What strategies help you cope with behavioral changes in loved one?

Hi @janet7, Everyone's dementia is so different. My husband was happy to give up driving, managing our finances, and handing home maintenance projects over to me. He has no attachment to things he used to treasure and is willing to part with most things. The only thing that he still cares about is how the Dow Jones closes everyday. he's constantly checking his memory by asking questions about our previous addresses, people's names, my former employers, etc. He's taken a shine to the neighborhood dog, Lucy, and when we take our daily walk he looks forward to seeing her. He's expressed wanting to take her home, but she has issues and won't leave her safe place.
I think contact with the social worker is a good idea. Our HMO has a geriatric medical social worker on staff who checks in once and a while and is available to assist with issues when needed.
After giving the physical therapist a very hard time about stretching, my husband is now doing the stretches regularly as they help him to walk without his cane. I notice, though, he does not like taking orders from other men.

Hi @lorrie2772, trying to manage what's happening with your wife and working must be difficult. Do they have an Employee Assistance Plan at work where you can talk to a counselor or a local Office of Aging with some resources?
A lot, I think, depends upon the progression of the disease. My husband's is very slow. His short and mid term memory is gone, but he still functions well, although he doesn't drive , manage finances, or get involved in any home maintenance. He was relieved to give these things up and is happy to have me do it all and be his guide. I have those care facilities in my sights, but I think a move like that is a few years off.
Don't forget to carve out sometime for yourself so you can replenish your resources. It's important for us to stay healthy and strong, as possible, for ourselves and because our partners rely on us so heavily.

Bill got so angry constantly. Demanded to drive (no way!) Decided he would divorce me if I didn't give in to all his demands. No way he could take care of himself at age 89 and no memory of how to work micro, stove, coffee pot, etc. His doctors put him on medication and oh what a wonderful difference it has made. For both of us as now he is enjoying his movies.

Bill always loved to move so we did - a lot! And my job was to always handle everything.

Your idea of decluttering is a great one. On moves I always started early on the sorting, decluttering, etc. I would set up a throw away box; a charity box; a pet toy box for Humane society; a box for things that needed shredding, a box for keepsakes kids might want, etc.

Then I would take one drawer at a time, usually while listening to music or watching TV, and sort through it. I took my time. Then, when it actually became crunch time for moving I just needed to pack things, which would go pretty quickly. Anything I knew I wouldn't need before hand I would pack and store.

Whatever you can do to relieve your stress is a good thing. You actually do best for everyone by basically putting yourself first. Best wishes.

Do you remember the meds his doctor gave him to calm him down. I have the same problem with Will’s anger and yelling. It is just awful! I locked myself in the bathroom the other night because he was insisting that I look at something he said was not right - it was about curtains I ordered. He even measured the windows so I could order them - and now they aren’t right. I wasn’t afraid of him, it was about leaving me alone. I didn’t want to argue anymore about it and he wouldn’t stop bothering me.
I wound up crying and he did back down. It’s just that I can’t do anything without him saying something negative about my decision. If it was up to only him, he would send the curtains back!

Thanks, @larryg333 Hope things are going well for you today!
Scott

Don’t worry about tomorrow. Today has troubles enough of its own. So my philosophy is, “One day at a time.” That’s all any of us gets, anyhow. Some days, it’s “one minute at a time”.
I can’t reason with someone who is unable to reason. Rather than argue, I walk away. Within a couple minutes, he’s forgotten. Sometimes I can approach the issue just a little differently with success. Other times, I just have to release it, unless it’s a dangerous situation (like when he thought the fire starter stick was a candy bar). Then I don’t give up so easily and am willing to risk being punched or shoved by this sweet man who would never do that in his right mind.

Thank you, Julie.

Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems to come and go, so does her understanding of spoken language. The language piece only occurs occasionally.

I made an appointment to meet with EAP person at the end of the month.

Hopefully your husband continues to progress slowly and you are able to keep him at home for a few years

Thank you. What does EAP mean?