Triggers for loss and grief

My comment is about triggers. I find they are small things but extremely hurtful. One example is folding towels. My husband like his towels folded a certain way so he always did it. Now that he is not here I fold the towels and almost come apart in my grief.

@georgette12, such a good question - how does one deal with memories that trigger grief? It must be so hard, Georgette, when the memories throw you into guilt and depression. If I could ban guilt as an emotion, I would. It serves nothing in this instance in my opinion. I'm sure that your son would not want to have caused you guilt and depression. That was not his intention.

I'd like to bring a few members into this discussion to hear different experiences from @anndomico @parus @IndianaScott @dd1931 @tmmmrlts and anyone else who would like to add their thoughts. Do you try to avoid triggers that resurface grief? When do the memories become less painful? Do they ever become a welcome interruption?

I am approaching the one year anniversary of my husband’s death from brain cancer on August 20th. I keep thinking that it will get better, but as time goes on so many things -even wonderful memories and photos - trigger an instant stab of hurt and sadness that is very hard to endure. I even think it is making me physically ill with gastric problems, insomnia, UTI, migraines, and a sinus infection. We were married for 60 years, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the grief will be deep and long lasting, but I keep hoping the good memories will stop causing pain even if the bad ones never will. My family is wonderful at wanting to support me, but they are grieving too and I really don’t want to burden them with my pain or cause them worry about my health problems. I expect the only thing anyone can do is keep on keeping on, but, oh how I wish it it would get easier!

@wendytrg- Anniversaries seem to really trigger all of the pain associated with losing someone. The depth of your grief is also a measure of the deep love that you have had for your husband. You are right, there is no time limit on the pain, but time should also be thought of as a friend. Because it gives you time to grieve and in order to get through this it will take time. Oh boy, does this sound loopy?

My heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your husband. I hope that the love of your family and for your husband will help you through this time. Share tears and the pain, the laughs and rough times. It will help!

@wendytrg- Anniversaries seem to really trigger all of the pain associated with losing someone. The depth of your grief is also a measure of the deep love that you have had for your husband. You are right, there is no time limit on the pain, but time should also be thought of as a friend. Because it gives you time to grieve and in order to get through this it will take time. Oh boy, does this sound loopy?

My heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your husband. I hope that the love of your family and for your husband will help you through this time. Share tears and the pain, the laughs and rough times. It will help!

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. The one year mark appears somewhat like a wall, which, if I can just get over it, might have better things on the other side. For me it seems to have greater significance than holidays or birthdays maybe because I never imagined that I would be able to survive a whole year without my lifetime partner. Time has proven me wrong. It surely helps to acknowledge how very many people have survived loss and found meaning again in their lives. I am hoping to be one of them.

I am approaching the one year anniversary of my husband’s death from brain cancer on August 20th. I keep thinking that it will get better, but as time goes on so many things -even wonderful memories and photos - trigger an instant stab of hurt and sadness that is very hard to endure. I even think it is making me physically ill with gastric problems, insomnia, UTI, migraines, and a sinus infection. We were married for 60 years, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the grief will be deep and long lasting, but I keep hoping the good memories will stop causing pain even if the bad ones never will. My family is wonderful at wanting to support me, but they are grieving too and I really don’t want to burden them with my pain or cause them worry about my health problems. I expect the only thing anyone can do is keep on keeping on, but, oh how I wish it it would get easier!