Are these signs of Dementia or Alzheimers disease?

Thank you, @tunared. You are so right. It's my husband's confusion I find the most sad, but still, he functions well and has a good disposition.

Both his side and my side think he needs to be in a memory facility as the falls are becoming more and more dangerous. Today he can't remember how to use the controls for his lift chair - or he is using that as an excuse to have me do all his fetch and carrying (family doctor wants him moving around - carefully using walker). He can get his own water but refuses to. I have always found it easier to fetch and carry then to incur his anger when told no. He even gets angry when I ask him to wait a minute as I'm in the middle of something. His son thinks I've created his problem by waiting on him our whole married life. I also realize how terrified and anxious his kids are as they see how he is going downhill fairly quickly - physical as well as mental. He no longer likes phone calls as he has problems operating the phone - along with the memory problem.

With dementia the whole family suffers in one way or another.

You're so right, Julie. With dementia, the whole family does suffer. Based on what you described, it does sound like a memory care facility would be the safest place for him to be. It seems like you're hanging by threads at this point. Do you have access to a medical social worker who can help with the transition? I guess you and the other family members will have to brace for his anger for a while, but that will pass. I hope there is a good facility nearby.
Please keep posting.

Ian can still do a fair number of chores, which I give him to do, as I want him to stay active as long as he can. His favorite occupation is resting in bed. So since your post, I started telling him "Resting is rusting." He laughs.

Stay strong.

We toured a couple of places.
On one of our concerns they indicated that they couldn't prevent falls either - and that they would call 911.
The other major problem we are facing is that he pees a LOT - especially at night. He has used a pee bottle for years but now he drops it - then slips and, of course, falls. Overnight depends aren't working by themselves. The bed does have two layers of waterproof pads. When he gets up to go to the bathroom I have to get up, make sure he has light to see, sort of guide him and wait until he gets back in bed (in the meantime our daughter has awakened and waiting in case she is needed. This happens about five times a night. Then when he gets back into bed he wants to talk! Of course I don't have my hearing aids on, he is slurring his words and not making a lot of sense. The only one who can hear him is Robin - on the other side of the house.

I ignore his dithering about us moving to our own place, ignore his request for car keys, ignore his anger; but no sleep is getting to us.

Thinking of adding bed rails to the bed - shoving it against one wall - adding a cushion falling mat (4: deep) to put by the bed (one home said they use them); buy a Raizer lift in case he does fall. Getting a shower chair. Putting in some safety bars.

Still leaves the problem of nighttime peeing and we haven't come up with a solution for that. Trying to decrease his water consumption at night. He is on both Flomax and Avodart (generic) and they don't seem to help. Or at least not that is noticeable.

Monday morning is his appointment at Mayo! Maybe they will have some ideas.

One moment he is sure he is dying right now - moments later he is going to live to be a 105. But as a young man again. And he finds it hard to do anything for himself - hasn't for years even though his doctor's kept telling him he had to move around, exercise, retain social connections, get our and live, he wouldn't follow their advice. He wants me to just sit by his side and not go out or do things.

Not going to happen! I've signed up for Pilates (if not the oldest, close to it at 81) and Robin and I go out for an hour or two almost every day on one errand or another. I don't want to become like Bill, hiding in a chair.

Hi, @billchitwood

Have you considered talking to his doc about a sleep aid medication Rx?

Just a thought…

We toured a couple of places.
On one of our concerns they indicated that they couldn't prevent falls either - and that they would call 911.
The other major problem we are facing is that he pees a LOT - especially at night. He has used a pee bottle for years but now he drops it - then slips and, of course, falls. Overnight depends aren't working by themselves. The bed does have two layers of waterproof pads. When he gets up to go to the bathroom I have to get up, make sure he has light to see, sort of guide him and wait until he gets back in bed (in the meantime our daughter has awakened and waiting in case she is needed. This happens about five times a night. Then when he gets back into bed he wants to talk! Of course I don't have my hearing aids on, he is slurring his words and not making a lot of sense. The only one who can hear him is Robin - on the other side of the house.

I ignore his dithering about us moving to our own place, ignore his request for car keys, ignore his anger; but no sleep is getting to us.

Thinking of adding bed rails to the bed - shoving it against one wall - adding a cushion falling mat (4: deep) to put by the bed (one home said they use them); buy a Raizer lift in case he does fall. Getting a shower chair. Putting in some safety bars.

Still leaves the problem of nighttime peeing and we haven't come up with a solution for that. Trying to decrease his water consumption at night. He is on both Flomax and Avodart (generic) and they don't seem to help. Or at least not that is noticeable.

Monday morning is his appointment at Mayo! Maybe they will have some ideas.

One moment he is sure he is dying right now - moments later he is going to live to be a 105. But as a young man again. And he finds it hard to do anything for himself - hasn't for years even though his doctor's kept telling him he had to move around, exercise, retain social connections, get our and live, he wouldn't follow their advice. He wants me to just sit by his side and not go out or do things.

Not going to happen! I've signed up for Pilates (if not the oldest, close to it at 81) and Robin and I go out for an hour or two almost every day on one errand or another. I don't want to become like Bill, hiding in a chair.

He takes a sleeping pill now - hoping that Mayo will suggest something to help.

Trying to buy a Raizer M to help lift if he falls.

Hi Julie, @billchitwood, That sounds exhausting. We met with a physical therapist who specializes in urinary incontinence. He said to take the FloMax in the morning and drink liquids during the day, but not in the evening. Did you ever try a bedside commode? It could cut out trips to the bathroom.

Also, there are exercises men can do for better urinary control, contracting the muscles of the rectum, which I keep explaining to my husband, but he has difficulty understanding. Maybe Mayo Clinic can help with that or some other solutions.

I don't know if you have osteoporosis, I do. I did Pilates for years, but there are certain moves that involve forward bending and twisting of the spine that can cause spinal fractures. You're wise to carve out some time for yourself. Take care.

We toured a couple of places.
On one of our concerns they indicated that they couldn't prevent falls either - and that they would call 911.
The other major problem we are facing is that he pees a LOT - especially at night. He has used a pee bottle for years but now he drops it - then slips and, of course, falls. Overnight depends aren't working by themselves. The bed does have two layers of waterproof pads. When he gets up to go to the bathroom I have to get up, make sure he has light to see, sort of guide him and wait until he gets back in bed (in the meantime our daughter has awakened and waiting in case she is needed. This happens about five times a night. Then when he gets back into bed he wants to talk! Of course I don't have my hearing aids on, he is slurring his words and not making a lot of sense. The only one who can hear him is Robin - on the other side of the house.

I ignore his dithering about us moving to our own place, ignore his request for car keys, ignore his anger; but no sleep is getting to us.

Thinking of adding bed rails to the bed - shoving it against one wall - adding a cushion falling mat (4: deep) to put by the bed (one home said they use them); buy a Raizer lift in case he does fall. Getting a shower chair. Putting in some safety bars.

Still leaves the problem of nighttime peeing and we haven't come up with a solution for that. Trying to decrease his water consumption at night. He is on both Flomax and Avodart (generic) and they don't seem to help. Or at least not that is noticeable.

Monday morning is his appointment at Mayo! Maybe they will have some ideas.

One moment he is sure he is dying right now - moments later he is going to live to be a 105. But as a young man again. And he finds it hard to do anything for himself - hasn't for years even though his doctor's kept telling him he had to move around, exercise, retain social connections, get our and live, he wouldn't follow their advice. He wants me to just sit by his side and not go out or do things.

Not going to happen! I've signed up for Pilates (if not the oldest, close to it at 81) and Robin and I go out for an hour or two almost every day on one errand or another. I don't want to become like Bill, hiding in a chair.

Have you thought about getting a hospital bed? I have heard they are just wonderful for patients like your husband.