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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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following this post;https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-opiod-addiction-part-1/?pg=4#parent-comment-457230-111240638d9f896acc459aa9421d94f0
to what discussion did you move the post??
@starfirey2k You wrote this post under the discussion. If you look above it says, "My Opioid Addiction."
I have never done any of the drugs you mention. My pain specialist has me taking Gabapentin and Lyrica. As the neuropathy has progressed, we have upped the doses until I'm at the maximum of both. Still, the condition has progessed of course; I am in agony every morning. I have never wanted to take drugs, but the alternative is offing myself and I have a couple of projects I want to finish first. So, I read your testimony with interest. Thank you ... I'm gathering input from many sources and thinking it over. Peggy
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4 ReactionsAt age 36 with 5 children under 10, my eleven years of chronic pain met freedom. An unseen higher power awakened me, "You are in pain with a bag of meds. What will you feel like without the meds?" I declined my doctor's offer to implant a pain pump. I requested to be taken off all of my medication.
The journey was necessary. The result was beautiful. What if everyone knew that a clear mind is the beginning of life?
BTW I am not and never will be pain free or drug free. Twenty-two years later and many surgeries later, I am able. I continue to evaluate how medications affect my body and mind. Thank goodness the Spirit of God remains unchanged.
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4 ReactionsI am glad to hear you could do this. I am at 15mg Percocet with 10 pain. It is ve4y difficult to go down,but I hope I can get to no opioids your story is encouraging!
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1 ReactionThat's exactly the reason I was able to quit smoking after 45 years. Cold turkey. I was in hospital for weekend for cat bite and just never lit up again when I got home. Everyday I'd say "no, don't want one right now" and soon it was a week then a month and now it's been since March 19th. The urge isn't there. I don't even think about them most days. Still have a pack with 8 in it on my microwave. I said, you know how sometimes you'll say "God, I need to quit so and so"? Well.....if you say it enough and mean it, he'll know it and help you. I do still take my pain meds though. My right thigh was numb this morning when I woke up on my back. I take hydrocodone 10/325 but have gone from every 6 hours to 7 hours. I'm decreasing my xanax to get off that because I had terrible withdrawals when a new doctor didn't prescribed it. I had been on 1mg daily since I had a brain aneurysm in 2011 plus I have heart palpitations and anxiety and the xanax is to keep calm because when I get excited my adrenaline pump is in overdrive, runs in family, and doesn't cut off when that fight or flight feeling has stopped. I was in the hospital 2 times in 24 hours. I'm filing a complaint against her. I refuse to have surgery. Back and neck were reason I had to go on disability 2 years ago. If I stand in one position too long, my thighs get numb. I'm a hairstylist so that wasn't working. Was in hospital for 2 days treated for thigh pain in both legs also. They gave me dilaudid(sp) and I couldn't tell difference except it took pain away. I've been on the pain meds for 20 years and yes, they still work at 1 every 7 hours. Very seldom I need them more frequently and I ALWAYS have to push my next appt out for 2 weeks or more because I have too many left. I don't drink. I used to. Didn't try to stop that either. I just lost interest. I will have a drink if I go to my daughter's but I don't buy it, haven't for 10 years now. I'm glad you were able to do what works for you. I honestly don't think I could I get out of bed without my pain meds. Like you said, and I have told the doctor this, I still have pain WITH the meds but I imagine the pain would be worse without them.
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5 Reactionsmy spouse has been on pain meds for close to 20 yrs. He started with morphene for a couple years. Then they prescribed fentnal and hydrocodone. Well with this new ban on meds the fentnal had to be decreased with morphine to get him off meds. Now he hardly ever uses even his hydro. He feels better but not happy siting around cause his back hurts and makes him tired. No quality. He currently is seeing a well established pain dr. He is going to try one injection. Had these in the past and did nothing. I am sure these meds are better now. He tells us that if it works he could use a new stimulater (like the old tens units). And he has been sober for 47 yrs, Very proud of him. This whole process takes work and persistance. We wish you well
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1 ReactionThank you for sharing your story about your opioid addiction and subsequent detox. It takes courage to admit to a struggle like this, and your experience may help others who are going through something similar.
It's unfortunate that the medical community used to promote the idea that people who used opioids for pain could not become addicted. It's now clear that anyone who uses opioids, whether for pain or not, can become addicted. It's important for doctors to prescribe opioids judiciously and for patients to be aware of the risks and monitor their use.
It's impressive that you were able to detox on your own, even though it was a difficult and painful process. Withdrawal symptoms from opioids can be intense and long-lasting, but it's possible to get through them with the right support and determination.
It's also important to remember that addiction is a chronic disease and that recovery is a lifelong process. Staying vigilant and seeking support when needed can help prevent relapse.
Thank you again for sharing your story, and I wish you continued success in your recovery.
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2 ReactionsThanks for your answer. I just wanted to add that is am seeing improvement with 2 times a week physical therapy. Luna comes to my home and my ppo insurance covers it.