Family Relations: How do I accept and adjust to family moving away?

That is a very good idea - to talk to them about a plan for me if or when I need support from a family member. Strangely enough, as kind, helpful responses come in, my problem grows more manageable! Pointing out more options for me and others in my situation can really help. Maybe I'm not as dependent as I feared, and have greater ability to deal with the change than I thought. Thank you.

The good thing about discussing this and finding a solution together is that when you 'need that solution' you will still feel part of the team 😊

I can see how that would keep the connection, that bonds could remain strong though we are distant. A very wise suggestion. It's largely the feeling of being abandoned that's the hardest to accept.

@normawatkins- Hello. This certainly isn't a great situation for anyone. Is it possible for them to wait for a few more years? This, I feel, is irresponsible of your son. He should be taking care of you.

I can only imagine how this feels and it's absolutely horrible. My son lives across the country from me and that's hard enough.

Is it possible for them to compromise and wait? What is the hurry for your daughter-in-law after all this time? Missing someone and moving, abounding another doesn't sound very even handed. You need to talk to your son. Don't you think?

This is such an uplifting thread. It started out heart braking but then morphed into something very positive. It certainly is a tough situation but through the care and concern of strangers many good suggestions came through...good luck !

That was my first reaction, also, and I have asked him to consider this from every angle though I know his wife's wishes put pressure on him and I agree his wife must come first as the marriage vows promise. He is 70, the times are unsettled in so many ways, and he has mobility issues which concern me in the extreme winters there, but also I have doubts that their reasons for moving are sound and practical - so all my concerns are not just about me. It's tricky to press them without damaging our relationship so I feel the compromises will have to come from me. Strangely enough, with each helpful message here, including yours, I feel more able to deal with being alone- stronger and less dependent. I so appreciate the support I have received. Many thanks.

Letting go is never easy especially with children. However, we must remember that we were once in their place leaving our parents and cleaving to our spouse.

I have for years told friends and family members to raise your children but don’t get in the habit of living your life through and around your children. Children are going to leave and live their own lives.

You can only live one life and that is yours. It’s selfish to make them feel guilty because you want them around and they want to live life in their own married way.

Children will share their life with you but they don’t owe you their life meaning they want to create their own memories apart from you. She want to share time with her family regardless of the reason after 42 years of being away.

Get a hobby, travel, become part of book club with seniors. Join the YMCA. Reach out to your local church to see if any other seniors want to do outings or need a roommate.
Do something and live, love and laugh and celebrate the moments of your life past and present.

Your 'it's tricky to press them without damaging our relationship' really shows you love one another. Since he, and maybe she as well, are in their seventies this is a big change for them as well. It might not be wise, and then again it might be! The thing is they thought this through. Let the next step be continuing and even strengthening your bond in a good cooperation to continue to be happy together.
This is not letting go, this is just a different set-up with longer ties 😊 It will be different but the same, too.

Perhaps you and your son can agree on a number of visits a year that he is able to make. Asking for that kind of commitment from him would not be unreasonable given the situation you find yourself in. As well, normally air travel will allow us to fly almost anywhere within a 24 period, barring additional Covid disruptions so he shouldn’t have to take too much time out of his agenda. I spent 40 years living in Ontario and working primarily in English. My husband who is a francophone wanted us to move back to Quebec where everything happens in French. Fortunately we are both bilingual so language wasn’t an issue. Both his children, and the rest of his family live in Quebec. Whereas I have no family to speak of in eastern Canada. All that to say that nevertheless we both had good friends there and agree on a certain number of visits per year. We try to turn it into a mini vacation. One suggestion for you that I read was to find a rent to income apartment. I have seen a number of them and they really are quite decent. I am sure your son feels a ton guilt over his proposed move and that is as it should be.

A lot of very worthwhile thoughts on this topic. I believe setting possible dates for visits through the year would be a good idea - something to look forward to. With many valuable viewpoints offered, the future does not look nearly so daunting. Thank you for your good ideas.