Visitor etiquette for NETs patient

Hello @caitrina,

I certainly agree that you need to be safe in your own home. Since your partner doesn't seem to know how to address this problem with his son, perhaps you could write out some statements for your partner that he could read to his son the next time he comes to visit. Also, putting a supply of masks by the door with a note saying, "Because of my health issues, all visitors must wear a mask."

You might also suggest that your partner meet your son at a coffee house or restaurant.

I'm wondering, does the son have a key to your house? If so, you might ask for that key back until he can respect your needs.

If you were to list some statements for your partner to read to his son, what might they be?

I would list the importance of wearing a mask in the home while visiting and the fact I shouldn’t have to be the one wearing the mask, which I’ve been doing. To not touch any food items that aren’t offered and non food items. He snoops and touches everything around. To stop interrogating me and trying to always find a rhyme or reason to everything that’s said , just to prove someone wrong, even if it is medical related and in black and white Restrict visiting time and how long in the house.

I wouldn’t say them like this, but would really have to come up with certain ways to say them because he has an argument for everything.

I recommend posting a “please mask” note at your home entrances. Not just for an offender but for all. Try not to single anyone out. You may want to have hand sanitizer available as well. I would make sure to put sanitizer wipes around the home in the high touch areas.. bathroom and kitchen. Try to lead by example. I’m a bit of a germaphobe but that’s how I’d handle it.

Maybe make a new rule that visitors must visit outside only or meet elsewhere because it is too risky to have them in your home. I had to do this with some family and even though they were hurt by this, I explained that I love them but if they love me too they would do what it took to keep me safe and it bothers me to not have them around like normal, how hard it is for me to do it. They got over it eventually and now it is normal.

It sounds as if he has an issue with everyone..... Do the mask mandatory to enter home, shoes off, right to the sink to wash and sanitize hands. My husband now has cancer and I make people do that. It sounds as though he pushes your buttons, so I would push back. EVERYTHING he touches, as soon as he puts it down, pick it up and use a sanitizing wipe on it. Make sure your partner is on board with you. I would question what he says and try to find fault or prove him wrong. It will work if you have the strength to do it. I did this with a family member. He talks down to everyone. An addict who has been enabled his whole life. He was saying something about a big job his "business" was doing, but spoke down to us because we don't understand business. He has Quickbooks, this makes him a big bad business owner... he finally said well if you want the truth, I'm making $24,000 on the job, I was supposed to be blown away and very impressed. I laughed and said that's f-ing chump change and just kept going, cut him off when he spoke, put him down and spoke over him, used words he does not understand. He asked me what we got for our house, none of his business, but he said what did you "net"? That means after everything is paid. So I said, well this is what we paid for the house, 5% mtg. amortize it over ten years and do the subtraction, now times that # by 4 and that's what we "netted" He no longer comes by......sorry so long winded!

Hmmmm, are we talking about the very same person? Lol . Yes, they enabled him, and still do. I understand some of it as he had issues when he came back from Iraq, but I also understand some people saw all of his ways forming well ahead of that. My partner owns a trucking company and he has been sticking his nose into that also, he feels he’s entitled to everything and anything. I did put my foot down the other day when he announced he was coming to spend several hours on the layout because according to him he’s more creative than I am. We have a n-scale train layout that weaves its way through the basement. It’s only been a full day that he has not shown up so we will see.

I don’t single anyone or him out. We don’t have visitors, he is the only one. We live in a very small town people don’t visit the house, just him, so that is why it sounds like I’m singling him out. Thank you for your suggestions. 🙂

WOW! It is the same person..... the good news is, they can't torture us both at the same time can they??? Haha.......Yes, the sense of entitlement! But I made EVERYONE take off shoes wash hands, mask up. It's your home! We just don't want him coming over because he also steals. So all meds are hidden! But of course he always "has to go to the bathroom and could he use our bathroom, it's more private" I should say yes, but if you are looking for drugs, you will have to poop in the closet.......I would follow him around, do what you have to do! Make him wear gloves or follow him with sanitizing wipes. I would make him feel uncomfortable?? Your health is first! Catching a cold can be hazardous, so get your partner on the same page and stop it. If your partner works with you, it won't seem like you are ganging up on him. And you can always start to feel sick when he is on his way over and ask your partner to make it a quick visit. If you keep putti g your foot down, it get's uncomfortable to be at your house........You come first, you are in the boxing ring with Tyson, but the stakes are bigger, it's your health. Everyone should understand and pitch in! Stay in touch? XOXO Joni