Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

@billchitwood

Julie,
I am so touched as you are approaching your dear husband's passing with such grace. I so appreciate you sharing your journey with Connect and now, how you are adjusting to his final journey. Yes, he would be pleased, I'm sure, as you donate his earthly possessions to others in need.

As you know, grief is a journey. Will you continue to post and let me know how you are doing?

Hello Julie,
I would also like to keep in touch with you. I have enjoyed finding out about your family and Bill’s Dementia and how you have all been affected by caretaking.
Prayers for peace for you and your family.

I'll keep in touch. Everyone helped me so much that I'm hoping I might help someone else.
The Charity that we donated everything to (including all the medical supplies) takes them down to Rocky Point (Arizona's Beach). I didn't realize that before. We had lived there for three years and my Dad had a place down there for years and Bill loved visiting. He also played Santa for a lot of the poorer children - so I'm sure he is looking down and especially pleased about being able to help one more time.
My Dad taught Bill how to play Bridge down in Rocky Point and they were always partners. If Bill goofed up Dad would say, "Billy Ray, I taught you better than that!" The other thing was Bill loved sleeping in but my Dad was an early bird and always wanted to start playing Bridge, fishing or out on the ATVs. So he would play "Seventy Six Trombones" at the highest volume to wake Bill up. They joked that if Dad got to heaven first he would greet Bill with "Seventy Six Trombones". I tried listening for it but I'm hearing impaired so missed it.

@billchitwood What a warm and wonderful message! Thanks for sharing and yes, I agree you'll have great insights to help others going forward.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Oh yes, please keep writing. I am sure that many things will be so incredibly helpful to us as we go through these day, weeks, months. You have handled this with such dignity that I picture you as the strong person. I truly hope to be. Thanks for sharing the hard, funny, challenging, and heart breaking times with so many - people who are walking a similar unwanted journey and trying to do it with grace and humility. Hugs from far away...

What a delightful story of your Dad and Bill. Sounds as though they were really close and had a great sense of humor! And playing that loud song to wake Bill was hysterical!
What a precious memory you have of both of them!

My wife has an appointment with a Neurologist. We have no idea what is wrong, but she has no cognitive skills left anymore. She cannot use the computer, nor the TV control and can barely use the phone. I am 77 and dress and undress her every day and it is more than I can do. I am older than she (70) and I am responsible for all of her care. Where do I get help for someone to come in and at least help her shower? I am exhausted all of the time. Please help me find some help, please.

Hi @kimpalmer1 I’m Scott and I’m glad you found Connect.

I was my wife’s sole caregiver during her 14+ year journey. I know how exhausting the demands of caregiving are. We caregivers can only do so much!

Finding good quality, available, qualified, yet affordable, aides was a challenge all its own for us. Where and how to find them varies by state and often times even location within your state. There are Area Agencies for Aging, which might have some recommendations. Local hospice organizations here were a good resource for me here, but we are pretty rural. A lot of trial and error was our usual path, but we did finally find a couple good folks. I imagine the current labor market might make it more of a challenge, unfortunately.

What area you located in? Perhaps someone here on Connect has dealt with this in your greater area.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

I’m so sorry you both are on this journey none of us want to take. Her Dr may be able to order Home Health care for her. It may just be for a limited time, but should give you time to seek other help. Like Scott, our local Area Agency on Aging has been a wonderful resource for us. There may also be a local support group of and for people on this journey. Since Covid, we meet via Zoom. Ours has been so encouraging to me and has a wealth of personal experience to share. Some are newcomers to their situation and others are much farther down the road. We learn from each other. One thing is certain…we can only do one day at a time. God’s Grace really is sufficient. He will see us through.

Hello Kim
Thank you for posting this plea for help. Reaching out to others is a major part of embracing the situation effectively. I have a wife with MCI (mild cognitive impairment), your wife may have that, but sounds much more advanced, perhaps even into Alzheimer’s, etc.
Mayo clinic has something called the ‘habi’t program. If you go onto their website and search, you may find that. they make workshop type deliveries in Phoenix, Florida and Minnesota. They also have the ability to connect with their professional people.
Stages of life are not always happy. There is a season and a purpose for all things. Keep your eyes upward focused
Kindly
Randy
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