Need counsel to support MCI affected wife with anger management issues

So sorry to learn of your challenges. Dementia can often come with behavioral challenges so for your sake and hers, it is terrific that she is being tested. There are new pharmaceuticals that can slow the disease progression and help with behavioral challenges as well. Early diagnosis is key to their effectiveness. Both Mayo and Banner Alzheimer’s Institute in Phoenix have terrific diagnosis and support systems. My husband recently tested positive for Lewy Body dementia and is in the early stages. Even in the early stage, he is experiencing behavioral changes and is more quick to anger.
May you find peace and support from family and friends. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and support. Your wife may not feel completely safe at the moment. You can help her by telling her that you love her, are with her in her journey, and will always do your best to keep her safe.

Bill has MCI or they sometimes say mild dementia. His anger issues go so bad (he always was prone to anger) that the doctor put him on Seroquel. It took about a month to fully kick in but when it finally did life became so much better. He still will sometimes have an outburst but they aren't as bad and don't last as long.
Last Friday he qualified for hospice at home. He is becoming more confused now, which is normal.
Wishing you both, and the family, the best.

Thanks for the comments provided by other folks in a caregiver role. Those are heartening. The image added highlights a fun side of life still enduring, some days. Halloween costume party, was a great time. GG Showed up.
GG = Nickname and the fun persona
Gisela = given name and near normal
GERTRUD = middle name Hypersensitive, defensive, and the angry one 😡 to steer clear of 👋 for a time anyhow

Hi @randywhite Cognition problems with diseases of the brain can be crazy challenging for patients and their caregivers, at least they were for my wife and me.

The one thing I finally had to embrace that helped me was to realize once the brain is 'broken' logic often goes out the window. In my wife's case, her disease never followed the logic of what her medical professionals forecasted it would. Plus there were many, many periods of denial, which I believe came from the fact she was living a day-to-day life with a fatal disease influencing her daily life and hanging over her head. I think some of her periods of denial were her only available coping mechanism. As far as I've seen, as long as the caregiver isn't wasting precious time or available resources by being in denial about what their patient/loved one is facing, those periods can be ok. Unfortunately, when I have seen denial in caregivers I often mourn for the time they waste with their loved one that could have been spent achieving goals, planning, or embracing what they had that particular day, which may be changed or gone tomorrow.

I hope you continue to enjoy the good times!
Strength, Courage, & Peace

This council is very helpful for me. Your experience and shared insights touch me and the challenge I’m sparing with. Particularity: “… her periods of denial were her only available coping mechanism”. Coping. I’ve never seen denial and escape as productive, but as elements to cope, I suppose that is so.
What is counter intuitive for me is to just let go, and be passive. I am a ‘see problem, fix problem’ mindset. Even when the problem is so massive, beyond merely me, I seek Him, to address it. And at times, He replies immediately and at times I’m allowed to wait in faith.
Sparing is most associated with marital arts, and an element of that domain, is to use the adversary’s energy and channel it against them. Sort of ‘let it flow, turn it, and re-aim’ approach. I’m thinking about that now.
Thanks Kindly
Randy

Randy:
Perhaps “letting go” of trying to fix an incurable disease is the best form of coping for you as well.
Wishing you His peace as you face the journey ahead.

I like your comment of “letting go” - I call it “acceptance” of what is, whether you like it or not. I used to think I had to like whatever I was trying to accept. That word “like” held me back from doing so. Someone told me that’s not the way it works - that not liking or liking what I am trying to accept is irrelevant. Then I could accept the fact and “let go.”

OK, y’all got me thinking -so thanks.
What comes to mind is that saying:
Change what you can
Accept what you can not change and
Know the difference
So I know I can not change the eventuality of amplified MCI, leading eventually to Ahlsheimers/Dementia etc. However, I can be relentless in pursuit of management of the PACE of decline via the tenants of the HABIT program. We are on the wait list for January in Phoenix.
All that said we should not use the item in the attached picture…
Randy

Yes, the 3 C’s -

We didn’t Cause this disease
We can’t Control this disease
And - we can’t Cure this disease

@randywhite My mother had the same combination of Alzheimers and dementia. My father took care of her for over 10 years, and documented her decline. He was an avid journaler. He learned what he could, and kept abreast of how best to make her remaining time as productive and easy on both of them. She did not have the anger issues you have expressed. Rather, she went mute. Either way, it is a difficult journey for the spouse/partner/caregiver/family, and we are here to support you however we can.
Ginger