Husband with MCI rude to family members: What else can we do?

Hello, @susu76 I'm Scott and I understand your thoughts on this having been through it for 14+ years with my wife.

Our daughter would come to visit and the first thing she would hear when I told my wife she was at the house was "when are you leaving?"

I would explain over and over that it was the disease talking and not her mom. I believe this is a crucial distinction since when our loved ones are fighting this disease we cannot expect them to be logical or live by the "rules" we'd like or expect them to. All kinds of activity, noise, visitors, etc. quickly, and sometimes immediately, became overwhelming to my wife and she had to retreat to her room. Sometimes she would manage half an hour with family, sometimes far, far less. We came to accept this, again, as her disease running her brain and not her.

For many years my wife could not tolerate any noise in our home -- visitors, music, TV, radio, etc. It was all too overwhelming to her brain to figure out and contend with.

Just my view and opinion, but I would say your husband is demented and not rude. He seems to be managing life the only way he can with his disease.

If I may ask, how long has your husband been diagnosed with his MCI?

Strength, Courage, & Peace

It’s the medicine, changing their personality!

Hi @susu76, my husband has moderate Alzheimer's disease. He was diagnosed in 2019, but the symptoms were there at least two years earlier. He is very comfortable in our house, with our routine. He has forgotten most family members, and sometimes regards visitors as intruders. I keep visitors to a minimum because I want him to feel safe in our home. It sometimes helps to tell him who's coming over and why, but, of course he forgets. He's free to retreat to our bedroom whenever he wants without repercussions. His brain can only take so much overstimulation, then he needs rest. Being "up" for visitors exhausts him.
It might be helpful to tone things down a bit with your son, have a short visit all together, or a quiet meal, then let your husband go rest. Or maybe your son can visit with your husband for a while, then visit with you afterward, separately. I hope that helps.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind support. I am new at this….official MCI diagnosis about six months ago. I am working on my knowledge and awareness, but it is obvious that I need to ramp up my patience! I have much to learn. I truly appreciate your taking the time to respond. Your information and suggestions are so helpful!

My husband (51 years old, LBD) is rude to visitors, too. I am his caregiver (with a full time professional job, raising our two kids, 12 and 15).

It is kind of unsettling and embarrassing when it happens, and as others have said, it is the disease talking. I just explain to our family and friends beforehand that at times, it can be similar to handling someone on a severe bad acid trip that doesn't ever really go away.

He is a sports fan, so if I can time visits during games on TV, he has the option to visit with all of us and watch or else go to the man cave and watch by himself.

Something that worked for me personally, handling everything - is the Four Agreements. My kids and I - it works for us. He says he doesn't have to agree to anything - which is the dementia talking again. The Four Agreements - look it up online, it saved our family's sanity.