1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Family wants to find care facility for my husband.

Posted by shirleymac @shirleymac, Jun 21, 2022

I’ve been my husband’s caregiver for almost 11 years. He is relatively easygoing, but spends too much time dozing in his recliner. It is partly boredom, since he can’t do many things. My son, daughter and their spouses say he would have a better quality of life if he was exposed to activities, etc. They know I would have a life (besides caregiving), too. They are right, but I find it upsetting because he wants to be where I am, we moved recently and he loves the house, and I cannot figure out how I would ever introduce him to the idea. He is 78 and I am 77. Help!

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janet7 | @janet7 | Jun 24, 2022
In reply to @jakedduck1 "@shirleymac Perhaps I’m speaking out of turn and your not going to like what I have..." + (show)
@jakedduck1

@shirleymac
Perhaps I’m speaking out of turn and your not going to like what I have to say but…..
I am so grateful neither of my parents were ever in a facility. Something I’d never consider. I helped my Mom take care of my Dad who was paralyzed from the neck down by a worthless drunk driver on the job so was on Workman’s Compensation. His insurance company tried to have them put in a facility to save money but my mom and I fought it tooth and nail and thankfully we won. I also took care of my Mom before she passed.
Don’t you think it’s only fair your husband has a right to know what your planning?
If I were married or living with someone I’d never allow my loved one warehoused somewhere especially without their knowledge. What about your vows, don’t they mean anything to you? How deceitful.
Your spouse deserves better, don’t you think?
Jake

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Hi Jake, I agree with you and I have no intention of putting my husband with Dementia and heart problems in an institution. Actually, @shirley and I were talking about Daycare where you can leave a loved one for a couple of hours, not all day, and not the rest of their lives. Just one day of the week when we could go shopping or whatever having to take care of only ourselves. And our husbands can meet other people and socialize and play games, helping with their boredom. In other words, a win-win for everyone!

REPLY
janet7 | @janet7 | Jun 24, 2022
In reply to @shirleymac "I contacted the county agency on aging and they sent a list of adult day care..." + (show)
@shirleymac

I contacted the county agency on aging and they sent a list of adult day care facilities. There have been both plumbers and electricians working in our house this week, so it has been a bit hectic for me and I will call or go see some of the places next week. I can get out for a couple of hours, when I need to, so at least I can get errands done. He used to go for short walks with me, but now refuses because his hips hurt. I think sitting so much has contributed to that. He will help me, when asked, but that is limited. My daughter lives in the same city as we do, but she and her husband work full time and my granddaughter is working before she goes back to college. I did get information on respite support and need to look into that. I’m thankful I am healthy and have decided if I am not spending money on a vacation, I will spend some on things I want, both for myself and for the house. I will let you know, when we try out adult day care. It helps so much, just to “talk” with people who understand!

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Oh Shirley, I do understand and I am new to being a caretaker! Our mental health, as well as our husbands, is just as important as our caretaking. We are on 24/7 and we deserve to have some free-time to ourselves without any guilt. This senior day care is a win-win for all of us!!

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jul 4, 2022
In reply to @shirleymac "I contacted the county agency on aging and they sent a list of adult day care..." + (show)
@shirleymac

I contacted the county agency on aging and they sent a list of adult day care facilities. There have been both plumbers and electricians working in our house this week, so it has been a bit hectic for me and I will call or go see some of the places next week. I can get out for a couple of hours, when I need to, so at least I can get errands done. He used to go for short walks with me, but now refuses because his hips hurt. I think sitting so much has contributed to that. He will help me, when asked, but that is limited. My daughter lives in the same city as we do, but she and her husband work full time and my granddaughter is working before she goes back to college. I did get information on respite support and need to look into that. I’m thankful I am healthy and have decided if I am not spending money on a vacation, I will spend some on things I want, both for myself and for the house. I will let you know, when we try out adult day care. It helps so much, just to “talk” with people who understand!

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@shirleymac, how are you doing? Have you found suitable respite care for your husband to help you out?

REPLY
1 reply
shirleymac | @shirleymac | Jul 5, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "@shirleymac, how are you doing? Have you found suitable respite care for your husband to help..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

@shirleymac, how are you doing? Have you found suitable respite care for your husband to help you out?

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Not yet. Unfortunately, there have been electricians and heating and AC people here for days. I believe it is all finally done, except for a final inspection. Not all unexpected, but didn’t expect to need all the work so soon. I’m going to check some options this week. My psychologist suggested I point out to my family that sleeping a lot is part of dementia and I will do that.

REPLY
ccleibert | @ccleibert | Jul 5, 2022

Trust yourself. Do what’s best for you, then him, then the kids last. In our town there are social clubs or day programs with special train8ng and great choices of activities that people can go part of the week, or even daily if they want, or need to, but still live at home. They also pick you up.

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