I am hanging In: The Grieving Person's Bill of Rights

Posted by reibur1951 @reibur1951, May 17 5:56pm

Doing okay trying to get the yard and 5 the north half of the 5.3a mowed down and controlled – looking good

Was sent this by Premiere Hospice never have seen it before – thought some may benefit from it its called "Mourners Bill of Rights" or The Grieving Person's Bill of Rights
• You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don't allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.
• You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief.
• You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
• You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready todo.
• You have the right to experience "grief attacks." Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk itout.
• You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More important, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you that rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.
• You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings and abandonment.
• You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she have to die?", "Why this way?", "Why now?". Some of your questions may have answers, some may not. Comments such as "It was God's will" or "He is better off", are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
• You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember, so instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
• You have the right to move forward in your grief and heal. It will not happen quickly. Grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself.
The death of a loved one changes your life forever.

– Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, Ft. Collins, CO

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Loss & Grief group.

That is touching. Thank y ou.

REPLY

@reibur1951

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. You were with him through a long process and you are to be commended for all of your efforts.

The Mourner Bill of Rights is so good! Each sentence has value for the griever.

How are you doing? Are there aspects of grief that you find difficult?

REPLY

I am at peace that he no longer has to suffer. Knew it was inevitable by research and reading I had done but still had hoped there was some small miracle that was out there.

I feel that he was not fully truthful with the doctor or me on example is his smoking – I washed all his winter coats jackets and never thinking to go through pockets – there was tons of cigarette butts that tumbled out of the dryer and in the lint trap.

Sad that the sisters and ex-brother-in-law seems to careless that he passed away – the youngest sister and brother-in-law asked if was going to be a family only viewing – there was not – they did not care to see him alive the last year – the sister only 2-6 times – most when she wanted something from me to take her places or whine about her ex-husband during their divorce last year. The funeral director said he was really bad looking and was already stinking good – so it was best to go incorrectly to crematory.

I am glad he was able to walk out of trailer on his own here day he went to doctor and was admitted to University Hospital in Indianapolis and as long as he was getting IV fluids he was up and walking to bathroom with help – after being transfered to Alpha home I think he was totally bedridden – he did not know that I was there when I went down on the 23rd day before he died to sign papers for hospice – he looked like the end was near and the hospice nurse doubted he would live till Tuesday (26th) I took some pics and sent them all via phone to the youngest sister – he actually did look like a corpse in my opinion – she would of probably took pictures at the viewing like she did of her dad and I imagine she did same with her mother – with her mother I stayed upstairs in the funeral home as I had sat with her from the 18th of Dec to the day she died on 26th of Dec. and none of them stayed very long with her while she lay dying at the nursing home.

Just trying to pick up the pieces – awaiting the funeral director to tell me if any help has come in from friends for cremation expenses need to get with him for death certify to close his bank account out a whole whopping $0.01 and know what I need to come up with to square up with him – then I can deal with gathering up property tax money for the Culver house.

Been working out her gathering up metal stacking it in one place so can have a dumpster full; been mowing and going up to Culver house pulling weeds by hand and gathering up rock and defining flower beds Just keeping my mind occupied so not to many negative thoughts if I am going to make it. Ways to go on clean up out here and thankful friend from Indy has stuck by me and helping.

REPLY
@reibur1951

I am at peace that he no longer has to suffer. Knew it was inevitable by research and reading I had done but still had hoped there was some small miracle that was out there.

I feel that he was not fully truthful with the doctor or me on example is his smoking – I washed all his winter coats jackets and never thinking to go through pockets – there was tons of cigarette butts that tumbled out of the dryer and in the lint trap.

Sad that the sisters and ex-brother-in-law seems to careless that he passed away – the youngest sister and brother-in-law asked if was going to be a family only viewing – there was not – they did not care to see him alive the last year – the sister only 2-6 times – most when she wanted something from me to take her places or whine about her ex-husband during their divorce last year. The funeral director said he was really bad looking and was already stinking good – so it was best to go incorrectly to crematory.

I am glad he was able to walk out of trailer on his own here day he went to doctor and was admitted to University Hospital in Indianapolis and as long as he was getting IV fluids he was up and walking to bathroom with help – after being transfered to Alpha home I think he was totally bedridden – he did not know that I was there when I went down on the 23rd day before he died to sign papers for hospice – he looked like the end was near and the hospice nurse doubted he would live till Tuesday (26th) I took some pics and sent them all via phone to the youngest sister – he actually did look like a corpse in my opinion – she would of probably took pictures at the viewing like she did of her dad and I imagine she did same with her mother – with her mother I stayed upstairs in the funeral home as I had sat with her from the 18th of Dec to the day she died on 26th of Dec. and none of them stayed very long with her while she lay dying at the nursing home.

Just trying to pick up the pieces – awaiting the funeral director to tell me if any help has come in from friends for cremation expenses need to get with him for death certify to close his bank account out a whole whopping $0.01 and know what I need to come up with to square up with him – then I can deal with gathering up property tax money for the Culver house.

Been working out her gathering up metal stacking it in one place so can have a dumpster full; been mowing and going up to Culver house pulling weeds by hand and gathering up rock and defining flower beds Just keeping my mind occupied so not to many negative thoughts if I am going to make it. Ways to go on clean up out here and thankful friend from Indy has stuck by me and helping.

Jump to this post

I am grateful for the way you could support him at the end. I'm glad that your friend from Indy has been there to support you in what still needs to be done on the properties.

You have certainly been a remarkable friend. When the busyness ends take time for some grieving. Allow yourself to talk, or write, about what you've been through. Feelings are best acknowledged as you know.

Will you continue to post as you work through the grief? Connect is here for you.

REPLY

Thank You – I will – got to go find flowers for the parents and grandparents graves tomorrow, forgot this is Memorial weekend – none of the family has done it in the past years.

We are only here on earth for as long as God wants us to be and he has a purpose for us here and when that purpose has ended he takes us away to a better place.

REPLY
@reibur1951

Thank You – I will – got to go find flowers for the parents and grandparents graves tomorrow, forgot this is Memorial weekend – none of the family has done it in the past years.

We are only here on earth for as long as God wants us to be and he has a purpose for us here and when that purpose has ended he takes us away to a better place.

Jump to this post

Remember to take time for yourself as well, @reibur1951

REPLY

It was good to read this. I had the lowest moment of my grief at 2;15 a.M. I was ready to end it all. Fortunately I had written down the telephone number of the suicide line that was provided by this group. Someone listened to me pour it all out. No stupid questions were asked or advice given. She just listened. This was so cathartic for me. I felt so much better afterwards I know now that this will not happen again come what may.

REPLY
@thisismarilynb

It was good to read this. I had the lowest moment of my grief at 2;15 a.M. I was ready to end it all. Fortunately I had written down the telephone number of the suicide line that was provided by this group. Someone listened to me pour it all out. No stupid questions were asked or advice given. She just listened. This was so cathartic for me. I felt so much better afterwards I know now that this will not happen again come what may.

Jump to this post

Going to church is calming also.

REPLY
@thisismarilynb

It was good to read this. I had the lowest moment of my grief at 2;15 a.M. I was ready to end it all. Fortunately I had written down the telephone number of the suicide line that was provided by this group. Someone listened to me pour it all out. No stupid questions were asked or advice given. She just listened. This was so cathartic for me. I felt so much better afterwards I know now that this will not happen again come what may.

Jump to this post

@thisismarilynb

Thanks for this great example of how a listening ear can help us get through the dark hours of grief! I applaud you for reaching out and seeking someone to listen to you.

Keep posting and keep talking. Connect is here to listen.

REPLY

We are all here for you.

REPLY

Since I'm an author, I wrote my own grieving person's list of rights. I wrote it for the forthcoming chapter meeting of The Compassionate Friends. I'm giving a talk about Grief Brain at the next meeting. I had Grief Brain for six months or so. Thankfully, I could tell when my foggy brain started to clear. My sense of humor returned and I was even able to laugh at myself. Many bereaved people have never heard of Grief Brain so I'm spreading the word about it.

REPLY

Thanks for the "like"Ginger.

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.
  Request Appointment