What’s a reasonable amount to do in a day?

Wasting the few beautiful days of the year makes me feel sad too. I have to laugh about your lists-mine are on paper, and it gives me a chuckle when I find an old to do list with projects that are still needing to be completed. Some of the lists are more than a decade old!
I never really give up, but things get put on hold for a very long time. It's important for me to get organized so that I don't leave this mess behind. I don't know about you, but even after 20 years of chronic disabling disease, I still mourn the able person I used to be. I miss being able to depend on myself, and keep promises.
Mostly I understand why I am the way I am now, but knowing doesn't make it easier. I used to try to figure out what was causing my fatigue. The short answer is everything. the medications for various ailments, the ailments, depression all cause exhaustion. Oh , and then there's being older...
The past lists, plans, and ability to function no longer work as they once did.
These sorts of problems require the development of strategies, setting boundaries, and perhaps learning to be kind to ourselves.
I have a feeling that we may have a similar background in being raised to perform perfectly, worry about ourselves last, little love or encouragement. Part of being female, I guess, and one can overcome many of these life challenges, but self acceptance when you're brought up with judgment and criticism is something I've never been able to master.
When I think about it, I'm certain that many of my medical issues are a reaction to years of stress.
I learned that while I can't fix this, I can learn to cope better, and I work on being grateful for what I can do and for the people in my life. I have had to stop contact with toxic family members and friends that made my life more difficult. I try to surround myself with positive people, preferably with a sense of humor. Setting boundaries has helped a lot, and in a way I am more content then in the past when I was killing myself to live up to other's expectations. Now to let go of my own expectations! The first thing that had to change was priorities. Very hard to take care of yourself when you're used to taking care of everyone else, but once you realize that no one else is going to do it, it's possible.
None of these lessons are easy or quick, and not a straight course. On the worst days I try to remember that this too will pass.

Hi @flynnzie. So I started to reply because something you said made me think of something. Then I stopped….because I feel like I should address ginger and Lori first, then say what you made me think of…otherwise I’m not being fair/considerate, like “first come first serve” or something….is that weird? Like is that normal to think that way?

I used to make lists on paper before I had a smartphone…I lost them all the time too. I still find old ones from time to time.

Speaking of “to dos” and being productive. I too try to pick small tasks especially when I’m having an especially hard time. And it often goes like this in my brain, “the floors are a mess….If I just vacuum it will look and feel better in here…but first I need to clean the vacuum because I can’t clean with something dirty…so I’ve got to wash the sponge filters…and I’ve got to dry the sponge filters before I put it back together…but first I have to fold the laundry that’s in the dryer so I can dry the filters…also, I need to vacuum every room, top to bottom, under all the furniture and in all the nooks and crannies otherwise I haven’t really ‘cleaned’”….
Then if I don’t also dust, and clean the bathrooms I don’t really feel like I’ve cleaned and it’s not satisfactory. Problem is, I hardly have enough energy to just push the vacuum around one or two rooms.
So….then I wonder…is that perfectionism or is that just good housekeeping?

Thank you @gingerw. It helps to know that others out there feel like I do.
I don’t think I could ever congratulate myself….if I could change things about myself it would be literally everything except three things.
I do try to implement lists and doings small things one at a time and also taking breaks..that helps me get at least the essentials done (like feeding the dog and cats, making dinner for my husband, etc)

Thank you for the link @loribmt. I read the article and a lot of the things sounded familiar.
I have had a blood test recently for hormones. And I have talked to a therapist in the past. It was so hard, I had to write down things on paper for her to read because I couldn’t talk.
I try to take our dog for a walk everyday.

I got this meme from a friend today and couldn’t help but think of you and your comment about where you brain goes when you start cleaning! We’re all so easily led astray when cleaning. Me too! Some days it’s all we can do to stay vertical and ventilated. 😂

With housework and feeling as though your hopelessly behind, sometimes all it takes is a helping hand to get you caught up. Do you have any kids or grandkids who could help with the housecleaning? Does your husband pitch in?

Lol! I’ll have to remember that acronym. That is exactly what I do.

My husband is a wonderful man. He does pitch in at home. Sometimes he vacuums or does a load of laundry or dishes.
I really appreciate his help and I always thank him, but I actually hate it when he does those things because it makes me feel like a failure. He works so very hard at work and for long hours, I feel like I should at least have the house clean and in order when he’s home.

We have no children and aren’t really social people, so we don’t really get visitors either. Our parents are elderly with health problems and I would never want to ask for their help.

Actually, they need more of my help; especially my parents.

ADCD… I’ll have to tell my mom that one ☺️

To @loribmt, @flynnzie, and @gingerw:
Thank you all SO much for reading my posts and for all the encouragement, support and suggestions. I really appreciate the time you took out of your own day and life to reach out to me.

I apologize if I have been negative toward any of you or your posts…I realized after rereading my posts that I may have come off as ungrateful or like a defeatist. If I did, I didn’t mean to and I apologize.

Thank you all again.

Miss Witsend, There’s no need to apologize. 🙃
Seriously, we’ve all ‘been there’ at one time or another. The beauty of Connect is that most of us on the forum have or had illnesses, cancer, mental or physical challenges, been caregivers, etc.. We’re here to help and support each other through our shared and learned experiences. It’s meant to be encouraging with conversations around our imaginary kitchen table. ☺️

I remember my mom and neighbor ladies, or my mom, aunts and grannies chewing the fat around the kitchen table. Coffee klatches! They worked through the toughest of challenges or sometimes it was just venting. It helps to talk things through and with that often comes some self introspection. We start seeing ourselves from a new perspective. It’s how we grow.

But thank you for your kind words. As a mentor it is so rewarding when I know that I’ve been able to make a difference is someone’s life. ☺️

I can be annoyingly motivational. 😂 If you’d like to see what makes me tick, last year I was coerced into a interview with a fellow mentor. Here’s a link to what lurks inside my brain. Maybe my favorite quotation in the article will motivate you too. ☺️ https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/newsfeed-post/ill-take-an-order-of-hope-with-a-side-of-mayo-please/

This morning is the beginning of a new start for you. What’s one small thing you’d like to accomplish today?

@witsend000 Bless you! As you have discovered, rereading a post may lead you to insight that might not have been visible to you earlier. A new day, refreshened outlook, can help us see things differently.

I hope your weekend has a smile and even some laughter in it. Remember, we are here for you.
Ginger

@loribmt I suffer from what I call severe depression but diagnosed as bipolar. Am following your response to @witsend000 about thyroid levels and hormone levels that can affect depression but what can one do if hormone replacement therapy is not viable option due to family history of high estrogen and breast cancer?

Hi @marjou I’m not really sure what the options are for hormone replacement therapy for anyone with the family history of high estrogen. But if a woman’s estrogen is low, and that’s generally what happens at peri-menopause and menopause, I would think if you were given the proper balancing dose just to bring things back in line, that it wouldn’t be any different than having natural estrogen occur.
Which leads me to the question, if you have high estrogen can you be given something to counter that? Just thinking out loud…

I know that back in the late 60s? my mom was prescribed Premarin and was on that for 30+ years without her doctor ever checking on her! Old school doctor dealing with ‘women’s issues’, before we were taken seriously. She ended up with uterine cancer because of the continual building of tissue. In reality, she should have been on a medication for a short while and one such as Prepro which also contains some progesterone.
When I entered peri menopause, my gynecologist pretty much forced me out of the practice when I refused to take artificial hormones because I didn’t want to develop cancer like my mom. I found a very progressive integrative medicine physician (wasn’t called that at the time) and she did a study of my hormones and prescribed a natural plant extract~hormone balancing cream. I’m not kidding when I tell you within the first 1/2 hour after applying about a 1/4 teaspoon of this on my wrist/inside arm that I felt the dark veil of depression lifting! It was the weirdest experience and felt pretty miraculous! I was skeptical but that was the ah ha moment…showed what our hormones can do!
I was on this for less than a year and tapered off. That was 25+ years ago.
There are several good articles online regarding hormones and how they control our thoughts and body that you might find interesting. I posted a few below.
https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-the-thyroid-and-hormones#:~:text=Because%20of%20biology%2C%20women%20are%20more%20vulnerable%20to,as%20sadness%2C%20irritability%2C%20and%20fatigue%20prior%20to%20menstruation.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20047725
Have you had your hormone levels checked?

No. I have not had my hormones checked