and one of my favs was "Vanishing", a very personal one. You using the word "disappearing" is part of it. Some days are good and then i relax and the "crazy" day comes along is a bit of a surprise. My term "crazy" not mean, it is like sometimes when i had "crazy" days with kids. I think i am okay but stomach goes nuts and i end up feeling like crying, when he takes nap i do too.
You are not disappearing but have become a caretaker by love and yes, angry, sad, but think of all the years before and find things to laugh about. And i do keep a journal and pray, pray, pray.

Hello, @marye2 I read your post with interest as it reminded me of going through a similar situation with my wife as she declined. I know everyone, every situation, and their journeys are unique but here is what I did to get this critical issue taken care of. While my wife was initially reluctant to do this, I told her if anything happened to either of us and we didn't have a will, the government had one for us (by law) and they would dictate what and where our assets went. She quickly agreed she'd rather have our personal say-so in these matters!

I talked with my wife so I understood her basic desires for the important stuff. Then I went to our lawyer and we drafted our documents -- will, estate plans, durable POA, medical POA, advance directives, etc. I then took the drafts home to discuss with my wife in almost final form. This way it was not as overwhelming to her and she could just react to things rather than have to create it all. There were actually very few changes she wanted. In our town, our attorney actually came over to our home with his secretary to witness, notarize, etc. the signings.

Strength, Courage, & Peace