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I am hanging In: The Grieving Person's Bill of Rights
Doing okay trying to get the yard and 5 the north half of the 5.3a mowed down and controlled - looking good
Was sent this by Premiere Hospice never have seen it before - thought some may benefit from it its called "Mourners Bill of Rights" or The Grieving Person's Bill of Rights
• You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.
• You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief.
• You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
• You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready todo.
• You have the right to experience "grief attacks." Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk itout.
• You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More important, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you that rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.
• You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings and abandonment.
• You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she have to die?", "Why this way?", "Why now?". Some of your questions may have answers, some may not. Comments such as "It was God's will" or "He is better off", are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
• You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember, so instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
• You have the right to move forward in your grief and heal. It will not happen quickly. Grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself.
The death of a loved one changes your life forever.
- Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, Ft. Collins, CO
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Since I'm an author, I wrote my own grieving person's list of rights. I wrote it for the forthcoming chapter meeting of The Compassionate Friends. I'm giving a talk about Grief Brain at the next meeting. I had Grief Brain for six months or so. Thankfully, I could tell when my foggy brain started to clear. My sense of humor returned and I was even able to laugh at myself. Many bereaved people have never heard of Grief Brain so I'm spreading the word about it.
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3 ReactionsThanks for the "like"Ginger.
Can not believe its near the middle of Sept.
Still cleaning up the 5.3a ; price of scrape bottom out so its been rough; bob
cat has been very temperamental been down again and hoping it will stay working - not sure if will work way we want it to as had to go to fixed variable speed parts to expense and non-existent
Got his creation paid for in July and after a moving sale fund raiser and on large donation from the person who farm the farm land to my surprise. Also had a moving sale and it provide towards it too. That off my back - went around to the cemetery and his remains had finally been to in cremation house with his mom and dad and the year of death inscribe for him. Of course the sister/daughters did not help pay for their parents funeral or the cremation house, cemetery lots - I had to do that out of the farm rental money which was meant for our food, property taxes and trips to Indianapolis. The youngest even asked if I was paying for the brother who she had committed to Four County in 2005 - I said no as he had not been around and contributed to anything here - she was the one who had him sent away but he does have a space in the crematory house per his dad's wishes it would of been a blank space anyway. so that much is done
Have no seen hide nor hair or heard from his sisters - they did not help at all with his cremation expenses - not a word about the funeral home asking for donations to help or my personal fund raiser - I was ready to tell them where to stick it if they did.
Been working on landscaping at culver house - also got some flower, planted grass not sure if will have any - as weeds flourished and I had to pull the matting only on north front - because a new neighbor made the remark are you going to do any landscaping at time i was pulling weeds and rolling stones into place on property line and outlining flower beds -
Everything is moved up their that want to keep - left is metal shelving for basement in use here and the things i have up for sale on eBay but working on re-organizing them so can do a quick haul when time for that.
Worked on compacting everything out to the back part of the furnace/laundry room where the washer/dryer/frig/hot water heater is - front is for working on cleaning copper out of motors etc. some things went into bathroom - going to close off over half of the trailer and start working on tearing it apart - too far gone to leave and let someone else make a slum-rental out of it it was a half assed redone trailer when they got it back in 1994 not much got do ne after the wife/mother had her stroke went into nursing home - in Nov/Dec 2004; father open heart in 2009 and then his not making red blood cells in Nov. 2016 and then son with lung cancer... plus if I can scrape it out and make a little off of it and improve the property more... Will leave the furnace/laundry room area maybe not all of it only the back portion with the water works and electric box.
Have had a lot of sleepless nights still; feeling i made wrong decisions and feeling like a failure at times... saying is if it were not for bad luck i would have no luck at all
Wondering if I will make it but i will give it my all and probably die doing it - my firend who helping cleanup the 5.3a gets mad at me because i lift push heavy things and work till i can not walk any more but i can not let him do everything = even tho I will be 71 next month....
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2 ReactionsYou have a friend. Life is hard. No picnic that's for sure. It sounds like you are on a farm. That is a good thing.
Just finished reading all of this. Left me with a lot of emotions; some I can't figure out yet. In 13 days I will be 88 and I am focusing on trying to stay independent. Except for house cleaning, I can do everything myself - including driving. My husband and I were married for 59 years. I have no words to explain how I miss him so much. Because shortly after his death I had to have a complete hip replacement. Finally coming to the end of physical therapy. Then I have to find a way to do my exercises. Hopefully knowing that these exercises will keep me independent will help. Have not had the funeral yet because of my hip surgery. That is coming up October 31st. He was a Korean veteran and wanted to be buried in a military cemetery and he will. I thought he would get a kick of having his remains interred on Hallowe'en. At that point a door in my life will be closed. What then? At my age, is it worthwhile to open another door and see what is behind it? Or should I just wait quietly for my own death? Have to do some heavy thinking about this. I so enjoyed the Bill of Rights because it is so on point and true. The last thing I did for him was having him brought home to me so he could die in his own home and in his own bed with me. That memory will never leave me. My one and only love.
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1 ReactionAll the farm ground is gone - the first 40A went in 2018/2019 and gave me a new GMC Elevation 4-wheel drive for the trips to Indy and hauling my own stuff without hiring anyone & rest went for taxes and remaining saved back for restoring house which ended up demolishing and rebuild - the 69.5a was the last first was the divide off of 5a promised the youngest daughter & husband as they were allowed to put a modular house back in the woods on it - approximately 33.5 farm land rest woods - took loaon out on it in April 2020 to start house and then it sold in May 2021. This 5.3a is a cut-off that the State of Indiana confiscated/bought to re-route St Rd. 7 of 80a in late 1959 early 1960-2 SInce it was the very back of the property it must of been an area to put unwanted things back before then - also firend did some junk collecting on his own - I was left with the clean up after his decease sometime i think I should of ran - a pole barn garage was added in 1995; the pole barn house burnt in Dec. 1993 and was replaced by a half-assed renovated house trailer will leave it at that - has out seen its better days.
My husband died in Aug 23 1990, a Thursday buried him on on the 27th - the 2 kids were just starting a new school year the boy a senior and girl a sophmore the girl graduated in May 1993 and promptly moved out to a house on a farm near her future in laws - the boy went off to Ball State AUg 1993 only coming home to do laundry, run all the time with friends and leaves every light on in the house but i was expected to sit at home 24/7 except hours working to be there for him but he was never home - only saw the daughter when she came to announce her brother was coming home for the weekend.
I was at friends house when it burnt and I brought them in to live with me - and then they insisted I come with them - kept the house rented it out for while after being badgered they up moved out without notice left it fdirty rented on contract to sell but they refused to sign contract & repairs needed saying their lawyer told them not too could not get them out but they paid the low rent and that couple again moved out without notice
Prayers for speedy recovery - Hope you live many more years - yes open another door just for you do what you want - and cherish the memories of your husband.
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2 ReactionsHello @reibur1951
I just read your latest post and feel concerned for you. You said, "i lift push heavy things and work till i can not walk any more." It sounds as if you need to consider some alternatives to clearing the land and still taking care of yourself.
Have you thought of any alternatives?
Doing okay - almost at the end - a lot has to do with the landscaping at house and weeds taking containers to house there is no one else but me; oh a few friends say they will help but then cop out when it involves manual labor 🙁 There is no money to hire it done - Tho sitting on 2' steel but it dropped from $240-350 a ton down to 160 Tin shred has dropped from $120-160 to $80 a ton and they changed there dumpster fees from $15 a ton up to $250 for a dumpster - so I been hauling it in myself
Been keeping the 5.3a that we have cleared mowed and even tho riding mower it bothers me to
Bobcat has been down Sep-about Dec last year then a couple times this year just got it back up running and hoping it stays running for what little we have left to do - so have not doing much except up at new house and I got to stay on top of the weeds since it is in town - so far they have not complained and they have been total out of control - but hopefully finally getting a control on some - have restored to weed killer to which means no planting of grass seed till next year if its wears off
Standing, twisting bothers me the most at time if doing to long and I do quit when I get to that point and rest for a day maybe 2.
I got to try keep going as I can not lose what I got everything I had except the 5.3a is invested in the house and the truck.
For being 71 next month I and doing great I guess - I have inspiration in a Culverite who is out walking her dog uptown - 1-2 miles everyday, out mowing her yard and doing her own yard work and garden.
Figured everything would be about completely done b y now - not much left but still some - there is about a 200 - 300 precent difference than when started.
Friend his still here helping me he does most everything out here. I just figured up via excel that since 2019 that 209 ton of scrap has went off the property - its paid for the clean up and some of repairs to bobcat . I thought I would have more left over from the sale of the 64.5 acres but did not - after taxes and new motor for bobcat and some things for the house.
Nothing has went right since late last Sept and feel discouraged. Just thought things would be better by now. Guess feeling sorry for myself, It will either work out or I will fail what ever happens is God's will and I have done my best tho at times i feel I have not.
I am still hanging in . Still not in house full time but getting there. Some cleanup out here to do.
Scrape prices bottom out last year not good yet not sure if will be. Been taking in as need the extra $$. Had it all piled up and no way to protect it from being carried off if no one out here.
Hit a deer sitting / standing in my lane first week of November 2022. It was high winds etc. Could of been confused and with deer hunting. There was no safeway to dodge it oncoming traffic, high winds and a ditch did not feel like risk rolling truck
Got my Culver prints and water colors hung. 2 weeks ago during warm spree got the river rock and rock dug out from in front of wall the contractors. Filled up and over wall of it's got to have another course or two of rocks laid up when cand afford the quick-crete. To do it. Started weed control in format yard.
Had internet problems out here kept popping on and off and while up loading my website of 30,000+ files brightspeed/ CenturyLink destroyed it all so been trying to get get back up fully operational since October 2022.
Friend still helping me after being here since Jan 2022 he went back to daughters for 2 weeks first of February 2023. And surprised me by coming back early was to go get him next week
Week before Christmas and after was the coldest. But survived it 1-2 days spent at house.
There was no Christmas or Christmas spirit or presents but that's the way it's been since 2018.
I am alive not been sick so gratefully for that