My husband has dementia and we think that it's Alzheimer's

You sure have a lot on your plate Merry. I'll pray for you and your husband. My wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers in 2018 at the age of 54. She is currently in the late moderate stage. I have found that the more patient and calm I can be, the easier it is for my wife to cope. I pray alot and find that Jesus gives me strength and reminds me to be patient, even when I'm struggling to do so. Most of the time when my wife asks me to repeat something over and over again, isn't because she didn't hear but rather because she is still trying to gather the information and process it so she can remember it or make sense of it (somewhat). I have learned to go at her pace, instead of trying to speed her up to my pace. Anyway, I got off track a bit from your concern. I'm just glad you use this chat site as bottling things up isn't good. I hope that you can find a local group in your community or one near by. I live in a town of about 12,000 people and their is a small support group but I cannot attend in person due to the 24 hour care I give my wife. God is my biggest support. Although my wife has two sisters and we have 4 adult children who can help if I need a bit of a break. God bless you. 🙏

Hello- I have a delicate question for the gentlemen. I need to help Dave start selecting some form of incontinent underpants. He needs them for protection for both urine and feces, but very minimally. I'd love to get a hold of some samples but I'm not sure if samples are given out with the understanding of securing my business. Will someone help me out here?

My older sister's husband, age 73, suffers from dementia, having inherited the problem from his parents. My brother-in-law's dementia is quite bad, and I understand your dilemma, as my sister is really having a problem getting her depression and stress under control as a result of her husband's problem. He is a wonderful guy, but I know that after I talk to him on the phone, the minute we hang up, all will be forgotten. I suspect that my sister will place him in a memory care center this year because his problem is rapidly progressing. They have long term care insurance, but will be required to pay for the first 3 months of care, about $20000, which she has set aside. A recent MRI showed that his frontal lobe is essentially gone.
I do know that there is an Alzheimer's society which offers support groups, and would encourage you to look into whether there is one in your area.
I currently take care of my 84 year old neighbor/friend who has dementia, and sometimes it is very disheartening. However, as long as she is happy, that is all that matters to me. Yes, it is sad at times, especially when I want to talk to her about something, knowing well that she will not remember a word of our conversation. I have been able to get her involved in playing her keyboard again, as music has always been her passion.
I think a support group would be of help, understanding that support groups of any kind can be imperfect.

While I am not a gentleman, I have helped my dad with this situation. He only likes Depends brand (it doesn't matter which kind as long as it is Depends.) I bought a small pack at a store and we finally found out that he likes a tighter feel (they leak less) so he wears the size SmallMedium. Once we settled on a brand and size, I started ordering them on bulk from Sam's club. They are delivered to his door and it has worked out very well. Hope this helps a little! (You can also order on Amazon and they send them regularly if you hit the subscribe button. That was nice, too. We just use Sam's because it is easier to get larger quantities and the price is a bit less.)

lol, funny. Thank you for answering my plea for help. Dave used to be large but I guess that I'll have to buy a couple of sizes to have him try them. Thanks, again!

Thank you for your support. I have been a Mentor for Connect for 4 years in the Lung Cancer Group. I'm used to venting, lol.

It sounds like your relationship with God has helped you through many times. Although mine is different this journey is hard!

We have about 10 days before our first appointment and they'll hopefully give me info on groups there.

Thank you again

My husband used Depends for a while and was content with them but he was/is very resistant to changing. They didn’t hold up for long. We switched to Seni pull-ups which are very absorbent and traps the moisture away from his body. Even when he sat in urine all day, he never has had any sign of a rash or sores. I order them from Amazon. We did try the style with tabs but they always seemed to come loose. I clip the seams with scissors before using to help with tearing to remove. If your husband doesn’t mind changing, that may not be needed.

Hi- Oh, thank you for telling me about what you have done. So far I have pull-up ordered, Depends are way back-ordered. I also ordered through Amazon day shield. I needed to start somewhere and Amazon is out of free samples.

I will keep your suggestions in mined. Thank you so much again.

Merry

Hi @merpreb, My husband has Alzheimer's. He is still continent, but has the occasional accident, mainly bladder. He likes the TENA brand Proskin Protective Underwear which is gray in color (so looks more like regular underwear). It is rated for moderate absorption, three marks shy of full absorption. I ordered them from Amazon. We also have a cleansing toilet seat cover (Kohler, manually operated) which he's gotten the hang of and helps with hygiene. Before these, I was using the Prevail brand, which they used in the care home when he was in rehab, but he prefers these. I think they fit more snugly.

So it's a bidet? Wow, I hadn't thought about this option. Thank you. I'll talk to him about it. He doesn't always tell me when he leaks. I have some shields but it has been hit or miss and so far he hasn't tried them.

Has anyone else tried a bidet or cleansing cover?